Frustrated with my other half, I just can’t get him to understand the risks

[geekette]

I eat two small ones or one large one a day. Before he got these I still have 10 bananas. He got them at different colors of ripeness. I will be freezing lots of ripe bananas soon. Time to take my Yonana out, I haven’t used it in awhile.

Get your fresh baked banana bread at Panina's!

 

[geekette]

The problems I have right now are nothing compared to what others are going through.

Yes. Even on my worst days, I have always considered myself to be a very lucky person.

Lately, I have been very grateful for the selfless healthcare workers. I'm more scared for them than I am for me. I will have 50 masks done tomorrow. In my small way, I'm helping the war effort, and staying out of the way of the battles. With a Sharpie, I wrote Thank You on them. On some fabric I really liked, it said Made With Love.

 

[CalGalTraveler]

It sounds like he is trying to cope. Who knows? Perhaps he knows he is at risk and this only highlights his medical issues so going to the store is his way of connecting with what's going on and he doesn't want to live his life in fear? People are doing strange things to cope right now. Who would have thought bottled water would be in short supply?

 

[TravelTime]

It sounds like he is trying to cope. Who knows? Perhaps he knows he is at risk and this only highlights his medical issues so going to the store is his way of connecting with what's going on and he doesn't want to live his life in fear? People are doing strange things to cope right now. Who would have thought bottled water would be in short supply?

Who would have thought that a pandemic would cause a run in toilet paper! Yes, people are not rational beings. Probably his way of coping.

 

[Panina]

I found out yesterday that a close friend has prostate cancer. He found out 2 weeks ago but kept it private. His wife told me yesterday and that he is in denial. He claims he will call the doctor tomorrow to schedule surgery. He says prostate cancer is slow growing and all men get it. He is minimizing. My DH looked it up and 1 in 8 men get it (Not all men). I can’t imagine having cancer now. That is doubly scary. Needing to go to the hospital to get surgery while this is going on is scary as the risk of getting sick could be higher. I am not the type to panic about health issues and I have been very calm about the risk of getting covid-19. Seeing how others have it tough during these times makes me appreciate what we have more. We are home. We are healthy. We still have enough savings to get through this. The problems I have right now are nothing compared to what others are going through.

Prostrate Cancer has a good survival rate. My deceased husband had it and removed it successfully. Before he passed from a brain aneurysm he was given a clean bill of health from the cancer.

Just keep contact often with your friend, that will be great support. Many just stay away because they do not know what to say or do.

 

[geist1223]

Perhaps if he does not change his life style then in his mind there is no crisis. Then he does not have to worry about losing you or about dying. If he talks to you about it and his feelings then he has to acknowledge there is a crisis and that he could lose you.

 

[b2bailey]

I assume he is over 60? This article should be a wake-up call. My DH is over 60 and very healthy (skis, exercises, no preexisting conditions, no meds etc.) This is downright scary.

Israeli doctor in Italy: No. of patients rises but we get to everyone

Dr. Gai Peleg told Israeli television that in northern Italy, patients over 60 tend to receive less treatment with anesthesia and artificial respiratory machines.

www.jpost.com

I wouldn't have been surprised if it said she 80 -- but this was shocking.

 

[b2bailey]

This is a good article that presents a less popular view. Author concludes: Either we let many of us get the coronavirus, recover and get back to work — while doing our utmost to protect those most vulnerable to being killed by it. Or, we shut down for months to try to save everyone everywhere from this virus — no matter their risk profile — and kill many people by other means, kill our economy and maybe kill our future.

Opinion | A Plan to Get America Back to Work (Published 2020)

Some experts say it can be done in weeks, not months — and the economy and public health are at stake.

www.nytimes.com

Haven't read article yet, but have to say I agree with premise stated above. (Now ducking head to avoid being hit by flying objects.)

 

[b2bailey]

Yes, it's way too soon to have any substantial research on this. We heard about it in January? Hard to find someone infected, recovered, and then volunteer to be intentionally exposed in such a short time.

I don't think anyone is going to volunteer to catch it again.

 

[b2bailey]

@Panina sorry to hear about your challenges. This is challenging many relationships. Our twenty-something DS who works at a grocery store called us because his significant other is now demanding that he don't show up for work because she has asthma and is worried about becoming exposed. She is basically telling him to quit his job. He is requesting an LOA. I am worried they will fire him. He doesn't know what to do because he wants to help out, continue to pay bills, and keep his job.

Curious about the girl's plan on how bills will get paid? Does DS live close enough to stay with you? Can she stay elsewhere?

 

[b2bailey]

The least he could do is respect your boundaries about bathrooms. I would lay down the law and tell him to use his in bathroom, that yours is off limits. Maybe you should ask him to rent an AirBnB until this is over if he will not at least try to adhere to some basic safety precautions and home guidelines. But on the positive side, most people will not get Covid-19 and those who do will have no symptoms or mild symptoms. I understand you may have some underlying conditions, though, that might put you at greater risk.

P.S. I just saw a preview of 60 Minutes and they will be reporting on an anti-viral drug tonight.

I'm sorry that you are having the additional stress of this. It must be heart-breaking for you.

 

[b2bailey]

If it was that easy. One could break into their home or call the police easily to get back in.

I know it is difficult for people who are in a relationship with love and mutual respect to relate to yours.

 

[b2bailey]

4 bunches of bananas? How many bananas do you eat per day? LOL

On another note, he was thinking of you when he bought the banana s.

 

[chellej]

So I have the opposite problem with my spouse. He doesn't want me to go out and doesn't want our son to come over.

So I look at it differently. There is risk but by following the guidelines hand washing ,staying 6 feet away, not touching face etc my risk of catching it is low. The media invites panic and there is no reason to panic. Unfortunately, some people will get sick and some won t recover. The point of the social distancing is to slow it down, it will not eliminate it. Many of those that die, may well of died it they got the flu instead.


I find it stressful to watch the news and so try to limit it. Things that make good headlines often push the limit of truth and also seem to increase the panic. I saw an npr story and the headline made it sound like the food chain was in jepardy.....but when you the whole article that wasn't the case at all.

You say you were very sick and he didn't catch it.....maybe his immune system is better than you think.

in any case. I wish you well

 

[pedro47]

Panina, chill as the young folk would say. The man Loves and Cares about you.
Men are from Mars or Venus, we just Think Differently and React Strange .

 

[Talent312]

Two ideas:
1. Dump the lug and kick him to the curb; or
2. "For better or for worse," but not for lunch.
.

 

[caribbeanqueen]

Panina I hate seeing you so worried!
My husband goes to the hardware store frequently as both our businesses are closed so he is using the time to fix things, deep cleaning, etc. I have to go shopping. We keep our distances and wash our hands frequently. I have Lysol wipes and wipe down all door handles and cabinet handles. I do not go crazy though. It sounds like this has you paralyzed with fear which is horrible for your immune system and a terrible way for you live.
I wrote in another thread, I am pretty sure both my husband and I had Covid19 in January after coming off a Princess Cruise. My daughter and her family have/had it now. While yes, you are sick, it does not feel any different than the flu. Some do not even get symptoms (like Rand Paul). Please do not allow this to cause you such anxiety and stress. Italy has a majority of elderly people AND they smoke! They have stated 90+% had other issues. I wish you well and hope you can relax a bit and enjoy life as best you can during this pandemic.

 

[Mongoose]

.
The poster's perspective is from being HIGH RISK. Why do you think she is frightened?? I'm sure she appreciates your adding the word deadly. That's as helpful as her husband, refusing to take precautions.

The biggest threat Is Not impact on social order. It's DEATH. Do you for sure know which set of stats you will land in? None of us do.

Just trying to provide accurate information. No rose colored glasses, no doomsday predicaitons.

 

[SandyPGravel]

My co-worker sounds like your husband. He is very upset the restaurants closed, because "he eats out twice a week." I asked him this morning if he was going to sign up to vote absentee for our upcoming primary. He said "no, because there aren't that many people there when he votes." He doesn't get it. You will be exposed to everyone that voted before you and you are exposing everyone that votes after you and the poll workers. We are still working so that means we are exposed to a lot of people every day. (Approx 900 in our facility over all shifts.)

We were given a letter on Friday stating we are essential employees in case our state goes on lock down. He said "that will never happen here." Well, a couple hours later Illinois announced a lock down(one state away, our corporate headquarters is located there) Minnesota is considering it. If our surrounding states go on lock down I don't see how we won't.

I completely understand your frustration.

 

[presley]

My autoimmune is celiac, not sure if that falls into risk group, we are not being told

This is one of the bigger concerns of mine. They haven't said that celiac is higher risk, but my concern is for those, my husband in particular, who have dietary restrictions that can't be taken care of in an overcrowded hospital situation or being isolated somewhere that isn't home. Thank God, we were't traveling and didn't have to go into a 14 day quarantine, but from what I've read, you get what you get. He can't have gluten or nightshades. What are the 2 most common cheap things to throw in food to make them more substantial - gluten and nightshades. If he gets in a position where that's all he can eat, his intestines will kill him faster than covid19 would.

 

[goaliedave]

Another thought....I posted my experience twofold, to get support from my tugger friends and to put out there this issue for the silent ones holding it in.

By your responses I know how much you all care and you all mean well.

What I do feel we are all missing, including myself, is there is either a very different persepective that he has as many others do or he himself is in a mental crisis.

If it is the latter he is not alone. There are many having coping problems now in all aspects and it will only become more prevalent as this continue.

I don’t know the answer yet how to balance what I deem being safe and how he is not coping with that. What I do know is we have to realize many have issues and try to find compassion.

The fact he brought home 4 bunches of bananas shows he us trying to take care of me in his mind.

No easy solutions

Build on that glimmer of hope. Even strong self-reliant men need reassurance. Tell him what you wrote here, that you know he is trying to look after you in his own way, thank him, tell him you need a couple more things to feel safe... if he's ever going to talk now is the time.

Sent from my SM-A505G using Tapatalk

 

[pedro47]

Panina, this a suggestion from an old man. Please stop worrying. You could be causing your body/mind to have some health problems.
Chill, pick up a golf club and a place a golf ball on your massive lawn and Just hit that golf ball as far as you can to relieve your daily stress.
Put a face on the golf ball.

 

[pedro47]

Another suggestion can you build a raise bed to plant some flower or vegetables???
You can even ask your DH to take you to Lowes to select the lumber, the soil and the plants.

 

[bbodb1]

Panina, this a suggestion from an old man. Please stop worrying. You could be causing your body/mind to have some health problems.
Chill, pick up a golf club and a place a golf ball on your massive lawn and Just hit that golf ball as far as you can to relieve your daily stress.

Wait, wait, wait a second here.....did you just really suggest hitting golf balls to reduce stress?

 

[bbodb1]

@Panina - here is my stress relief suggestion!