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Frustrated with my other half, I just can’t get him to understand the risks

Panina said:
If it was that easy. One could break into their home or call the police easily to get back in.
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It sounds like you love him and have been with him for a long time. Tell us about his good qualities that keep you with him and help you to tolerate this behavior right now.
 
Panina said:
Thank you for all your support. Just having you all to vent to helps. I don’t feel alone. I know I cannot be the only one, just the one who is exposing myself. I never give up hope. I am taking care of myself now with sleep, eating well and exercising.
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It takes strength and guts to be 1st to be vulnerable. One hand raised speaks for dozens.

Sent from my SM-A505G using Tapatalk
 
geekette said:
.
The poster's perspective is from being HIGH RISK. Why do you think she is frightened?? I'm sure she appreciates your adding the word deadly. That's as helpful as her husband, refusing to take precautions.

The biggest threat Is Not impact on social order. It's DEATH. Do you for sure know which set of stats you will land in? None of us do.
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I am not sure if I am truly at risk more then the average. My autoimmune is celiac, not sure if that falls into risk group, we are not being told. My other half has more risk, 24/7 irregular heart beat plus struggles for weeks and usually gets bronchitis when he gets an respiratory illness. I know my immune system was able to fight the flu in January. In February I came home sick from Florida, now thinking it might have been mild coronavirus.

Whereas I know 24 hours lockdown for weeks and months is not possible I believe everyone should minimize risk thus the problem with my other half.
 
A marriage is not tested in the good times. It is tested in the bad harsh times. This is when you truly see the other person. Do I feel cramped not being able to go where I want when I want - yes. But I also love and worry about Patti. So we both stay primarily at home and only go out once a week for grocery shopping. I like to wander around Cabela's, Sportsman Warehouse, Lowe, and Home Depot. Am I doing that now - no. Patti is also not going out to wander around her favorite stores. We actually enjoy being around each other and do not need others. We can simply be in the same room reading with Felix and the cats curled up with us.
 
Panina said:
I am not sure if I am truly at risk more then the average. My autoimmune is celiac, not sure if that falls into risk group, we are not being told. My other half has more risk, 24/7 irregular heart beat plus struggles for weeks and usually gets bronchitis when he gets an respiratory illness. I know my immune system was able to fight the flu in January. In February I came home sick from Florida, now thinking it might have been mild coronavirus.

Whereas I know 24 hours lockdown for weeks and months is not possible I believe everyone should minimize risk thus the problem with my other half.
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I hope he has good disability and life insurance. :ponder:
 
Even if the death rate turns out to be 0.0% (rounded)...
If you're one of the few inside that percent, you're just as dead.
So, check your life insurance to see if you named the right bene.
.
 
TravelTime said:
It sounds like you love him and have been with him for a long time. Tell us about his good qualities that keep you with him and help you to tolerate this behavior right now.
Click to expand...
Thank you for asking. It is not about tolerating his behavior. My choices right now are not better.

He has some wonderful qualities. It just seems this whole virus made him flip.

Just the other day he said after this is over your mom needs to be with us. Let her keep her coop but she can move in with us or we can get her a place of her own near by. If you knew my mom you would know how kind this is.

He always respectful of my deceased husbands memory.

He is generous. If I left, I am certain he would help me pay my bills

He has never tried to control me or limit me in what I want to do. He encourages me to do the things that make me happy. He completely trusts me. That is why his behavior now is so out of line.

He is funny, always has made me laugh, just not now.

Overall in the past we both saw life in a similar manner making things easy
 
geist1223 said:
A marriage is not tested in the good times. It is tested in the bad harsh times. This is when you truly see the other person. Do I feel cramped not being able to go where I want when I want - yes. But I also love and worry about Patti. So we both stay primarily at home and only go out once a week for grocery shopping. I like to wander around Cabela's, Sportsman Warehouse, Lowe, and Home Depot. Am I doing that now - no. Patti is also not going out to wander around her favorite stores. We actually enjoy being around each other and do not need others. We can simply be in the same room reading with Felix and the cats curled up with us.
Click to expand...
Patti is a lucky woman to have you.
 
Panina said:
Thank you for asking. It is not about tolerating his behavior. My choices right now are not better.

He has some wonderful qualities. It just seems this whole virus made him flip.

Just the other day he said after this is over your mom needs to be with us. Let her keep her coop but she can move in with us or we can get her a place of her own near by. If you knew my mom you would know how kind this is.

He always respectful of my deceased husbands memory.

He is generous. If I left, I am certain he would help me pay my bills

He has never tried to control me or limit me in what I want to do. He encourages me to do the things that make me happy. He completely trusts me. That is why his behavior now is so out of line.

He is funny, always has made me laugh, just not now.

Overall in the past we both saw life in a similar manner making things easy
Click to expand...

I knew there were good reasons as to why you are with him. Hopefully things will work out.
 
You know...in times like this, there is nothing better than home. From working and travelling, I never really appreciated my home as much as I do now.

It’s funny how we take the simplistic things for granted but sure learn to appreciate them in times like these.

Yes....

Home Sweet Home

And yes, I too appreciate the people around me more too.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
Thank you, Geekette for saying what I didn't want to say.

geekette said:
Door locks.

I would also have changed the locks.

Someone that enjoys your being scared out of your mind doesn't deserve to come back in.
Click to expand...
 
Panina said:
I am not sure if I am truly at risk more then the average. My autoimmune is celiac, not sure if that falls into risk group, we are not being told. My other half has more risk, 24/7 irregular heart beat plus struggles for weeks and usually gets bronchitis when he gets an respiratory illness. I know my immune system was able to fight the flu in January. In February I came home sick from Florida, now thinking it might have been mild coronavirus.

Whereas I know 24 hours lockdown for weeks and months is not possible I believe everyone should minimize risk thus the problem with my other half.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately no one knows exactly what is an aggravating risk. I do not think it is a matter of not being told. There will be a lot of research after this has reached some kind of end or baseline to more define risk factors. While not completely predictory you could look up if there was any correlation for other sars like outbreaks.
 
So when he got back, he definitely stopped at the grocery. This is what he purchased

A double package of italian bread,
A case of water (we have 5 already and a water refrigerator filter system)
3 packages of crescents to bake and
4 bunches of banana. He doesn’t eat bananas, I do. He has gone bananas.
 
Panina said:
I am so frustrated, I am being so careful, staying in now. My other half has been out each day. Today to the supermarket just for 4 items which he really didn’t need and just now he went to Lowe’s to get a caulking gun. I can’t get him to understand that unnecessary trips should not be made. I consider myself lucky that his gym closed or he would go there too. Any one having issue like this with their other half?
Click to expand...

I would have to say, no issues in my relationship and going to stores. This weekend I've been to Lowe's, tractor supply (bird seed), Kroger and CVS drug store with my "other half" and there has been no problems.
Today we walked around a park (3 miles) and I photographed some nesting bald eagles and blue birds.
Pretty much everything has been the same as before the pandemic ..... except the restaurants are closed and we enjoy eating out on weekends - bummer
 
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Brett said:
I would have to say, no issues in my relationship and going to stores. This weekend I've been to Lowe's, tractor supply (bird seed), Kroger and CVS drug store with my "other half" and there has been no problems.
Today we walked around a park (3 miles) and I photographed some nesting bald eagles and blue birds.
Pretty much everything has been the same as before the pandemic ..... except the restaurants are closed and we enjoy eating out on weekends - bummer
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I guess your thoughts are more along his and I am trying to understand them.

I have friends who are terrified, others that go out to the stores saying this will go on a long time we need to keep living.
 
Panina said:
I guess your thoughts are more along his and I am trying to understand them.
Click to expand...


yes, probably so.
I will say my wife is a former (now non-practicing) nurse and self described germ-a-phobe but she has no problems going to stores during this pandemic. She (and I) wipe our hands with purell after we get back in the car.
 
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Panina said:
So when he got back, he definitely stopped at the grocery. This is what he purchased

A double package of italian bread,
A case of water (we have 5 already and a water refrigerator filter system)
3 packages of crescents to bake and
4 bunches of banana. He doesn’t eat bananas, I do. He has gone bananas.
Click to expand...
He has serious mental health issues.
 
Panina said:
So when he got back, he definitely stopped at the grocery. This is what he purchased

A double package of italian bread,
A case of water (we have 5 already and a water refrigerator filter system)
3 packages of crescents to bake and
4 bunches of banana. He doesn’t eat bananas, I do. He has gone bananas.
Click to expand...

VacationForever said:
He has serious mental health issues.
Click to expand...

Stress. Compensating for being powerless by Doing Something. He thinks he is doing something For Us, maybe even For Her. Could be scared out of his mind that it will fell him, not her, and deciding to put himself out there for the bullet, not quite getting that it comes back in with him. Is he generally protective? Not over-protective, just I'm The Man kind of protective? If so, seems like that is ratcheted up.

We will all be a bit more bonkers as this drags on. And it will drag on.

I am no shrink, just a long time student observer of human behavior.

I've been self-isolating for long enough that there is no way I would throw that away now. I am aiming for far end of curve, have been since mid Feb. I thought once we knew that asymptomatic people could pass it that people would indeed stay home. Not the first thing I've been wrong about, will not be the last.

I scared my mom into staying home - said even a minor fender bender could send her to the hospital, a bad place to be right now. Of course, she is of the age where her sight isn't so great, thinks, oh, it's just up the road.... and hadn't thought about a wee little accident being the beginning of her end. Also said that she could be ticketed for being out (we could be, tho it is highly unlikely), appealling to her cheap side. I'm scared I'll lose her in this because she is another "can't stay home" person. We need Spring, big time, for her to go out and play in her garden. I need it, too.

I wonder if the basketball folks among us are doing their own March Madness?
 
Panina said:
So when he got back, he definitely stopped at the grocery. This is what he purchased

A double package of italian bread,
A case of water (we have 5 already and a water refrigerator filter system)
3 packages of crescents to bake and
4 bunches of banana. He doesn’t eat bananas, I do. He has gone bananas.
Click to expand...

4 bunches of bananas? How many bananas do you eat per day? LOL
 
Another thought....I posted my experience twofold, to get support from my tugger friends and to put out there this issue for the silent ones holding it in.

By your responses I know how much you all care and you all mean well.

What I do feel we are all missing, including myself, is there is either a very different persepective that he has as many others do or he himself is in a mental crisis.

If it is the latter he is not alone. There are many having coping problems now in all aspects and it will only become more prevalent as this continue.

I don’t know the answer yet how to balance what I deem being safe and how he is not coping with that. What I do know is we have to realize many have issues and try to find compassion.

The fact he brought home 4 bunches of bananas shows he us trying to take care of me in his mind.

No easy solutions
 
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geekette said:
Stress. Compensating for being powerless by Doing Something. He thinks he is doing something For Us, maybe even For Her. Could be scared out of his mind that it will fell him, not her, and deciding to put himself out there for the bullet, not quite getting that it comes back in with him. Is he generally protective? Not over-protective, just I'm The Man kind of protective? If so, seems like that is ratcheted up.

We will all be a bit more bonkers as this drags on. And it will drag on.

I am no shrink, just a long time student observer of human behavior.

I've been self-isolating for long enough that there is no way I would throw that away now. I am aiming for far end of curve, have been since mid Feb. I thought once we knew that asymptomatic people could pass it that people would indeed stay home. Not the first thing I've been wrong about, will not be the last.

I scared my mom into staying home - said even a minor fender bender could send her to the hospital, a bad place to be right now. Of course, she is of the age where her sight isn't so great, thinks, oh, it's just up the road.... and hadn't thought about a wee little accident being the beginning of her end. Also said that she could be ticketed for being out (we could be, tho it is highly unlikely), appealling to her cheap side. I'm scared I'll lose her in this because she is another "can't stay home" person. We need Spring, big time, for her to go out and play in her garden. I need it, too.

I wonder if the basketball folks among us are doing their own March Madness?
Click to expand...
I think you are closer to the answer. Even with the answer my situation is the same.
 
TravelTime said:
4 bunches of bananas? How many bananas do you eat per day? LOL
Click to expand...
I eat two small ones or one large one a day. Before he got these I still have 10 bananas. He got them at different colors of ripeness. I will be freezing lots of ripe bananas soon. Time to take my Yonana out, I haven’t used it in awhile.
 
I found out yesterday that a close friend has prostate cancer. He found out 2 weeks ago but kept it private. His wife told me yesterday and that he is in denial. He claims he will call the doctor tomorrow to schedule surgery. He says prostate cancer is slow growing and all men get it. He is minimizing. My DH looked it up and 1 in 8 men get it (Not all men). I can’t imagine having cancer now. That is doubly scary. Needing to go to the hospital to get surgery while this is going on is scary as the risk of getting sick could be higher. I am not the type to panic about health issues and I have been very calm about the risk of getting covid-19. Seeing how others have it tough during these times makes me appreciate what we have more. We are home. We are healthy. We still have enough savings to get through this. The problems I have right now are nothing compared to what others are going through.
 
Panina said:
I eat two small ones or one large one a day. Before he got these I still have 10 bananas. He got them at different colors of ripeness. I will be freezing lots of ripe bananas soon. Time to take my Yonana out, I haven’t used it in awhile.
Click to expand...

Ha, ha. I suspected you could not eat that many bananas so quickly before they got overly ripe. Yes, the 4 bunches of bananas show he cares.
 
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