Frustrated with my other half, I just can’t get him to understand the risks

[geekette]

I assume he is over 60? This article should be a wake-up call. My DH is over 60 and very healthy (skis, exercises, no preexisting conditions, no meds etc.) This is downright scary.

This is down from age 80 being the cut off. Not sure how long ago, time is passing in a very strange way.

Yes, we are into death panel territory. I feel for the front lines health care workers. Horrible stuff in most every way imaginable. We are going to need to add a federal holiday for them.

 

[TravelTime]

How do they know that? I thought they still didn't know enough about it.

Anthony Fauci said that he thinks that people will have immunity once they get it. He said they do not know for sure but it is the case with other viruses.

 

[WinniWoman]

Please provide a link or directly quote your source. I've seen experts suggest that it's unlikely you can get Covid-19 multiple times but nobody who has said/proven it conclusively.

I do not have a link. It was a doctor on the news this morning- Dr. Marc Siegel.

 

[Luanne]

Anthony Fauci said that he thinks that people will have immunity once they get it. He said they do not know for sure but it is the case with other viruses.

What I'm thinking is, the virus most likely will mutate. I think some health professional has already said it would. So would you still have immunity to the mutated version? Is it like the flu where you need a flu shot every year just to protect from the different strains.

 

[geekette]

Please provide a link or directly quote your source. I've seen experts suggest that it's unlikely you can get Covid-19 multiple times but nobody who has said/proven it conclusively.

Yes, it's way too soon to have any substantial research on this. We heard about it in January? Hard to find someone infected, recovered, and then volunteer to be intentionally exposed in such a short time.

 

[geekette]

What I'm thinking is, the virus most likely will mutate. I think some health professional has already said it would. So would you still have immunity to the mutated version? Is it like the flu where you need a flu shot every year just to protect from the different strains.

these are good questions. I think Dr Fauci did say that viruses do mutate, it is expected.

I would hope annual innoculation. Eventually.

I am not great on biochem but this has all been educational. Scary, but educational. Who knew we'd all be taking a crash course this spring?

 

[Mongoose]

I am so frustrated, I am being so careful, staying in now. My other half has been out each day. Today to the supermarket just for 4 items which he really didn’t need and just now he went to Lowe’s to get a caulking gun. I can’t get him to understand that unnecessary trips should not be made. I consider myself lucky that his gym closed or he would go there too. Any one having issue like this with their other half?

Everyone handles stress and crisis situations differently. He may be in denial and refuse to accept that something is outside of his control.

Thought I would share this:

COVID-19: What Is the "Right" Amount of Scared?

Preventative behaviors can reduce our own and others’ risk of illness from COVID-19, the flu, and the common cold. Psychology tells us how to scare people into doing them.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[goaliedave]

This is a good article that presents a less popular view. Author concludes: Either we let many of us get the coronavirus, recover and get back to work — while doing our utmost to protect those most vulnerable to being killed by it. Or, we shut down for months to try to save everyone everywhere from this virus — no matter their risk profile — and kill many people by other means, kill our economy and maybe kill our future.

Opinion | A Plan to Get America Back to Work (Published 2020)

Some experts say it can be done in weeks, not months — and the economy and public health are at stake.

www.nytimes.com

Yup. The New Orleans and Puerto Rico approach, popular among old rich white USA folk.

Sent from my SM-A505G using Tapatalk

 

[TravelTime]

Everyone handles stress and crisis situations differently. He may be in denial and refuse to accept that something is outside of his control.

Thought I would share this:

COVID-19: What Is the "Right" Amount of Scared?

Preventative behaviors can reduce our own and others’ risk of illness from COVID-19, the flu, and the common cold. Psychology tells us how to scare people into doing them.

www.psychologytoday.com

The article is interesting but was written before widespread fear and Shelter at Home mandates started. Her conclusion might be different now. She says: “While it’s true there’s no need to panic, that doesn’t mean we should be unconcerned and fail to adopt risk-reduction behaviors. The threat of danger is real enough and the recommended COVID-19 preventative health behaviors are simple and low cost enough that we should adopt them.” Right now, the preventative health behaviors are very expensive in the cost to the economy and people’s livelihood. I wonder what she would say now about whether we have the right amount of scared.

 

[Panina]

Everyone handles stress and crisis situations differently. He may be in denial and refuse to accept that something is outside of his control.

Thought I would share this:

COVID-19: What Is the "Right" Amount of Scared?

Preventative behaviors can reduce our own and others’ risk of illness from COVID-19, the flu, and the common cold. Psychology tells us how to scare people into doing them.

www.psychologytoday.com

You are correct, he still hasn’t accepted it.

Ultimately I am stuck, there is no where safe for me to go. I tried looking for a detached rental, nothing where I would feel safe is available. He told me you will not tell me what to do. I am sanitizing the house around him but if he get sicks and there are air droplets I am at risk.

Called his brother last night, who told me to ignore him, then told me this is serious you must make him understand, then told me he will talk to him. He is out again, have no idea where he went. He has an off site garage for his cars so thinking there.

In times of crisis some relationships get stronger, some fall apart. If this continues mine will be sadly over.

 

[VacationForever]

You are correct, he still hasn’t accepted it.

Ultimately I am stuck, there is no where safe for me to go. I tried looking for a detached rental, nothing where I would feel safe is available. He told me you will not tell me what to do. I am sanitizing the house around him but if he get sicks and there are air droplets I am at risk.

Called his brother last night, who told me to ignore him, then told me this is serious you must make him understand, then told me he will talk to him. He is out again, have no idea where he went. He has an off site garage for his cars so thinking there.

In times of crisis some relationships get stronger, some fall apart. If this continues mine will be sadly over.

Is there timeshare close by that you can book for the next 4 weeks?

 

[CalGalTraveler]

@Panina sorry to hear about your challenges. This is challenging many relationships. Our twenty-something DS who works at a grocery store called us because his significant other is now demanding that he don't show up for work because she has asthma and is worried about becoming exposed. She is basically telling him to quit his job. He is requesting an LOA. I am worried they will fire him. He doesn't know what to do because he wants to help out, continue to pay bills, and keep his job.

 

[TravelTime]

You are correct, he still hasn’t accepted it.

Ultimately I am stuck, there is no where safe for me to go. I tried looking for a detached rental, nothing where I would feel safe is available. He told me you will not tell me what to do. I am sanitizing the house around him but if he get sicks and there are air droplets I am at risk.

Called his brother last night, who told me to ignore him, then told me this is serious you must make him understand, then told me he will talk to him. He is out again, have no idea where he went. He has an off site garage for his cars so thinking there.

In times of crisis some relationships get stronger, some fall apart. If this continues mine will be sadly over.

I hope you can work it out. It would be sad to end the relationship over Covid-19. But I understand that this is serious and if he is not taking your needs into account, how that would be hurtful and hard to forgive. How long have you two been together?

 

[Panina]

Is there timeshare close by that you can book for the next 4 weeks?

It is going to be a lot longer then 4 weeks and it really doesn’t reduce my risk, many workers, getting food, etc.

 

[VacationForever]

It is going to be a lot longer then 4 weeks and it really doesn’t reduce my risk, many workers, getting food, etc.

If you move to a timeshare, treat it as though it is a rental. Get groceries early morning or through Instacart if they deliver, and cook meals at home. Decline housekeeping.

 

[Panina]

@Panina sorry to hear about your challenges. This is challenging many relationships. Our twenty-something DS who works at a grocery store called us because his significant other is now demanding that he don't show up for work because she has asthma and is worried about becoming exposed. She is basically telling him to quit his job. He is requesting an LOA. I am worried they will fire him. He doesn't know what to do because he wants to help out, continue to pay bills, and keep his job.

Working I would not stop him. Just was trying to limit how many times a week as we have a choice. He seems to have no compromise, and doesn’t care what I think, that is my issue.

 

[lockewong]

You are correct, he still hasn’t accepted it.

Ultimately I am stuck, there is no where safe for me to go. I tried looking for a detached rental, nothing where I would feel safe is available. He told me you will not tell me what to do. I am sanitizing the house around him but if he get sicks and there are air droplets I am at risk.

Called his brother last night, who told me to ignore him, then told me this is serious you must make him understand, then told me he will talk to him. He is out again, have no idea where he went. He has an off site garage for his cars so thinking there.

In times of crisis some relationships get stronger, some fall apart. If this continues mine will be sadly over.

Panina. I am sorry. This is so hard. I get stir-crazy, too. It is the lack of control. I want to go out and just do something. Nevertheless, your husband has to be considerate and you cannot be exposed. Is there any place you can go to for a week so you will be safe and at least, another week will have passed and his behavior does not make you nuts? Thinking good thoughts and wished for your health.

 

[CalGalTraveler]

How about the garage or another room? I heard on the news of an ER doctor that moved into the garage to avoid exposing his young family. Not great but cost effective. You could self quarantine.
This would send a strong message to him that you are serious.

Alternatively Is there an AirBnB in the area that you can rent by the month?

 

[Panina]

I hope you can work it out. It would be sad to end the relationship over Covid-19. But I understand that this is serious and if he is not taking your needs into account, how that would be hurtful and hard to forgive. How long have you two been together?

I am with him almost 8 years. I was with my husband 24 before he passed away.

 

[bluehende]

You are correct, he still hasn’t accepted it.

Ultimately I am stuck, there is no where safe for me to go. I tried looking for a detached rental, nothing where I would feel safe is available. He told me you will not tell me what to do. I am sanitizing the house around him but if he get sicks and there are air droplets I am at risk.

Called his brother last night, who told me to ignore him, then told me this is serious you must make him understand, then told me he will talk to him. He is out again, have no idea where he went. He has an off site garage for his cars so thinking there.

In times of crisis some relationships get stronger, some fall apart. If this continues mine will be sadly over.

 

[Panina]

If you move to a timeshare, treat it as though it is a rental. Get groceries early morning or through Instacart if they deliver, and cook meals at home. Decline housekeeping.

There is risk there too, who was in the room before, who is next door, walking in the hallway to go to store, etc. There is no easy answer. And then if they close, where to go next,

 

[Panina]

Panina. I am sorry. This is so hard. I get stir-crazy, too. It is the lack of control. I want to go out and just do something. Nevertheless, your husband has to be considerate and you cannot be exposed. Is there any place you can go to for a week so you will be safe and at least, another week will have passed and his behavior does not make you nuts? Thinking good thoughts and wished for your health.

Everywhere I could go where I have family and friends Florida, California, NY and NJ are not options. Going to hotel, timeshare is risky imo too. I just am ignoring him, we are not talking, and will keep it as clean as I can. I will go it I could find a detached home to rent but still got to move my stuff.

 

[TravelTime]

There is risk there too, who was in the room before, who is next door, walking in the hallway to go to store, etc. There is no easy answer. And then if they close, where to go next,

Staying home is probably the best choice, even if it is not perfect either. Being away from home during a crisis is very stressful. Not knowing where to get groceries, not having all your own stuff, not sleeping in your bed, etc. Maybe your best bet is to develop quarantine sections at home and limit where your other half can go in the house and stay as far away from him as possible. I think @VacationForever mentioned she develops quarantine zones in the house when she or her DH gets sick and it works.

 

[Panina]

L

How about the garage or another room? I heard on the news of an ER doctor that moved into the garage to avoid exposing his young family. Not great but cost effective. You could self quarantine.
This would send a strong message to him that you are serious.

Alternatively Is there an AirBnB in the area that you can rent by the month?

We have an open concept home. He goes everywhere except my office which is very small. He uses the bathroom next to it too.

 

[Panina]

Staying home is probably the best choice, even if it is not perfect either. Being away from home during a crisis is very stressful. Not knowing where to get groceries, not having all your own stuff, not sleeping in your bed, etc. Maybe your best bet is to develop quarantine sections at home and limit where your other half can go in the house and stay as far away from him as possible. I think @VacationForever mentioned she develops quarantine zones in the house when she or her DH gets sick and it works.

Basically staying away from him. I locked the bedroom door, he slept in his man cave but as soon as I came out he ran in and used that bathroom. There are two others, one in his man cave. There is no way I can limit him, he won’t listen. I can only stay away from him and wipe anything before touching. Air Droplets I have no control. Staying home is the best option right now.