Anyone have a surprise contact from 23 and Me or Ancestry.com DNA test?

[SusanRN]

There are a number of genetic mutations that increase the risk for breast cancer. I’m glad that BRCA1 and BRCA2 are discussed, but agree that knowing you do not have either of those could change screening behaviors.
And of course breast cancer occurs without any genetic mutations as well (at least no known link, likely others will be identified down the road).

I would certainly not miss my annual mammogram because of this information; that would be foolish!
But if I had one of the BRCA genes, I would seriously consider getting a double mastectomy with breast implants. Each person decides for themself what risks they can live with.

 

[SusanRN]

I hadn't mentioned it yet, but my sister and I were also contacted by a 23andme second cousin who is trying to get residency in an eastern EU country in order to get help from his deceased wife's relatives with his adult physically disabled child . My sister did check him out, including through truepeoplesearch.
She has given him info on relatives from the 1600's that may be helpful to him.
Today he offered the following as a helpful site, in case anyone is interested.

I've been poking around FamilySearch for a few years, but never ran across this map feature until now. Here's the link: FamilySearch.org

If I'm interested in Italian residency for example, if there's an icon over Italy, I can click on it to find who my Italian ancestor was and the generations that leads to me.

It doesn't go further back than 8 generations, but on the far right is the clickable 7-digit code to go directly to specific information for anyone listed on that branch. When I went back 8 generations, it showed Johann XXX, born in 17XX. I clicked on his 7-digit code and was able to go even further back several generations. There was a direct line between Johann XXX and my dad, Robert XXX.

The next icon I clicked on was "New XXX" where Ann XXX was born in 17XX. Her lineage led to the next 5 generations (my great-grandmother) and beyond. You can click on anyone's name in the timeline to view photos, documents, stories about the person.

Hope this is useful.

I substituted the XXX's for privacy. Susan

 

[easyrider]

This has been an interesting thread. I know two people that were tracked down by their biological daughters because of DNA websites.

One is a guy that was in Canada working during summer break from College who had a fling. The woman had never let him know about the birth. Instead she married someone and had more kids. When the girl was in College she decided to find her biological father and they are now in a family type relationship.

Another is a woman whose daughter tracked her down through a DNA website. The woman gave up her daughter for adoption. They first met on Facebook then in person. Interesting is they looked like each other to the point of being sisters instead of mother and daughter.

I kind of think that women are more likely to track down their relatives than men after reading through these posts and real life experiences.

Bill

 

[rapmarks]

This has been an interesting thread. I know two people that were tracked down by their biological daughters because of DNA websites.

One is a guy that was in Canada working during summer break from College who had a fling. The woman had never let him know about the birth. Instead she married someone and had more kids. When the girl was in College she decided to find her biological father and they are now in a family type relationship.

Another is a woman whose daughter tracked her down through a DNA website. The woman gave up her daughter for adoption. They first met on Facebook then in person. Interesting is they looked like each other to the point of being sisters instead of mother and daughter.

I kind of think that women are more likely to track down their relatives than men after reading through these posts and real life experiences.

Bill

A friend of mine announced, I have two new grandsons, they are born one day apart to two different mothers at the same hospital. Seems her son was on shore leave and the rest is self explanatory. Never saw the two women after that weekend, never knew,

 

[Glynda]

I hadn't mentioned it yet, but my sister and I were also contacted by a 23andme second cousin who is trying to get residency in an eastern EU country in order to get help from his deceased wife's relatives with his adult physically disabled child . My sister did check him out, including through truepeoplesearch.
She has given him info on relatives from the 1600's that may be helpful to him.
Today he offered the following as a helpful site, in case anyone is interested.



I substituted the XXX's for privacy. Susan

Some countries, that allow residency by decent, do so based on only one or two generations of close direct ancestors (parent, grandparent possibly great grandparent) by providing historical record proof that one or more of them was/were born in (and in some cases died in) that country. That might be doable for your cousin if his own parents or grandparents were born in the eastern EU country.Doubtful if only his wife's relatives were.

However, it would be wrong for anyone looking at their Family Search map to use it to say that their DNA ancestry/ethnicity is actually that region/country's. I know that you didn't say that. I'm just using your post as a stepping stone because I see too often that some others seem to assume they should test as a DNA ethnicity because their ancestors lived in a certain region/country.

Family Search does not DNA test. So where these people that Family Search placed on a map are from, and from whom they descended, is based on what people have entered into a tree on Family Search. Those people may have used one or a combination of family knowledge, historical records and/or assumed or confirmed relationship to a DNA match from another site. If I am correct, it appears that the people who are placed in certain regions on the map that Family Search shows for me, are people I added as my relatives into my tree. I may have just copied someone's else's information. I may or may not have researched and added historical records to back up my research and if I did add records they can be wrong, as can I. I certainly didn't only add DNA matches. We can't rely on family trees to be factual. I can't look at my Family Search map and say that because Family Search placed my great-great grandparent on Sweden that he was, and I am, genetically Swedish.

OK off my soap box. Thanks for the step up.

 

[SusanRN]

Some countries, that allow residency by decent, do so based on only one or two generations of close direct ancestors (parent, grandparent possibly great grandparent) by providing historical record proof that one or more of them was/were born in (and in some cases died in) that country. That might be doable for your cousin if his own parents or grandparents were born in the eastern EU country.Doubtful if only his wife's relatives were.

However, it would be wrong for anyone looking at their Family Search map to use it to say that their DNA ancestry/ethnicity is actually that region/country's. I know that you didn't say that. I'm just using your post as a stepping stone because I see too often that some others seem to assume they should test as a DNA ethnicity because their ancestors lived in a certain region/country.

Family Search does not DNA test. So where these people that Family Search placed on a map are from, and from whom they descended, is based on what people have entered into a tree on Family Search. Those people may have used one or a combination of family knowledge, historical records and/or assumed or confirmed relationship to a DNA match from another site. If I am correct, it appears that the people who are placed in certain regions on the map that Family Search shows for me, are people I added as my relatives into my tree. I may have just copied someone's else's information. I may or may not have researched and added historical records to back up my research and if I did add records they can be wrong, as can I. I certainly didn't only add DNA matches. We can't rely on family trees to be factual. I can't look at my Family Search map and say that because Family Search placed my great-great grandparent on Sweden that he was, and I am, genetically Swedish.

OK off my soap box. Thanks for the step up.

Thanks for the info, Glynda.
Thanks for pointing out the distinction. He is interested in where people lived, not DNA. Thinking about it, I probably shouldn't have put that service in this thread, because it is not related.
This fellow is *very* familiar with the residency requirements of the various EU countries, including financial requirements, which he meets. My guess is he may be trying to put a support system in place for his child for after he eventually passes.

 

[rickandcindy23]

DNA through these two more popular sites are basically aiding biological family members to connect without using the courts to get information from adoptions or original birth certificates. It's a way around the laws that protect both sides.

I am glad to know my father is still alive, but my sister is very unsure about it. Our half-sister we grew up with (my adoptive dad's and my mom's daughter) is urging us to go and see him. I like that she is okay with it. Our dad has been gone from us since 1987.

I have an old picture of my father from when he and mom were together. I would not know him if I walked right past him on the street. That is an old pic, faded black and white, taken with a cheap camera.

 

[rapmarks]

DNA through these two more popular sites are basically aiding biological family members to connect without using the courts to get information from adoptions or original birth certificates. It's a way around the laws that protect both sides.

I am glad to know my father is still alive, but my sister is very unsure about it. Our half-sister we grew up with (my adoptive dad's and my mom's daughter) is urging us to go and see him. I like that she is okay with it. Our dad has been gone from us since 1967.

I have an old picture of my father from when he and mom were together. I would not know him if I walked right past him on the street. That is an old pic, faded black and white, taken with a cheap camera.

Will you wonder about him the rest of your life? Then go see him.

 

[rickandcindy23]

Will you wonder about him the rest of your life? Then go see him.

Yeah, I want to go, not nervous a bit, but my sister is a wreck. I want her to go with me.

 

[Monykalyn]

ave you had an experience like this after a DNA test?

yes.
Short version-the woman my husband dated right before me discovered she was pregnant, didn't tell him as we were already dating. She went on to marry a wonderful guy when the child was 2 who adopted her and had 2 more kids. When the child (now grown up with family of her own) had a baby the baby had some abnormal blood work, concerned baby might need blood/marrow etc the grown child started researching relatives-she knew her dad was adoptive dad but didn't know bio dad. My MiL has her genes all over the place thanks to her interest in this stuff. Grown kiddo reached out, confirmed through independent DNA tests.
We now have a fantastic relationship with her, her family (and 2 kids-yay for being grandparents), her mom and adoptive dad. Actually when we met the found kiddo I didn't need DNA as _OMG she is so much like him and looks so much like our daughter together. Our middle kid together now lives close to her half sister in Florida and it has been amazing!! Found kiddo's in laws adore my daughter and have invited her out to stay several times (and she's accepted lol). Our oldest together has had chronic and baffling health issues - turns out her older 1/2 sister has same thing and has helped get her diagnosed so can get condition under control-which has been a real blessing!!

No drama just great to have made connections-this was in 2018 when this occurred.

 

[VacationForever]

@Monykalyn Thanks for sharing! Love good endings!

 

[rickandcindy23]

I am going to meet my birth father today at noon for lunch. He is bringing some other kids with him for me to meet, and also his current wife.

Dragging my reluctant sister and Rick with me. I found out I have another half brother, which I kind of knew existed because my mom told me I had a little brother many years ago. Anyway, his mom died at childbirth, so his maternal grandparents raised him, which was probably such a blessing to them after losing their daughter.

My father lost touch with that son for a long time but reconnected as that son got older.

So my father does not sound like 89 over the phone. He turned 89 when I turned 69 in March. Exactly 20 years older. I have their marriage license and my original birth certificate, so I knew his birthday was in March. I would have to dig those out of my cedar chest.

I am nervous. Say a prayer for me, or keep me in your thoughts right at noon Mountain Time, which is 2 PM Eastern.

 

[Tia]

Yeah, I want to go, not nervous a bit, but my sister is a wreck. I want her to go with me.

It's what you'd like to do so just do it. It's not what your sister wants right now so let her do what is right for her. ( replied before reading your last post about lunch today.)

My sister suggested a DNA test a few years ago for something in her imagination, I told her not interested.

 

[Glynda]

It's what you'd like to do so just do it. It's not what your sister wants right now so let her do what is right for her. ( replied before reading your last post about lunch today.)

My sister suggested a DNA test a few years ago for something in her imagination, I told her not interested.

I am going to meet my birth father today at noon for lunch. He is bringing some other kids with him for me to meet, and also his current wife.

Dragging my reluctant sister and Rick with me. I found out I have another half brother, which I kind of knew existed because my mom told me I had a little brother many years ago. Anyway, his mom died at childbirth, so his maternal grandparents raised him, which was probably such a blessing to them after losing their daughter.

My father lost touch with that son for a long time but reconnected as that son got older.

So my father does not sound like 89 over the phone. He turned 89 when I turned 69 in March. Exactly 20 years older. I have their marriage license and my original birth certificate, so I knew his birthday was in March. I would have to dig those out of my cedar chest.

I am nervous. Say a prayer for me, or keep me in your thoughts right at noon Mountain Time, which is 2 PM Eastern.

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on the meeting.

 

[rickandcindy23]

I have to say, with just six hours with my birth father, I felt so much love coming from him. He was smiling the entire time, my sister went with me. I mean, he is 89 years old and was so glad to see us. We will try to get more of the kids together. We did meet one half brother. His wife is talking about a big meeting room in a restaurant somewhere. It would take a lot of space for his 7 kids and his grandkids and all of his great grandkids.

Turns out my father is kind of well known. He was a PR guy for Gates Rubber Company. Such an interesting man. He is now a professional gambler.

 

[Glynda]

I have to say, with just six hours with my birth father, I felt so much love coming from him. He was smiling the entire time, my sister went with me. I mean, he is 89 years old and was so glad to see us. We will try to get more of the kids together. We did meet one half brother. His wife is talking about a big meeting room in a restaurant somewhere. It would take a lot of space for his 7 kids and our grandkids.

Turns out my father is kind of well known. He was a PR guy for Gates Rubber Company. Such an interesting man.

I'm so glad you were able to see him for yourself; not necessarily through the lens of long ago memories and others.

 

[rickandcindy23]

I also discovered that my father and his current wife own several timeshares. Hard to get exact information, but definitely Silver Lake in Orlando, Hollywood Beach Tower, FL, and Grandview is in RCI Points. They travel, mostly drive and don't fly, and they do use what they own.

I wish they knew about resale vs. developer. I will tell them to stop paying maintenance fees on the FL ones, when they ask me about it.

My birth father is a professional gambler but worked at Gates Rubber Company for 35 years.

They also own two old Toyota Avalons with 350,000+ miles on them. One is two years older than mine, the other is 11 years newer than mine. Mine is a 2003. When he pulled into the parking lot, he parked next to us and said, "I wonder if that is Cindy's car?" Yep.

 

[Carolinian]

One of my brothers had one of these tests. There were no surprise relatives. The ethnic background did have a bit of a surprise. My paternal line we knew to be entirely German and my mothers some German and some Scotch Irish. We knew the direct paternal line was Prussian, but thought the rest of our German ancestry was from Rheinland Palitanate, where most of the Germans who settled in Catawba County in the 1740s came from. The surprise was that we also had a bloodline from Schleswig-Holstein. My brother started some research and finally determined which Catawba County German family that came from.

I have suggested to my wife that she have a test done. Her direct paternal line is Polish with a lot more Romanian blood and a bit of Ukrainian from what she knows. But it would be interesting to get a definitive test.

 

[rickandcindy23]

Our half sister discovered through 23 and Me that she has some Japanese heritage, about 10%. My dad (not my birth father) would not have been surprised, had he known. I could see it in him. His mother died in childbirth. Not much is known about her. She died in 1925.

 

[AlmostRetired]

It is a long story of a friend of mine, and the personal side of this is not mine to tell. The most interesting side of this is that as early as 1953 (1955 was year my friend was born), a doctor in the Bronx, was providing artificial insemination for women in large numbers. I believe he is up to sixteen half brothers and sisters that share the same father all discovered through DNA testing. They have regular zoom calls, many of met in person along with their families. His sister that he grew up with is his 1/2 sister meaning they do not share the same father suggesting that this was not a single donor and possibly very wide spread. The one thing in common was until testing none of them knew their biological dad was not heir dad. It is not surprising because I am sure this was not discussed back then. It is so fascinating on so many levels. The similar professions some have chosen, how their non biological father treated them, the kids of the father from ground zero. This to me this is a great story made for a movie or at least a DNA Testing commercial.

On the darker side, I know someone in their 50's who found out that he has a cousin from an unmarried aunt that was raped. The secret did not come out until the cousin contacted a family member who did DNA testing

On the personal side, I have a 1/2 brother who is 5 years younger than me which would make his birth 5 years after my parents were divorced. I did not know the reason. My mom never talked bad about him and in later years when asked why, she said we needed to discover it for ourselves. I actually got a indication of someone having the same name (Alex my sons name and Alexander his) when my son got a call from someone from the tristate area trying to collect a significant dentist bill that was unpaid from a patient that gave a false address. My last name is not common and they were reaching out to the 2 people on the internet that shared the same first and last name. DNA testing from a niece confirmed the 1/2 sibling. Turns out my 1/2 brother is a con-artist and was arrested in LA for being such as we learned in a small article in an LA paper. My father was a con-artist that my siblings and I did not talk to the last 20 years of his life. In the case of my 1/2 brother, the apple did not fall far from the tree. My mom raised us (me + 3 siblings) on her own. She has 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 12 great grandchildren and at 95 still living on her own with assistance. Needless to say I feel sorry for him because I am not sure of the environment he grew up in but I have no desire to get to know him.

 

[rickandcindy23]

@AlmostRetired that is a fascinating post. That would make a great movie. Someone needs to write the script and submit it to Angel Studios or another that would take a script like that one. I wouldn't want it to lead people to blame the DNA testing because I think it's important to be able to connect with family members this way, and it takes some of those "secrets out of the closet," where they shouldn't be in the first place.

How did their non-biological fathers treat them? Was it varied, was in similar? I think of The Boys of Brazil movie, but that is a darker side of genetics.

The apple not falling far from the tree for your brother, sounds exactly right.

My sister and I are meeting our half sister and a step sister on Thursday evening. I hope it goes well. My sister is not really sure but I am definitely going. She is 14 years younger than me, 11 years younger than my sister. I am sure we will see resemblances. Looking forward to it.

 

[AlmostRetired]

hat is a fascinating post. That would make a great movie. Someone needs to write the script and submit it to Angel Studios or another that would take a script like that one. I wouldn't want it to lead people to blame the DNA testing because I think it's important to be able to connect with family members this way, and it takes some of those "secrets out of the closet," where they shouldn't be in the first place.

A well know writer wanted to publish an article but not everyone wanted the story published. especially the children from ground zero.

How did their non-biological fathers treat them? Was it varied, was in similar? I think of The Boys of Brazil movie, but that is a darker side of genetics

It varied. My friend whose father I knew growing up treated him as a son. I do not know how many but at least one felt there dad did not treat them very well, almost like an outsider. Other's didn't know the difference. You need to remember that this had to be a blow to a mans ego 70 years ago.

My sister and I are meeting our half sister and a step sister on Thursday evening. I hope it goes well. My sister is not really sure but I am definitely going. She is 14 years younger than me, 11 years younger than my sister. I am sure we will see resemblances. Looking forward to it.

Good luck. Remember, you are meeting people you share a bond with right off the bat. This will make the first meeting go very well. Other meetings will depend on how well you get along. This is the case with anyone you meet.

 

[rickandcindy23]

This has been an amazing time for my sister and me. Not only have we met our birth father, who is a loving and kind man, but we met a half brother, Steven, twice now. He is very successful with his own business and also works for a big company doing retaining walls, like Berthoud Pass on the way to Winter Park in CO. If you see a retaining wall anywhere along a highway in Colorado, he was probably involved in it.

He also does private home rock landscaping for people. He just finished a $90K job with retaining walls and a lot of pavers and a pergola. He and a buddy have a business.

Then there is my half-sister Shannon, whom we met 11 days ago at dinner. She is actually not blood because my father adopted her as a child, when he married her mom. Our half-sister couldn't actually come because as she was getting ready, she started feeling sick and ended up with Covid.

We also met a half-brother named Scott. He is an author of a single book, and a starving artist. The book is on Amazont I didn't buy it because I know it's going to be weird. It's called Vampire Planet.

My father did not raise this son. Scott was born very small, three pounds, and his mom died in childbirth. His maternal grandparents raised him from birth. The baby needed people who could care for him and love him and not someone who had to work and drop him off at daycare. This was 1960, when he was born. Scott is shorter than me, and considering our father is 6'2", kind of surprising that he is short.

We are excited to meet my half-sister we haven't met yet, she is 5 years younger than I am. We hope the other siblings and our father and his wife also join us. Sounds like Thursday is the day. We will probably meet at the same steakhouse kind of in the middle of where we all live.

I have never had a brother, and I love having not just one, but two brothers! It's very exciting for me. I feel overwhelmed with love from all of them.