Anyone have a surprise contact from 23 and Me or Ancestry.com DNA test?

[WaikikiFirst]

Not sure why there is a wide GAP on the South Chinese side of the DNA map? There is no shortage of population from that region of the world?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Not 100% sure what you mean by "South Chinese". Taiwan? Chinese blood in rest of Asia?
I'd guess Chinese nationals are a lot more worried about advertising relationships to the govt (CCP) than Americans seem to be.
Almost every time I spend more than a few minutes with someone who was raised in China, I am surprised by how quickly the differences in "thinking" about a wide array of things appear. And, I tend to rest most of it in that single factor: CCP. Thanks, Chairman Mao.

 

[rickandcindy23]

wait, wait, wait, they do this? Well, my interest in any of those services just went from zero to deeply negative.
Is it optional to let them send your name around if you pay for the test?

That's very dramatic.

I don't get the negatives that some of you associate with DNA.

You can be as private as you want with 23 and Me, but my specific goal in the beginning WAS in case my birth father or his close family would be able to get in touch with me.

You are obviously not in the same position. I am curious. I was born curious.

For all of you who think that privacy is so darned important, consider that all of your calls are listened to, all of your emails are read, specifically for words that are associated with terrorism. All of the people who think that is okay are the same people who think this DNA test is not okay. I did this willingly, no one forced the saliva out of my mouth.

 

[Timeshare Von]

My sister, her son, me & my hubby all did the Ancestry.com DNA testing a few years back. No surprises in the results on my side of the family and no unwanted stalkers, etc.

But David's (my hubby) test (which he did to gain some medical knowledge on his birth father who denied paternity for decades and until his death around 2007), brought all sorts of nonsense to light. One aunt (his birth father's half sister) reached out and made contact with David, not understanding why Ancestry.com indicated he was a possible family member. It was initially very good for him, because the DNA testing proved who his father was, and with the exchange of childhood photos, etc, there was really no denying who his father was. David today is the spitting image of his father at this age, as were many photos from his teen years through adulthood.

Once this aunt knew about David for the first time, she & David met several times over coffee or lunch. He enjoyed getting to know her . . . and his father through her. After a couple of months, she told another half sibling (a brother). He reached out to David and invited us both out to a very nice dinner with him & his wife. There were a lot of big pretenses and bravado around that dinner table, resulting in a sense of discomfort that these people felt David (we?) were out to get something from them or David's father's estate/widow. Again he had been dead for more than a decade.

For David it became a real $hit$how . . . and the half aunt became insulting and rude . . . it was very hurtful to David because he felt initially she was sincerely in wanting to connect with him and to have some sort of real family connection (especially since she had been estranged from her brother's "other side of the family" for a very long time).

To this day, he's still happy he did the DNA and got confirmation on who his father was so that from a medical history perspective he knows more today about the type of possible hereditary issues he might have as he gets older.

 

[rickandcindy23]

@Timeshare Von That's too bad that the initial meeting with the aunt seemed to go well, then it didn't with his sibling? I think you are saying David's brother, not the aunt's brother. I read it twice.

Brothers can be confrontational, even if they were raised together. Our oldest son said something to our other son yesterday that Rick and I both heard and thought was insolent and rude, but I don't think our son heard it. Our oldest son is quite jealous of his younger brother. He shouldn't be, both boys are successful, but the younger is self-made and has more "expensive toys," the oldest is just smart and has a lot of degrees. They don't respect their differences at all.

My father being alive is rather shocking to me.

 

[Timeshare Von]

@Timeshare Von That's too bad that the initial meeting with the aunt seemed to go well, then it didn't with his sibling? I think you are saying David's brother, not the aunt's brother. I read it twice.

Brothers can be confrontational, even if they were raised together. Our oldest son said something to our other son yesterday that Rick and I both heard and thought was insolent and rude, but I don't think our son heard it. Our oldest son is quite jealous of his younger brother. He shouldn't be, both boys are successful, but the younger is self-made and has more "expensive toys," the oldest is just smart and has a lot of degrees. They don't respect their differences at all.

My father being alive is rather shocking to me.

It was the aunt's half brother . . . who was a "full brother" to David's father. It's pretty confusing, I know.

 

[Glynda]

My Mother is half Chinese. We always knew that. But she never knew her biological father since she was placed in foster homes soon after birth.

This is what my 23andMe report indicates. "You most likely had a parent, grandparent, or great-grandparent who was 100% South Chinese. This person was likely born between 1870 and 1930."

Not really 100% sure but I don't get any hits on my maternal grandfather's side from South Chinese ancestry?
I get plenty of of hits on the other grandparent sides. Plenty from my father's side as well?

Not sure why there is a wide GAP on the South Chinese side of the DNA map? There is no shortage of population from that region of the world? I can understand that the DNA ancestry marketing companies may not have penetrated that market in China? However there have to be many immigrants in the west that would want to know their ancestral cousins?

Anyone have any other theories as to why I don't get any info from my paternal South Chinese side of the Tree?

There are countries like France, Switzerland and Germany that ban direct to customer genetic testing. Poland also has some sort of laws concerning it. I don't know about China.

 

[Glynda]

I have my family tree "on Paper". Someone has done the research, and that is the children and families that we "know" about. Not sure I want to delve into what we don't know.

My dad's family tree goes back to 1422 and my mom's goes back to 1701.

Paper trails can only tell so much. If one really does want to know, the DNA has to be followed. I can understand why some don't want to open what could be "a can of worms." As an adoptive child searching, I've opened plenty of them! But since I did not know my birth family, I can stay somewhat removed. If I was learning unpleasant things about the family I grew up in, that would probably be more distressing to me.

 

[Glynda]

I have a friend who was adopted. He found (and subsequently visited) his birth mother and some (?) half siblings. I recall that he got a notification through Ancestry.

Our daughter-in-law found that her birth father, who had abandoned her and her mother when she was very young, had subsequently fathered another family in another state. She and a half-sister have become a good bit closer. Perhaps closer than acquaintances, but not like sisters, if you catch my drift.

So, it happens. What one does with the information is up to them.

I can see some value, especially for adoptees, to get family health history as many illnesses 'run in families'.

Jim

As an adopted child, I feel that I have a right to know from whom and where I came, as well as medical information. Whether or not any of us would want to have a relationship is up to the individuals. However, if I am someone's dirty little secret that's on them, not me. I don't feel compelled to keep their secret.

 

[Glynda]

I subscribe. The article says that a DNA researcher in the U.K. found that about 1 in 7,000 people there are a product of a first-degree (parent-child, sister-brother) or second-degree (uncle-niece, grandfather-granddaughter) relationship. I can't imagine the U.S. is much different...pretty discouraging.

One learns a whole lot about human nature when researching family trees through DNA.

 

[PigsDad]

You can be as private as you want with 23 and Me...

Except when the company's data is hacked. But since that never happens, it should be fine. Oh, wait...

Kurt

 

[Glynda]

wait, wait, wait, they do this? Well, my interest in any of those services just went from zero to deeply negative.
Is it optional to let them send your name around if you pay for the test?

No. On Ancestry for example, you can make your DNA private but that also means that you will not see your DNA matches.

 

[Brett]

Except when the company's data is hacked. But since that never happens, it should be fine. Oh, wait...

Kurt

But wait, there's more!
Your DNA is not actually hacked, it's the name and account information
Your born and unborn (and unknown) relatives could be unscathed

 

[clifffaith]

We had family friends with four sisters. Except that the youngest sister was actually the daughter of the oldest one. This would have happened in the ‘50s, and at some point it was disclosed enough that my mother and her friend knew, but my recollection was that the young “sister” did not yet know. I imagine lots of those types of secrets have come to light with DNA research.

 

[Glynda]

Except when the company's data is hacked. But since that never happens, it should be fine. Oh, wait...

Kurt

They got information that their testers chose to allow their DNA matches to see. On most sites, one can choose not to allow their information to be seen. Even by their matches in common. They did not get raw DNA data. Still, it was not very assuring.

 

[WaikikiFirst]

My father being alive is rather shocking to me

I didn't catch it, did you say you saw him again? There must be many more adopted people than I realized.
"It's not an easy thing to meet your maker." - Roy Batty
"Questions... Morphology? Longevity? Incept dates?" - Roy Batty
"Luke ..."

 

[dougp26364]

I didn't catch it, did you say you saw him again? There must be many more adopted people than I realized.
"It's not an easy thing to meet your maker." - Roy Batty
"Questions... Morphology? Longevity? Incept dates?" - Roy Batty
"Luke ..."

I think there are a lot of adopted people that are now in their 50’s, 60’s and older. It wasn’t uncommon for children to be placed for adoption when a farming accident took the life of the husband and the wife didn’t have the means to provide for all their children. In the 60’s, if you had an unwanted pregnancy, about the only option was adoption. Some mothers were sent off to special “schools” in neighboring states to avoid public humiliation.

My wife’s grandmother was adopted after a farming accident killed her great grandmothers husband. I was adopted thru a private adoption due to an unwanted pregnancy. As other options have become available, I feel like adoption has declined as a whole the last 50 years.

 

[rickandcindy23]

As an adopted child, I feel that I have a right to know from whom and where I came, as well as medical information. Whether or not any of us would want to have a relationship is up to the individuals. However, if I am someone's dirty little secret that's on them, not me. I don't feel compelled to keep their secret.

I feel the same way. Then again, I think my birth father's kids and grandkids might be in shock right now.

 

[VacationForever]

I just see no reason for my DNA to be stored in any kind of database. Not for me.

 

[rickandcindy23]

I didn't catch it, did you say you saw him again? There must be many more adopted people than I realized.
"It's not an easy thing to meet your maker." - Roy Batty
"Questions... Morphology? Longevity? Incept dates?" - Roy Batty
"Luke ..."

What is your question? I am trying to figure you out.

I am surprised he is alive because he must be 90 by now. My mom died at 65.

 

[WaikikiFirst]

question?

Did you see him agian or just find out about his status from his kids / grandkids / etc? If not, is it being planned?

 

[dougp26364]

As an adopted child, I feel that I have a right to know from whom and where I came, as well as medical information. Whether or not any of us would want to have a relationship is up to the individuals. However, if I am someone's dirty little secret that's on them, not me. I don't feel compelled to keep their secret.

Looking at it from the other side I can understand the need for privacy. Also, I would be concerned without the condition of privacy adoption my be taken off the table as an option. My wife’s grandmother was apparently embarrassed by her situation and, even though she knew who her birth family was, swore no one would ever find out. It’s been several years since her death and records have started to become unsealed. We’ll never understand her shame, but it was hers and she guarded that secrete all the way to her grave.

I would love to know something of my birth families history. However, I also understand things could go sideways in a hurry. People aren’t always logical or reasonable. Personally I don’t need anything or want anything. If any of my birth family told me to butt out and go away, no problem. The less drama in my life the better. I would like to know some history but it won’t change my life.

So I guess it comes to to who’s right is it really? Mine to know my birth heritage or my birth families to protect their secretes and potentially keep their family together. I’ve made my information public. I’ve reached out to a few DNA matches. I’ve made it as easy as I can for them to find me. I’ve done what I can to reach out to them. Time will tell if this was an intelligent decision on my part.

 

[easyrider]

Anyone have any other theories as to why I don't get any info from my paternal South Chinese side of the Tree?

Maybe because South China borders North Korea is my guess.

Bill

 

[rickandcindy23]

Did you see him agian or just find out about his status from his kids / grandkids / etc? If not, is it being planned?

I have to call my real father's current wife. I have her cell number. I have been hesitating until my younger sister decides whether she wants to go as well.

 

[VacationForever]

@billymach4 DNA testing is a western thing.

 

[Glynda]

I just see no reason for my DNA to be stored in any kind of database. Not for me.

Looking at it from the other side I can understand the need for privacy. Also, I would be concerned without the condition of privacy adoption my be taken off the table as an option. My wife’s grandmother was apparently embarrassed by her situation and, even though she knew who her birth family was, swore no one would ever find out. It’s been several years since her death and records have started to become unsealed. We’ll never understand her shame, but it was hers and she guarded that secrete all the way to her grave.

I would love to know something of my birth families history. However, I also understand things could go sideways in a hurry. People aren’t always logical or reasonable. Personally I don’t need anything or want anything. If any of my birth family told me to butt out and go away, no problem. The less drama in my life the better. I would like to know some history but it won’t change my life.

So I guess it comes to to who’s right is it really? Mine to know my birth heritage or my birth families to protect their secretes and potentially keep their family together. I’ve made my information public. I’ve reached out to a few DNA matches. I’ve made it as easy as I can for them to find me. I’ve done what I can to reach out to them. Time will tell if this was an intelligent decision on my part.

Privacy is no longer an option given DNA testing. A birth parent can keep his or her family together by either not sleeping around or disclosing what happened to those who matter and working through it. Then they won't be caught down the road having lived a lie.