Stay At Home Humor

[DaveNV]

Not sure who'll need more training after quarantine: Shopkeepers or drivers.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine job change...

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine reality check.

.
.
.
.
.
.
(That's all there is to it. It's a tap. On the screen. Get it?) LOL! Dave

 

[Jan M.]

 

[Bunk]

Do you think the thief that wasn't caught has enough sense to remove the watermelon from his head while the police are looking for him.

Imagine what the lineup would look like

Cops: Virginia Booze Thieves Wore Watermelons On Head As Disguise

Two young men wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads stole alcohol from a Virginia convenience store, according to police who this weekend apprehended one of the masked bandits. The du

www.thesmokinggun.com

 

[DaveNV]

Do you think the thief that wasn't caught has enough sense to remove the watermelon from his head while the police are looking for him.

Imagine what the lineup would look like
View attachment 20958

Cops: Virginia Booze Thieves Wore Watermelons On Head As Disguise

Two young men wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds on their heads stole alcohol from a Virginia convenience store, according to police who this weekend apprehended one of the masked bandits. The du

www.thesmokinggun.com

There is a joke in there about being melon headed...

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

View attachment 20951

View attachment 20952

I laughed at this, but it speaks directly to how I tend to think about many Impressionist and Modern Art images: I freely admit I am certainly no expert. But like these images show, what if the artist was just drunk/clumsy/really bad at it, and got away with it? People are often too quick to assign some magical result to what (to me) is obviously a piece of junk, or a mistake. Every home in the world with a refrigerator and a child in preschool has had a "masterpiece" hanging on it at one time or another.

Don't get me wrong - I like art a lot, and will try to appreciate everything I see. But sometimes I look at a museum piece and think, "Why? Why is this art?" The next thought is usually, "I could do this, maybe even better." And then I shake my head and move on, giving full credit to the artist who made millions with this kind of stuff.

Dave

 

["Roger"]

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine doesn't change everyone.

Dave

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine wishes.


A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $19.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come in again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine, until the two enter again. "The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly, the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something. But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "So, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."



Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine health check.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine picnic.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

My quarantine reality. It's the same out of quarantine, too.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine exercise.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Homeschooled kids listen to their parents.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine cleaning goals.

Dave

 

[Luanne]

 

[Luanne]

You can't make these things up. The newest social distancing for bars and restaurants.

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[mentalbreak]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

You can't make these things up. The newest social distancing for bars and restaurants.

View attachment 20979

Why not just put everyone into bumper cars? Create a patio with an electrified wire mesh roof, and when you enter you get strapped into your own bumper car. You can tool around however you like. There would be a drive spots where you could place and receive your orders. And within the patio you go wherever you want, as long as you remain in your bumper car!!!!

Might get messy with drinks getting spilled though. But it would be hilarious to see a bunch of inebriated and half-inebriated people navigating in the cars.

 

[pedro47]

DaveNW, I love your humor from North of Seattle, Washington.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 20984

When I was in junior high school, the community were I lived opened a new swimming pool. The student newspaper ran a story about the opening of the pool, the story announcing that the pool would be open for pubic use by June. Junior high kids thought that was hilarious.

 

[Jan M.]

Now I kinda want one of these.