Stay At Home Humor

[Passepartout]

CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE 1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. 2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage. 3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through. 4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do. 5. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. 6. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money. 7. HEROES What a man in a boat does. 8. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower. 9. PARADOX Two physicians. 10. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm. 11. RELIEF What trees do in the spring. 12. RUBBERNECK What you do to relax your wife. 13. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does. 14. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official.

Where's that 'GROAN' emoji?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

For the chemists in the audience:

• 
  more commonly known as Mercedes Benzene
• If you electrocute someone by connecting two electrodes with a NaCl bridge, would that be assault and battery?
• A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop starts to get the luggage, but then he realizes the photon was traveling light.
• Two atoms are drinking in a bar. The first one says "I think I lost an electron." The other atom asks "Are you sure?". The first atom replies, "I'm positive." The second atom responds, "That's what you get not keeping an ion them."
• Later the second atom gets up to leave, says goodbye to the bartender and walks out with paying that tab. The first atom asks the bartender why the second atom didn't have to pay for his drinks. The bartender looks at the atom and says, "Doh! He's free of charge."
• Don't believe anything an atom says. They make up everything.
• If you chill yourself to -273.15C, will you be OK?
• I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO
• If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, would they become alloys?

Folks this thread is at 185 pages now. I had to resort to chemistry jokes because by now all the good jokes argon.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

More -

*****
Why was the mole of oxygen in an excited state when he left the singles bar? He left with Avogrado's number.

*****
A glass is half filled with water.

• The optimist says it's half full,
• The pessimist says it's half empty.
• The fatalist says it's half full now, but after you drink the water the glass will be empty and what will you do then?
• The chemist says the glass is full - half with liquid water and half with saturated air.
• The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

*****
The chemist tricked out his car with reduced profile steel tires. Now he had ferrous wheels.

**************
The inorganic chemist's wife insisted that her dead husband not be cremated. In accordance with his wishes she was going to barium.

************
If you put a wisdom tooth in a beaker of water, is that a one molar solution?

***************
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."

************
What did the titrant say to the solution? "Let's meet at the endpoint."

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Tank]

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[Tank]

 

[DaveNV]

Be careful what you teach them. They're listening.

**************************************************

A mother was listening to her little boy do math, and he said,
"2+2 the son of a bitch is 4." She wasn't sure she heard right
so she listened again. He said, "3+3 the son of a bitch is 6."

She said. "Hey, now! Excuse me, young man. What are you doing?"

He said, "I'm doing math, like my teacher taught us."

The mom called the teacher. She said, "My son says he is doing
math like you taught him." She gave her the example. "He's
saying, '3+6 the son of a bitch is 9.'"

The teacher started cracking up. When she finally recovered
enough to speak, she said, "Ma'am, what I said was, 'The SUM OF
WHICH is 9.'"

The mother sent the teacher a dozen roses.

**************************************************

Dave

 

[isisdave]

One of my old favorites: dimethyl chickenwire

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

Make me think of one of the prep chains I learned in Organic Chemistry. . . .

Starting with Texas mesquite and oyster shell, make penicillin.

 

[SmithOp]

hate to break up the science party

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

 

[Tank]

 

[plpgma]

View attachment 33198

Excellent optical illusion!

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

Excellent optical illusion!

I had the hardest time , my phone kept wrong siding up the picture while I was trying to look at it

 

[Tank]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 33189

One of my old favorites: dimethyl chickenwire

I have used that in various technical presentations.

Occasionally I also mention this one:

That's plain old sodium baloneyate.

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Jan M.]