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Stay At Home Humor
- Thread starter Ken555
- Start date
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- Jun 1, 2006
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- Mesquite, Nevada
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Dave
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2006
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- Location
- Mesquite, Nevada
- Resorts Owned
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Dave
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- Jun 7, 2005
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Westin Kierland
Sheraton Desert Oasis
Brett
Guest
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- Resorts Owned
- Free Agent
DaveRalph Sir Edward
TUG Member
Pandemic One-Liners
Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!
So can we expect car insurance to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering . . . Jake, from State Farm.
Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little twerps!!!
Cops these days will be like . . . come out with your hands washed!
I’m as bored as an Amish electrician!
Homeschooling Update: My child just said "I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year"!
And just like that . . . having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.
Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but staying home on the couch can do for your country.
Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.
Ladies . . . time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.
I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.
I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!
Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!
With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship . . . it’s on Paperview.
Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past year!
Sitting at the bar in the kitchen last night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number.
Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?
Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.
Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!
So can we expect car insurance to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering . . . Jake, from State Farm.
Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little twerps!!!
Cops these days will be like . . . come out with your hands washed!
I’m as bored as an Amish electrician!
Homeschooling Update: My child just said "I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year"!
And just like that . . . having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is OK.
Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but staying home on the couch can do for your country.
Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.
Ladies . . . time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.
I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.
I can’t believe I can walk into a store to buy weed, but I have to meet my hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!
Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!
With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship . . . it’s on Paperview.
Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past year!
Sitting at the bar in the kitchen last night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number.
Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?
Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.
T_R_Oglodyte
TUG Lifetime Member
| CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE 1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. 2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage. 3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through. 4. AVOIDABLE What a toreador tries to do. 5. COUNTERFEITERS Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. 6. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money. 7. HEROES What a man in a boat does. 8. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower. 9. PARADOX Two physicians. 10. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm. 11. RELIEF What trees do in the spring. 12. RUBBERNECK What you do to relax your wife. 13. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does. 14. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official. |
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