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Stay At Home Humor

This one tickled me today:
“Marriage is sneezing three times and having someone yell JESUS CHRIST! from the other room”. I’m the one in the other room, but I have a tolerance level of five sneezes before I yell.
 
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A dyslexic man walked into a bra .....

A dyslexic woman walked in to a meeting of DDAM ....

A dyslexic parishioner was praying to his dog .....
 
Working on it
One day at a time

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An oldie but goodie ...

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding, said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird poop."

The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook."
 
My neighbor got the results from a mental and physical examination, but he couldn't figure out what a TB test of 80 means. At the same time, his IQ test came back negative.
 
Victoria's Secret is releasing a series of World Cup-themed lingerie. First out is an English-inspired bra, featuring ample support, but lacking a cup.
 
T_R_Oglodyte said:
Victoria's Secret is releasing a series of World Cup-themed lingerie. First out is an English-inspired bra, featuring ample support, but lacking a cup.
Click to expand...
Also in the planning is a Canadian-inspired hockey bra. As with the England bra, the Canada bra will have ample support but will also not have a Cup.
 
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