What can I pre-do as Executor to make things easy?

[clifffaith]

Today was interesting.

Brought lunch to Mom and sister as we do every month or so (we are approx 75 minutes away). Mom and I were getting plates ready while Cliff visited with sis. Ten minutes later there is a blow up in the living room and sis storms out the front door not to return during the 2.5 hours we were there. Cliff teased her about her not knowing how to do something on the cell phone. Forty years, Cliff, forty years. He knows she doesn’t take kindly to teasing, yet hasn’t learned his lesson. Not making it easier for me.

Later I said to Mom that I am aware sister uses Mom’s credit card to grocery shop for them (Mom is pretty much house bound except for doctor and hair appts), and that I didn’t “expect” sis to run out and put charges on Mom’s card, and I didn’t want to be weird about sister continuing to buy groceries for “a bit” after Mom died, but that at a certain point I’d need to secure (meaning cancel) that card. Then I hear that last time credit card needed to be renewed she got a duplicate for sister in her own name. OK, fine, now I know there are two cards for that account. Oh, and the statement is broken down into two parts based on whose card is used and when Mom reviewed it (line by line, matching it to receipts) she discovered a $170 charge she didn’t recognize. So my antennae are way up at this point, because I know where this is going. I asked twice where the charge was from and feel like Mom sidestepped me, but she eventually said Macy’s. OK, so my sister is clothes shopping on Mom’s card. AND she did not mention it, AND I expect she thought Mom wouldn’t notice it (which is stupid because as my sister once put it “Mom is a bully for details”). To Mom’s credit she asked my sister if she wanted to write her a check. My sister had some cash on her so they decided she’d just pay for the next couple of grocery trips and my mother kept track until it was paid back. OK, sis, now tell me you don’t trust ME! She absolutely thought she was pulling a fast one.

Mom and I had a short discussion on the worst case for my sister which would be that Mom has a health crisis that results in her not being able to return home. That means house will be sold and investment account held on to as Mom uses those funds to pay for a care facility. Basically sis is SOL until/unless Mom dies.

When I suggested I set up access for me to Mom’s online banking, she looked at me blankly and says she hand writes checks. Repeated/explained — doesn’t get it. Or doesn’t want to get it.

Probably the same blank look I gave her when she wanted me to read the trust binder (and all the notes she’s stuffed in it) cover to cover. Not happening until I have reason to. I know the gist — split 50/50, no extraordinary measures/cremated/scattered/no funeral.

 

[rapmarks]

Faith,maybe your sister is taking advantage. Maybe your mother is a willing participant. Don’t let small things get to you.

 

[Talent312]

If the CC is your mom's account and sis is merely an authorized user,
when mom passes, just send a death cert to the CC company, and
they will close the account. Sis will be liable for any post-death charges.

 

[rjrsmr]

Today was interesting.

Brought lunch to Mom and sister as we do every month or so (we are approx 75 minutes away). Mom and I were getting plates ready while Cliff visited with sis. Ten minutes later there is a blow up in the living room and sis storms out the front door not to return during the 2.5 hours we were there. Cliff teased her about her not knowing how to do something on the cell phone. Forty years, Cliff, forty years. He knows she doesn’t take kindly to teasing, yet hasn’t learned his lesson. Not making it easier for me.

Later I said to Mom that I am aware sister uses Mom’s credit card to grocery shop for them (Mom is pretty much house bound except for doctor and hair appts), and that I didn’t “expect” sis to run out and put charges on Mom’s card, and I didn’t want to be weird about sister continuing to buy groceries for “a bit” after Mom died, but that at a certain point I’d need to secure (meaning cancel) that card. Then I hear that last time credit card needed to be renewed she got a duplicate for sister in her own name. OK, fine, now I know there are two cards for that account. Oh, and the statement is broken down into two parts based on whose card is used and when Mom reviewed it (line by line, matching it to receipts) she discovered a $170 charge she didn’t recognize. So my antennae are way up at this point, because I know where this is going. I asked twice where the charge was from and feel like Mom sidestepped me, but she eventually said Macy’s. OK, so my sister is clothes shopping on Mom’s card. AND she did not mention it, AND I expect she thought Mom wouldn’t notice it (which is stupid because as my sister once put it “Mom is a bully for details”). To Mom’s credit she asked my sister if she wanted to write her a check. My sister had some cash on her so they decided she’d just pay for the next couple of grocery trips and my mother kept track until it was paid back. OK, sis, now tell me you don’t trust ME! She absolutely thought she was pulling a fast one.

Mom and I had a short discussion on the worst case for my sister which would be that Mom has a health crisis that results in her not being able to return home. That means house will be sold and investment account held on to as Mom uses those funds to pay for a care facility. Basically sis is SOL until/unless Mom dies.

When I suggested I set up access for me to Mom’s online banking, she looked at me blankly and says she hand writes checks. Repeated/explained — doesn’t get it. Or doesn’t want to get it.

Probably the same blank look I gave her when she wanted me to read the trust binder (and all the notes she’s stuffed in it) cover to cover. Not happening until I have reason to. I know the gist — split 50/50, no extraordinary measures/cremated/scattered/no funeral.

Cliff,
Years ago after my dad passed, my mom and I sat down and had a long talk about finances, I had only a little knowledge prior to that. Met with her attorney, had her trust updated to have her and I as co-trustees and she named other successor trustees (I am only child.) Her and my names were both on her checks. Worked on getting all her asset accounts so the trust was the beneficiary (in case something happened to me first). Asked her if it was ok to set up on-line access to her bank and credit card so I could "watch" her statements just to keep track of things in case of mistakes or fraud. She had things direct deposited and auto debits. When she decided to move into senior living, she resigned as trustee as she has mobility issues and didn't want the burden of selling and closing. When the house sold, I deposited the funds into her checking account & then she opened a CD with it. We continued that way for years, with her taking care of her own bills right up till the end.

I haven't seen any other comments about this yet, and this is in AZ. Upon her death I went to the attorney just to make sure I understood the next steps. When then second parent dies the trust becomes IRREVOCABLE and becomes its own tax entity, meaning it needs its own tax ID number or EIN. This is done on irs.gov website and the date of trust is the date of death. Lawyer said he could do it, but said I could do it myself and thus save lawyer $$. Trust documents and death cert copies were sent to all her accounts and checks were sent to the trust. I had to open a separate account owned by the trust to deposit said funds and then distribute to beneficiary, which, me being the only child, was me. IRAs are different, they can't be owned by a trust but have named beneficiaries. They have to be converted to inherited IRAs to be cashed out or invested in your choice of investment. Was able to pay all final bills/expenses because I was listed as trustee on her checking acct. Had to leave account open for quite a while for some direct deposits to be returned due to them already being processed so close to date of death.

Other than a couple hiccups with a few assets that didn't get into the trust, which copies of the pour-over will and the trust & death certs took care of, it was pretty seamless. It was a fair amount of work and required 3 tax returns to be filed, her final individual return, the trust return and our joint return. I do realize it's easier w/o siblings & you have one living in the house to boot. Everything should be clearly stated in the trust according to mom's wishes. Open, honest communication is key & the sooner the better. Don't delay.

Hope this helps. Good luck!