Stay At Home Humor

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[pedro47]

Quarantine fact.

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Dave

I love it. I have a doctor's appointment coming up and I am going to use this as an excuse for my weight gain. LOL.

 

[mentalbreak]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

A man asked his wife, "If you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"

"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie: the latest Hollywood blockbuster, hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine OMG moment.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Greeting Card shopping.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Community Service.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine hiking uh-oh.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Homeschooling Lesson.

Dave

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Quarantine OMG moment.

View attachment 21692

Dave

 

[Jan M.]

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[Luanne]

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[mentalbreak]

 

[Luanne]

 

[vacationtime1]

 

[IngridN]

View attachment 21771

Too funny...DH was annoying me with this routine just the other day!

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

View attachment 21771

Here's my addendum to the Abbot an Costello routine.

C: "Forget about the infield for a minute."
A: "Fine."

C: "You've got an outfield, right?"
A: "Do we have an outfield! The best in the League!"

C: "They have names, don't they?"
A: "Certainly."

C: "Let's start with the Left Fielder."
A: "That's Nobody."

C: "Nobody's in left?"
A: "Of course. Great fielder."

C: "How can Nobody be a fielder? The ball will never be caught!"
A; "Nobody catches lots of balls."

C: Getting agitated. "How can anybody catch a ball when Nobody's in left field!"
A: "Nobody can catch his own balls. There's no need for Anybody to catch them for him."

C: "But there's nobody in left to catch the ball!"
A: "Of course! He's the left fielder."

C: Extremely agitiated..."Isn't <somebody> going to catch a ball hit to left field?"
A: "Of course not. Why would he be over in left field?"

C: Befuddled..."I just thought somebody would want to catch the ball."
A: "Only when he's playing his position. There he catches lots of balls."

C: "His position?"
A: "Yes. He's our right fielder. You can't have an outfield without a right fielder."

C: "But you have an outfield with nobody in left!"
A: "Why not? He's a great fielder."

C: "Why don't you have somebody in both left and right fields?"
A; "One man can't play both positions, that's impossible!"

C: (Pulling himself together.) "Is there a center fielder?"
A: "One of the best! Anybody."

C: "Anybody can play center field?"
A: "He could play center field on any team!"

C: "How did he get on your team?"
A: "We traded six players to get him."

C: "Your team was willing to trade 6 players for anybody?"
A: "In a heartbeat. We suckered the other team!"

C: “Can anybody hit a home run?”
A: “Lots of them. Nobody has a higher batting average, though.”

C: “What kind of outfield do you have when everybody’s batting average is below nobody’s?”
A: “You’ve been looking at our bench roster. . . “

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Online Shopping Dilemma.

Dave

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Inexpensive no-battery required smoke detector. Replacement units available at almost any grocery store.