Stay At Home Humor

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[kanerf]

This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory. How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?

View attachment 65548

Dave

Alas, there are no more Sears in my area at all.

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[pedro47]

This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory. How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?

View attachment 65548

Dave

Now that was a magacial "Wish Book," in color from Sears for children of all ages. IMHO.

 

[Quiet Pine]

This isn't a joke, but it is a fond memory. How many of you were thrilled when this arrived at your house?

View attachment 65548

Dave

From 1951 to 1955, my family lived in Salzburg, Austria. We could shop at the Army PX, but getting the Sears catalog was a huge treat for me (age 11-14). It was the Amazon.com of its day.

 

[DaveNV]

From 1951 to 1955, my family lived in Salzburg, Austria. We could shop at the Army PX, but getting the Sears catalog was a huge treat for me (age 11-14). It was the Amazon.com of its day.

I know, right? I lived in Washington State at the same age, and the Sears Wish Book was like Christmas morning - in advance.

Dave

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Luanne]

 

[DaveNV]

The placement location of this restaurant sign is, um... unfortunate. LOL!

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Diary of a Mad Shoveler
or
A Texan Moves to Minnesota

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of
the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for
hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic
we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the
first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our
driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway,
so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would
be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of
winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. l don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our
neighbor.

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't
in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice
in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
laughed for an hour, Which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn
snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white *bleep* fell today, and it's so cold it
probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the
time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired
to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the
rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the
asshole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month
ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch
the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him
through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner
and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching
for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the f***ing
slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE
BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me
for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white
pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

More Minnesota:

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.


50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.


20 above zero:
Floridians use coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.


15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
**Twin Cities window washers show up five minutes early, add antifreeze to cleaning solution (true ” the home in question was mine).


Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.


25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
**Gabriel Kaplan (my 15 year-old son) puts on long pants.


460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying . . . “Cold ’nuff fer ya?”


500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.

 

[geist1223]

The parts about Florida are a tad bit inaccurate. My SIL and her DH live in Melbourne Beach Florida. In the 70's they put on sweaters. In the 60's they are putting on jackets and gloves.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 65667

The four kinds of Jello intrinsic to a Minnesota salad bar:

1. ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape.
2. Jello with mandarin orange slices. Usually in strawberry, raspberry, or lime jello.
3. Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots.
4. Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.

Note that the layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.

 

[PamMo]

The four kinds of Jello:

1. ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape
2. Jello with mandarin orange slices. Usually in strawberry or raspberry jello.
3. Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots
4. Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.

The layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.

Lime jello with shredded cucumber and canned crushed pineapple!

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Lime jello with shredded cucumber and canned crushed pineapple!

Yeah - but that's only at an upscale place, like a Holiday Inn, or at a classy catered wedding reception. Or sometimes at a potluck, where someone thinks they can impress the other people by getting fancy. You can tell, because the person who brings that jello dish makes sure to their name is obvious on the side of the dish, using magic marker and masking tape, so that everyone will know who brought that dish.

I was thinking more of what you would see at an ordinary place like Perkins or Old Country Buffet, or one of the diners you can find off the Interstate exits or in the downtown area of most any small town outside the Cities, such as the Chatterbox Cafe in Lake Wobegon.

 

[PamMo]

Hahaha, @T_R_Oglodyte! First generation American here, and that was one of my mother's favorite jello recipes! Our family of ten had the cucumber-pineapple and the cottage cheese-carrot version more times than I could count! My mom was awesome!

 

[Brett]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 65681

Microwave the nuggets or the children????

 

[Passepartout]

THOSE WHO LIKE MY POSTS ARE MORE INTELLIGENT, BETTER LOOKING AND NICER TO BE AROUND ACCORDING TO A STUDY I MADE UP.

 

[Ubil]

The four kinds of Jello intrinsic to a Minnesota salad bar:

1. ordinary Jello - typically strawberry, raspberry, orange, or grape.
2. Jello with mandarin orange slices. Usually in strawberry, raspberry, or lime jello.
3. Lime jello, blended with cottage cheese and shredded carrots.
4. Orange, strawberry, or lime jello, blended with coleslaw.

Note that the layout easily converts to a dessert bar by replacing the lettuce with Reddi-whip.

I toured the Jell-O Gallery in LeRoy, NY (where Jell-O was invented) last week.

JELL-O Gallery - History

 

[dago]

THOSE WHO LIKE MY POSTS ARE MORE INTELLIGENT, BETTER LOOKING AND NICER TO BE AROUND ACCORDING TO A STUDY I MADE UP.

Thank You LOL