Stay At Home Humor

[emeryjre]

rish Sawmill Accident

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".

Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital..

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".

And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.

 

[LannyPC]

A blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.”
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

I actually heard that joke many years ago except the worker was a newly-landed immigrant whose English was limited and had a very foreign accent.

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[clifffaith]

This gave me a fit of giggles because back when we were still working our customer left her baby in a playpen in the room where Cliff was hanging her new draperies. Left on his own Cliff tooted merrily away, permeating the entire room from his lofty perch at the window. Customer came back into the room after a while and immediately snatched up the baby asking “did you poopy?” So glad I wasn’t with him that day!

 

[Tank]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[plpgma]

 

[emeryjre]

Paddy and Mick on long distance flight.

“This is the Captain. We’ve lost one engine, but no worries, we have 3 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 3 engines. But we are going to be 1 hour later reaching our destination”

One hour later, “This is the Captain. We’ve lost another engine, but no worries, we have 2 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 2 engines. But we are going to be 3 hours later reaching our destination”

One hour later, “This is the Captain. We’ve lost another engine, but no worries, we have 1 left and this aircraft can fly safely on 1 engine. But we are going to be 5 hours later reaching our destination”.

Paddy says to Mick “BeJesus, Mick, if we loose that last engine we could be up here all night!”

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[dago]

View attachment 55097

I'm old enough LOL

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]