Stay At Home Humor

[Ralph Sir Edward]

View attachment 49319

Dave

I always knew that anthropologists were stuck up. . . .

 

[dago]

Parody of Stayin' Alive

New video by Gina G*******

photos.app.goo.gl

(Someone please let me know if the link works)

That was great
Apologies to the Barry Gibb

 

[isisdave]

The millennium generation have no ideas what Boone's Farm is?LOL

I see they still make Mateus, too.

 

[Brett]

 

[Tank]

 

[isisdave]

Ahh, the old hurl-a-whirl!

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Two Irishman are lost at sea in a lifeboat. One finds a lamp and rubs it to find a genie who offers them one wish. Before the other can say a word, one of them leaps to his feet and yells, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie performs this miracle and vanishes.

The other Irishman glares at the him and says "O'Malley, you idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[dago]

Two Irishman are lost at sea in a lifeboat. One finds a lamp and rubs it to find a genie who offers them one wish. Before the other can say a word, one of them leaps to his feet and yells, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie performs this miracle and vanishes.

The other Irishman glares at the him and says "O'Malley, you idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

Oldie but goodie
Good one

 

[PigsDad]

Ahh, the old hurl-a-whirl!

The one in the next town over where I grew up was placed on asphalt! In fact, most of the playground equipment had asphalt under it (swings, slides, monkey bars, etc.). What were they thinking??? Maybe that's why the kids from that town always seem tougher (at least the ones that survived childhood...).

Kurt

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

In fact, most of the playground equipment had asphalt under it (swings, slides, monkey bars, etc.). What were they thinking???

Where I grew up, there was usually broken glass on top of the asphalt. We didn't mind; that just made more incentive not to fall from the monkey bars or get thrown off the whirl-around.

There's a school of thought that says the facing and confronting risk is a necessary part of childhood development. By this thinking, all of our efforts to make playgrounds totally risk-free is ill-advised.

 

[Brett]

 

[DaveNV]

A guy walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man,
maybe a foot tall, and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little
man starts playing Mozart, as the guy orders his drink.

The bartender says, "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find
a little man who plays piano like that?"

The guy says, "There's a Genie outside granting wishes. I'll bet he's still there,
if you hurry."

The bartender races outside. A few moments later a bunch of ducks come in
the front door, quacking loudly, and making lots of ruckus. The bartender follows
them in and goes up to the guy. "You didn't tell me the Genie was deaf! I wished
for a million bucks, not a million ducks!!"

The guy raises an eyebrow, and levels an eye toward the bartender. He pauses,
then slowly says, "Do you really think I wished for an eleven inch pianist?"

**************************************************

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on
“Take your child to work day”. As they were walking around
the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky.
Her father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered
round, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that
you said you worked with?”

********************

Dave

 

[tombanjo]

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

(A mulching chopper?)

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[DaveNV]

It could happen...

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

A good mechanic knows how to listen to the customer.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

This is a long read, but worthwhile. Hope you enjoy.

********************************

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…

Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck
Tech Support

********************************************

Dave

 

[plpgma]

 

[DaveNV]

I always follow the rules.

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave