Stay At Home Humor

[Tank]

 

[plpgma]

 

[SmithOp]

 

[DaveNV]

Lonely Planet's new Travel Books, Covid Edition.

Dave

 

[Tank]

 

[mentalbreak]

This one resonated with me. As young adults my brothers and I would go to the “Saturday evening mass” by driving by church to pick up a bulletin and then hanging out at a park or bar for an hour.
Catholic guilt was an amazing parenting tool in my parents home.

 

[clifffaith]

I thought the "Wizard of Oz/Tornado Bernie" that I posted earlier was my favorite. I've changed my mind!

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Some old Sunday School humor:

Johnnie was listening intently as his teacher was telling the story of Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom when God destroyed the city with fire and brimstone. When the teacher told the class how Lot's wife looked back at the city as they were running away and turned into a pillar of salt, Johnnie couldn't contain himself.

"Teacher, Teacher!" he said. "Last week as my Mommy was driving to the grocery store, she looked back. And she turned into a telephone pole."

*************

Q: What is world's oldest sport?
A: Baseball. The book of Genesis tells us that "In the big inning, God created the Heavens and the Earth."

Q: What is the world's second oldest sport?
A: Tennis. Again the book of Genesis relates how Joseph served in Pharoah's court.

 

[mentalbreak]

 

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[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 31886

Years back, I remember driving the 5 in the Central Valley in CA. When I was in a hurry I pointed the rear view mirrors up to keep watch on the sky behind me. I did Walnut Creek to Redding one time in 2hr-20 minutes. CHP was not allowed to use radar in those days, so all I had to be aware of was the eyes in the sky, and the bears in the bushes and on the bridges.

I lucked out. There was one CHP I encountered near Willows, but he was already writing a ticket for someone he took down ahead of me. I saw the lights flashing on the side of the road in plenty of time. Then when he was out of the rear view mirror, I dropped the hammer again.

I was driving a Mitsubishi Diamante at the time, almost exactly like the one below - my favorite vehicle I've ever owned. Really well tuned and powered. If I was on a highway, its natural cruising speed, where it would settle in if you weren't paying attention, was 90-95 mph, and with the overdrive the engine was turning less than 2000 rpm at that speed. For those of you who are familiar with I-90 in Washington, one time I was doing the climb from the Vantage Bridge over the Columbia River to Ryegrass Summit east of Ellensburg. I had a coworker in the car, and we discussing some project work, so I was just letting the car go. At one point she turned to me and asked how fast we were going - not with any trepidation, but just out of curiosity. I looked down and we were doing the grade at 95-100 mph, smooth as butter. I dropped it down to 80 and set the cruise control, and it felt like we crawling.

Top speed I ever hit in the car was about 110 mph, on Hwy 4 between Martinez and Hercules, early one morning when I was the only vehicle, dry road, clear skies, full moon. The car wasn't anywhere near top end, but that was the limit of where I was comfortable. About 100 mph was the top of the smooth zone, where the car would settle in if you weren't paying attention.

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Age is Relative. Or maybe it's: Relatives Ages?

*************************************

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She
starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the
stairs or coming down?"

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to
her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

***************************************

Dave

 

[Tank]

 

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[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]