Need Hugs, Incense, Prayers, Chocolate - whatever works

[neash]

PJ - I have also read your posts about your issues with your daughter over the years. My heart goes out to you and her. Prayers for her safety and well being.

 

[Rose Pink]

I wish you and your family all the best. It is quite likely she grows out of this but somehow you have to make sure that she is staying safe. In 2 months, a year or 5 years she may be completely over this but babies and diseases last a lifetime.

The guys see are meeting online that would want to get involved in this situation probably would not make suitable fathers or be responsible in their previous choices.

Is it also possible that she is just making a lot of this stuff up?

I'm feeling a little protective of PJ at the moment. Just so our fellow tuggers are aware, PJ and her DH have bent over backward to try to make sure their much-loved daughter is protected and safe. They have had the talks with her about babies, etc etc etc. They have sought out help from the medical community and other sources. They have done all that can be done.

The daughter is as PJ explained in the OP. She refuses to display what most people would call common sense despite, or in spite, of all her parents and others have tried to tell her.

PJ and her DH are beside themselves with worry and grief and have been for a long time. This past week has been torture for them.

And, no, the daughter is not making this up. PJ has been with her DD in the ER--and that was not made up.

The daughter is 19, so legally an adult, but without the emotional skills of an adult. She is otherwise a beautiful, sweet, kind, funny and wonderful person but in some areas, she just won't listen to reason. And she is in danger because of it.

 

[Jaybee]

PJ...I, too, feel your pain, frustration, and grief over your daughter's problems. I went through similar experiences with my older daughter, from the time she was 13. She was DX'd as Bi-Polar, but I'm sure she was schizophrenic, also.
Her behavior was unbelievable, to anyone who hadn't witnessed it, and I hate to hear of anyone going through that pain and confusion, and helplessness.

It seems that you do understand when you need to walk away, at least temporarily, and know what you can't control. My prayers are with you, and your family. Hugs... Jean

 

[pjrose]

Is it also possible that she is just making a lot of this stuff up?

She exaggerates everything - everything is a crisis. Always has. She is making up the story of being kicked out of the house and needs a place to stay. She is not making up the cardio-vascular condition, mental health issues, online dating, or running away - that is all real. Rose Pink noted that we've been in the ER with her - it's been more than thirty times!

Unfortunately you can't change her, she has to want to change.

True, but she doesn't have the best "wiring". She has tunnel vision, wants what she wants when she wants it. A few hours before she flipped, she wanted to buy new scrubs for school and her upcoming externship. No good sense of self, limits, or consequences. Moods go back and forth when under stress or not on meds.

 

[pjrose]

I'm feeling a little protective of PJ at the moment. . . .

The daughter is 19, so legally an adult, but without the emotional skills of an adult. She is otherwise a beautiful, sweet, kind, funny and wonderful person but in some areas, she just won't listen to reason. And she is in danger because of it.

Awww, thanks "sis". TUGgers, Rose Pink and I have been in communication outside of TUG for quite awhile. She has been a lifeline for me. {HUGS}

 

[Twinkstarr]

You need to get the whole family together--at least the ones she cares about--and maybe her best friends, to meet with her and tell her of your concerns. You and DH have done that many, many times. If she is agreeable, you immediately take her to an in-patient facility that you have pre-arranged will admit her. However, she still can check herself out.

Rose Pink that is a great idea.

PJ-my thoughts are with you and your DH.

 

[puppymommo]

Dealing with a loved one who has mental health issues/mental illness is incredibly stressful and can be heartbreaking, especially if the person is not taking their meds.

None of us really knows what PJ and her family are going through, but we can send them our compassion, our concern, our prayers and our support.

DH has schizophrenia and alcoholism. Fortunately he takes is medication faithfully. Except when he forgets to order/pick up his refills. Last time that happened, he didn't take his meds for 3 days and started hearing voices again.

As for alcoholism, he has fallen off the wagon 3 times in the past 10 years. The latest came to light just a few weeks ago when I noticed a six-pack of beer in the bottom drawer of the refridgerator. He didn't think I'd notice it? In the past when he's started drinking he has hidden it. When confronted he agreed to quit.

So, PJ and family, you have my compassion and support. You daughter sounds like an amazing person. I hope and pray that some day (soon) she will be able to accept the help she needs. Even so, this is likely to be a life-long struggle for her. For you.

Hang in there. You are NOT alone.

 

[Rose Pink]

Rose Pink that is a great idea.

Not my idea, Twinkstarr. It was Cathyb's idea. And is a good one if the DD will accept the intervention.

Have you thought of a family Intervention? We had one for our daughter (alcohol) and she agreed to go to a rehab place and it took a few years but she is now alcohol free for 7 years.

That sounds like a good idea. I don't know how that works.

I only responded to PJ's question about how intervention works.

You need to get the whole family together--at least the ones she cares about--and maybe her best friends, to meet with her and tell her of your concerns. You and DH have done that many, many times. If she is agreeable, you immediately take her to an in-patient facility that you have pre-arranged will admit her. However, she still can check herself out.

Frankly, at this point, I don't think it will work. It's not like PJ and her husband have not already tried. They've had their daughter in counseling for quite some time. And they did try to get her admitted a few days ago but the crisis center refused to agree to it. So, now their daughter is out running amok again. Let's just hope, pray and send good thoughts that she will live to come home again.

 

[Thomfam]

I will be praying for you and your family. I'm sure you have done everything possible for your dd and don't need my advice. So I'm sending prayers, hugs and compassion. Hopefully, all the love and compassion you are receiving from your Tug friends will give you some strength to help your daughter and peace knowing you are doing all you can.

 

[Kay H]

This is a sad situation for the whole family. Try, try, try to no avail. I'll add your family to my prayer list and hope that no harm comes to her and that things turn around soon. This must be frightening to you.

 

[jackio]

I pray for your daughter's safety, and I hope she is safely home soon. You can only do what you can do; that is the heartache. I wish you peace during this incredibly difficult time. Best of luck. - Jacki

 

[pjrose]

thanks to all

Thanks all. Keep those good vibes going. She has a lot going for her.

And to those with kids and other relatives with MH issues, oh boy what you've gone through. She certainly needs a thorough evaluation and serious counseling and med changes.....it's gonna be hard.

Meanwhile, DH and I have to face reality of our jobs and life; we can barely function but have to force ourselves to.

I don't recommend this weight-loss program, but I have lost about 7 lbs.

PJ

 

[Carol C]

You're in my thoughts and prayers. I was once a very unruly teen, set loose in public school after 8 years of being raised by nuns most of the year. I got my crap together when I realized that I'd never make it into college if my grades kept going down due to bad conduct, suspensions, etc. I realize your DD might be out of high school but is she ambitious, does she want to go to college? Maybe someone in mentoring with an eye on college prep could have a heart to heart with her. Again, your wonderful family is in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[pjrose]

She is attending a technical school full-time for an Associate's degree in a medical field, works hard and has great grades, (potentially) starting in an EMT program next week, and has several volunteer positions. She is very goal oriented except when she gets off-track.

Many/most of the technical students are on their own, often with babies (DD has a strong baby wish ). She sees the other students being independent without mommy and daddy and she wants the same. She knows - but doesn't seem to connect with - the reality that they are juggling jobs, school, kid(s), and finances, can't afford to buy gas for the car, can't afford the school books, don't have medical insurance or time off if their child gets sick, etc etc.

When she is stressed or something goes wrong her "wiring" (or chemicals, hormones, whatever) turn this lovely girl into an angry impulsive person who makes terrible decisions.

Obviously the current meds and counseling aren't enough. We know she needs more treatment - just hope she gets it and agrees to work with it.

 

[akp]

PJ

I'm so sorry for what you're going through!

I find it so interesting that I wouldn't know a single one of you if I saw you on the street, but I feel so strongly for you when in trouble. Quite the little community we have here...

Anita

 

[JudyH]

I work with kids and parents a liked all you guys. I don't know how you get the strenght you have. I've done this 25 years now, and have seen a lot of young people finally get it right. Don't give up.

A lot of parents like this book.


Augusta, Gone: A True Story by Martha Tod Dudman

 

[pjrose]

She is Safe!!!!!

A young man close to her age whom she "met" online called me; he picked her up from wherever she had been last night, brought her close to home, they met us, we gave her meds for a few days and made her take today's, and made a point of the birth-control pill ("You don't want to pay child support do you?" "No Ma'am!").

We were quite impressed with him calling us, we know his name, where he lives, etc.

She seemed ok, and promises to be in touch, come back in a day or so, and go back to school on Monday.

We know there's a lot of hard work ahead and more bumps in the road. I don't think she understands yet that SHE will have to work on managing her condition(s) if she's to have a stable future. However I'm feeling a heck of a lot better than I did before.

I felt a lot of comfort from all the prayers and other good Karma AND chocolate, and it helped to hear from those of you who have been through difficult times with your loved ones.

Anita is right-on with the post below; yes, the TUG Lounge group is a great bunch of people!

I find it so interesting that I wouldn't know a single one of you if I saw you on the street, but I feel so strongly for you when in trouble. Quite the little community we have here...

Anita

 

[Htoo0]

Hope things continue to get better.

 

[Sandi Bo]

So glad to hear your daughter is safe. It does sound like she has a lot going for her, and she has your unconditional love and support. I bet you sleep good tonight. Hang in there.

 

[suesam]

Praying for you and your family PJ. Keep up the good fight! They are worth it!

Sue

 

[MuranoJo]

PJ,
I agree with others who say there is light at the end of the tunnel, and this will turn around. She must have wanted to connect with you, to let you know she was alright, so that's a good sign. And her new friend must have wanted to help or encourage her.

Continue to hang in there, as I know you've been doing for some time.

 

[SueDonJ]

I'm glad to see your update, PJ, and hope for continued good news for all of you. I think it's safe to say that Anita put into words what many of us are thinking - probably all of us on this thread have spent many minutes thinking of you today. Hope you and your husband can manage to catch up on some sleep tonight ...

 

[Rose Pink]

yay! Hope this time is the last time you have to go through this.

 

[pjrose]

She is out again

Unfortunately, she is determined to stay out. She went to dinner with a friend she's known since second grade, lied that we were going to pick her up after dinner when we were expecting the friend's dad to drive her home as he always does, and is on the run again.

She is going to do what she's going to do. It is out of our hands. She has meds for a few days (though I doubt she'll take them), and a cell phone and charger. I won't cut her off from the phone plan.

 

[Htoo0]

You do what you can and that's about all you can do. Still hope it works out OK.