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Need Hugs, Incense, Prayers, Chocolate - whatever works

pjrose

pjrose

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
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Location
Central PA USA
My 19 y/o DD is a full-time student, living at home, and has serious anger and impulsivity issues as well as a cardio-vascular condition that leads to fainting.

She is on the run with no meds and not a whit of common sense.

Last weekend she got angry about something, got onto online dating, told guys she was kicked out of the house, and was on the run for four days. She was eventually removed from a bad situation and ended up in an ER; Crisis talked about putting her in an inpatient program, but it was denied so we took her home.

Then the next day (yesterday) she fainted and was in another ER. Tonight she got back onto online dating, got angry with us, and ran away again. We didn't try to argue with her; she seems determined to self-destruct and needs more help than we can give her. She is being "rescued" by random online guys. Please send good thoughts in whatever way fits your belief system.

:bawl: :bawl: :bawl:

PJ
 
Geesh!
Lots of {{HUGS}}... and if I may be so bold as to suggest:
A casserole-sized bowl of chocolate ice cream.
 
Sending thoughts, prayers, and virtual hugs your way.
 
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. There is nothing worse than a mother's heatbreak over a child she cannot keep safe and well. (I know from experience) My prayers and thoughts are for all of you.
 
my thoughts and prayers today for you and your family
 
Oh my gosh. Lots of love and prayers. Please let us know how things are going.
Love,
Ellen
 
Over the several years I have been posting on Tug I have read your posts about your daughter. The true picture of the situation takes time to develop. Nobody could at first understand the torment you have been suffering. I truly believe you have the inner strength to deal with the latest situation. I am confident that "time and love" will be the cure.
 
My heart goes out to you. The anguish we feel as parents is enormous, when we have to watch as our children make poor, and often dangerous choices. I hope and pray that your daughter quickly realizes that her recent behaviour is not the answer. Hugs coming your way.

Dori
 
PJ

I am so sorry for your heartbreak, I sympathsize as we have had several years of ups and downs with our DD and we really thought for a while we were going to lose her and felt so helpless at not being able to help her from self destructing.

Several things to note, She had severe reactions to several medications that were supposed to help but actually made it much worse.

Lyrica, Cymbalta and YAZ birth control. (She has RSD, a chornic pain condition in her knee as the result of surgery). My Niece also had a very bad reaction to YAZ.

Hang in there.. my DD is now almost 23 and I am picking her up today from a 3 month internship in New Zealand.... it has taken a lot of really low downs but we think she is finally herself again.... a year ago she would not have been able to do the intership...She would not have had the ability to live in small quarters witth 2 other girls without either imploding or exploding.

I will say a prayer

Chelle
 
Hugs and a suggestion

pjrose said:
My 19 y/o DD is a full-time student, living at home, and has serious anger and impulsivity issues as well as a cardio-vascular condition that leads to fainting.

She is on the run with no meds and not a whit of common sense.

Last weekend she got angry about something, got onto online dating, told guys she was kicked out of the house, and was on the run for four days. She was eventually removed from a bad situation and ended up in an ER; Crisis talked about putting her in an inpatient program, but it was denied so we took her home.

Then the next day (yesterday) she fainted and was in another ER. Tonight she got back onto online dating, got angry with us, and ran away again. We didn't try to argue with her; she seems determined to self-destruct and needs more help than we can give her. She is being "rescued" by random online guys. Please send good thoughts in whatever way fits your belief system.

:bawl: :bawl: :bawl:

PJ
Click to expand...

I feel for you and send prayers and hugs! It seems that online dating is one of the problems -- could you secure the computer where she couldn't use it or at least not be able to sign on to those programs???

Have you thought of a family Intervention? We had one for our daughter (alcohol) and she agreed to go to a rehab place and it took a few years but she is now alcohol free for 7 years.
 
I am so sorry to hear of your latest troubles:( I have been thru a lot of it with my younger daughter.

At 16 I didnt know where she was for 3 days and that was torture. Kicked out of HS, angry, depressed... Has been on anti-seizure medication since she was 13. Today, at 21, she is my sweet girl again, but from 14 - 18 she was a completely different person!! She has changed her medication, gotten her GED, babysits for her sisters children fulltime, and told my older sister just last week that she knows she put her mom and stepdad, and her father thru hell and wished she could take it all back.

Sending prayers and thoughts your way. Thoughts, prayers and time all do wonders!!

ps - and I also went thru an awful lot of chocolate ice cream during that bad time:)
 
Gosh, PJ, what a challenge! Wishing you chocolate, hugs, and especially, peace.

Added: DW says since she is an adult, guardianship is your only option if you wish it. You both are in our hearts and thoughts.

Jim Ricks
 
Last edited:
PJRose, you're one of the few people that post on TUG that I consistently enjoy reading. I appreciate all that you offer TUG.

I wish you the very best outcome possible for your current situation and I'll say a prayer for you and your daughter.
 
PJ, I feel for you. You are a good parent. We're running into some trouble this summer too with our teen, so I can relate. None of us are perfect but we all do our best. I hope you don't go through too much anguish. There is unconditional forever love which you have, but there is also a line when you can do no more.
 
MommaBear said:
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. There is nothing worse than a mother's heatbreak over a child she cannot keep safe and well. (I know from experience) My prayers and thoughts are for all of you.
Click to expand...
Amen!

Patri said:
PJ, I feel for you. You are a good parent. We're running into some trouble this summer too with our teen, so I can relate. None of us are perfect but we all do our best. I hope you don't go through too much anguish. There is unconditional forever love which you have, but there is also a line when you can do no more.
Click to expand...
Amen and amen.

Hugs to you PJ. I pray for your peace and solace as you learn to let go.

Fellow tuggers, PJ and her husband have been valiant in their efforts to help their daughter and keep her safe. They have truly done all they can do. The DD has access to computers away from home. That is all I will say but please know that the parents have not been neglectful in any way whatsoever.
 
Cathyb said:
I feel for you and send prayers and hugs! It seems that online dating is one of the problems -- could you secure the computer where she couldn't use it or at least not be able to sign on to those programs???
Click to expand...

We've done that. It worked for awhile and she was compliant, but more recently she used school computers to set it up again. She is very rebellious.

Cathyb said:
Have you thought of a family Intervention? We had one for our daughter (alcohol) and she agreed to go to a rehab place and it took a few years but she is now alcohol free for 7 years.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a good idea. I don't know how that works.
 
PJ - You must be incredibly frustrated! :wall:

You will get through this - no one can stay an angry teenager forever!

Hang in there!
 
pjrose said:
That sounds like a good idea. I don't know how that works.
Click to expand...
You need to get the whole family together--at least the ones she cares about--and maybe her best friends, to meet with her and tell her of your concerns. You and DH have done that many, many times. If she is agreeable, you immediately take her to an in-patient facility that you have pre-arranged will admit her. However, she still can check herself out.
 
As the dad of a 19 year old daughter, I can only imagine how frightening this must be for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
I can't imagine a worse nightmare for a parent. I have no advice, just hugs and prayers.

Although a little different, I saw my step-nephew become completely debilitated by schizophrania. He was a handsome, intelligent, social and delightful young man. The disease has taken a terrible toll on him and his family. One of the big problems is that he goes through periods where he won't take his meds.
 
I wish you and your family all the best. It is quite likely she grows out of this but somehow you have to make sure that she is staying safe. In 2 months, a year or 5 years she may be completely over this but babies and diseases last a lifetime.

The guys see are meeting online that would want to get involved in this situation probably would not make suitable fathers or be responsible in their previous choices.

Is it also possible that she is just making a lot of this stuff up?
 
Been there, done that. Keep yourself well and healthy, eat and sleep as you can, you need to keep your strength up to deal with this.

For us, basically making sure our daughter was as safe as we could keep her, but still outside the home until there were some changes, seemed to be the turning point. But I certainly don't suggest that every situation is the same. There were drugs involved in her life at the time. Good news is she DID turn the corner and is now a fantastic mom to our little two year old as her and her new husband forge ahead together. Light at the end of the tunnel - and it's not always another train!!

Just know we are thinking of you.

Bev
 
PJ, Know that my heart goes out to you. There isn't much I can say, unfortunately, that will help. I wish there was. Take care of yourself, that's very important.

Unfortunately you can't change her, she has to want to change. Its not "your fault," she is old enough to be making her own decisions, good or bad. I know you love your daughter, even if at times you don't like her actions.

And remember, most of all, there is always HOPE for a brighter future.

{{{ HUGS }}}

Fern
 
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