Thanks for the moral support. Mom was looking a little better yesterday and I am possibly leaving NY on Tuesday.
Just a couple of comments- @b2bailey
you and I are on different pages about pretty much everything, the reasonableness of spouses moving together, kids moving closer to their elderly parents, etc. It’s so interesting to realize the scope of what seems “normal” to people. Thanks for your input even if to me it “does not compute”.
As far as organizing people and telling them what is needed- there really is nothing. As I mentioned, my Mom is in the hospital and then will go to rehab and then to independen/assisted/skilled nursing as appropriate. The care logistics are well organized. My comments about relatives are really about showing basic human kindness. My Aunt and Cousin for example- as a child my family spent every vacation with their family. We grew up together. We were close and have been in regular communication our entire lives. You could I suppose call people and say “Hey I need you to do X Y or Z to demonstrate that you care about people you have known since birth”. But really what is the point of that? People either know how to be kind, to demonstrate caring, or they don’t. If I need emotional support from someone but to get it I have to call them up and explain what their behavior should be, well that’s not really support, is it?
Part of the reason my Mom has remained in NY however is because she has a huge circle of long time friends who are here for her. These are the folks who are providing day to day visiting, support, favors, errands, etc. So logistically she is in pretty good shape and this continuing care community she is in is really great. Her needs are met expect for perhaps psychological when things get tough.
As far as me being a caregiver type, I’m really not in any kind of hands on way. The truth is that my relationship with my mother is fraught. But still she’s my mother and I want to do the right thing and make sure she is in the best possible situation.
It has been a hugely stressful time for me, mostly because this is all going down in the middle of the job search, which is itself stressful, with a lot of wheels in motion.
Thanks for listening. We will get through this crisis soon enough I hope!