Stay At Home Humor

[clifffaith]

 

[SmithOp]

An epidemiologist, ER Dr, and a scientist walk into a bar...

nevermind, it didn't happen.

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[T_R_Oglodyte]

memories of a pre-COVID lockdown event ...

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

View attachment 23052

This triggers memories.

***************************

I grew up in suburban Minneapolis in the 1960s, in a suburb consisting almost entirely of homes constructed soon after WWII for new families. On the block where we lived, there were 16 houses, 12 of which had children born between 1945 and 1955, and almost all of the Dads had been military. It seemed as if one of the expectations for the men in the neighborhood was to teach the children how to detonate fireworks safely. Never mind that fireworks were illegal. Before the Fourth, there were usually at least three or four houses that would make trips to South Dakota to get fireworks. And as soon as kids starting setting off fireworks, the Dads would come out to check on what was going on.

We were taught safety, and we were taught maximum dramatic effect. During that era, building models of airplanes and cars was a big deal. As was exploding said models with firecrackers in the lead-up to the Fourth.

The houses in the neighborhood were all two-story, and one afternoon some of my friends and I decided to blow up a model airplane mid-air by putting a firecracker in it, lighting the fuse, and dropping it from an upstairs window. On our first attempt the plane plummeted to the ground before the firecracker detonated, which completely obliterated the effect we were looking for. So before blowing up a second plane we decided that we need to work out the drop before doing our next live run. To slow the drop, we tried tying the ends of handkerchief to a second model plane to act as a parachute. But when we did that, the handkerchief collapsed, and the plane plummeted to the ground again.

Then a helpful Dad gave us some pointers for making sure the lines attaching the handkerchief to the model plane were the right length and were spaced properly. He also pointed out that we needed to cut a vent hole in the center of the handkerchief to allow a controlled exit of air trapped inside the parachute to keep the 'chute from collapsing. But not too large and not too small. If the opening was too small or too large, the parachute would be ineffective. After some tries incorporating his ideas, we realized that we should start with a small opening, then incrementally increase the opening until we reached the right size. That was after cutting one that was too large, and realizing that we had to throw that one out and start over because once the opening was made, we could always make it larger but we couldn't make it smaller. After three or four tries incorporating his suggestions, we were able to get the drop to proceed nicely.

We stuck a 2-inch Black-Cat in the cockpit and dropped the plane from my sister's upstairs bedroom window. About five feet off the ground we were rewarded with an exquisite mid-air explosion.
Such a great memory. We learned a combination of problem-solving skills, combined with some hands-on physics lessons of the types that we seldom got in school.

***************

A related story - there was a crotchety old man in the neighborhood who made it clear that he didn't like the children in the neighborhood. He complained frequently to our parents about the noise we made while playing, he never had anything nice to say to us when he was outside and we were nearby - the only thing he ever said was to be sure to stay out of his yard and be quiet.

When he heard fireworks going off in the neighborhood, he would call the police and they would do a fireworks patrol in the neighborhood. So we punked him. All of us had cap guns, and we learned that if we put a roll of caps (see below for an image of a roll of caps) on a concrete block or brick, and struck the roll with a hammer the effect was similar to setting off a small firecracker.

So we would get about 50 rolls of caps. They cost about $0.10 for a box of 25 rolls. We would start out near the crotchety guys house, hammering caps and knowing he would call the police. We knew all of the shortcuts through side yards and between fences and hedges so we could easily move from street within about a four-block radius.

So we would position a couple of guys as lookouts, and they would signal when the police appeared. Then we would use the shortcuts to head to a different area and start hammering. So the police would head to that area, and we would decamp elsewhere. Our goal was to see how long we could keep the police in play before they gave up. And the beauty was that if they caught up to us (which they never did), there wasn't anything we had done wrong since cap rolls were not banned.

**************

Postscript - the crotchety guy died and left his wife as a widow. After he was gone, she started interacting with us, inviting us in for cookies and cocoa (winter) and lemonade in the summer. She loved having us around. We started reciprocating by being sure that when there was snow, we took care of her driveway and sidewalk (which we never did when her husband was alive unless he paid us - and we charged him more because he would grumble and complain about having to pay us). She would invite us in for cookies and cocoa, and we considered that a fair quid pro quo. And in the summers she hired some of us to mow her lawn and occasionally take care of some other chores.

As I got older and reflected on this, I've used this a lesson to realize that often things in life are more complex and nuanced than they might appear to be, and that it's important to understand deeply before arriving at conclusions.

 

[geist1223]

Smart Widow.

 

[Tank]

.
I remember caps well. Was a really neat gun setup, pretty dependable

Firecracker crabapple fights, bottle rocket fights
They were not easy to get back in the day we lived in Ohio
I remember my uncle came over and I Washed /waxed His car. He gave me a Whole brick of firecrackers for doing it, I was in heaven!!
Never forget that day.

we use to make our own smoke bombs. Lived next to the blue tip match company so we took foil and Broke off the blue tip Strike anywhere matches in a big ball tightlywrapped in foil. Throw it on any hard surface and the matches would strike and smolder a nice Smokey surfer ball of smoke.

 

[geist1223]

One day in 6th Grade I took a Roll of Caps to School. It was a Catholic School that went from 1st Grade through 8th Grade. A friend begged for a couple caps and I gave them to him. He open up his 3 Inch Metal Ring Binder and placed them on one side of the Loops and let them snap together. Teacher got mad. He ratted me out for giving them to him. I got sent to the Office not him. At the Office they made me call home. By chance my Dad was home that day and I explained to him why I was calling. He asked me to repeat the story. He could not believe I was the one in trouble. He got on the Telephone and told the Nun that he would take Care of it when I got home. I was worried. Nothing happened when I got Home. He never mentioned it ever again.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

One day in 6th Grade I took a Roll of Caps to School. It was a Catholic School that went from 1st Grade through 8th Grade. A friend begged for a couple caps and I gave them to him. He open up his 3 Inch Metal Ring Binder and placed them on one side of the Loops and let them snap together. Teacher got mad. He ratted me out for giving them to him. I got sent to the Office not him. At the Office they made me call home. By chance my Dad was home that day and I explained to him why I was calling. He asked me to repeat the story. He could not believe I was the one in trouble. He got on the Telephone and told the Nun that he would take Care of it when I got home. I was worried. Nothing happened when I got Home. He never mentioned it ever again.

I remember in sixth grade. There was one teacher in a classroom of 25-30 students. No teacher's aide. Teachers got about a 20-minute break time in the morning, when they would assign some work and leave the classroom unattended. Some students did the assigned work diligently; others less diligently.

A couple of kids had learned how to made darts using chewed and wadded paper and a stick pin. You could use a large-diameter soda straw as a blow gun to shoot the dart. Even at the time we knew these things were dangerous, and could take out an eye. We policed ourselves to be sure that nothing like that ever happened.

One day, a couple of kids noticed there were a couple of spots in the ceiling that made good targets, so while the teacher was on break we would shoot darts at the marks. To score you had to stick the dart on the mark. Most darts hit the ceiling and fell to the ground, where they would be retrieved. A couple of kids got pretty good at making theirs stick.

So one time the teacher came back after break and launched into her next lesson. About fifteen minutes into the lesson, one of the darts detaches from the ceiling and drops onto her desk. She stops, looks at the ceiling, and sees about fifteen darts stuck in the ceiling of her classroom. Being who she was, she became enraged and demanded to know who was responsible.

Nobody was ratting, so like Claude Rains she rounded up the usual suspects and sent them to the office as the guilty parties. I concede that everyone she sent to the office had been involved. But there were some that had been involved who didn't get sent and got off scot free (y compris moi).

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Smart Widow.

Not humorous response.

We recognized that she was being the subservient wife while he was alive. When he was dead she could be herself. Reflecting on this years later, as an adult, I realized he was abusing her, at minimum emotionally, if not physically.

 

[Jan M.]

 

[DannyTS]

The American Medical Association debated whether the country should be re-opened. Here are the results by medical specialty:



The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,

but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,

while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing

and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would

"put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,

and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

 

["Roger"]

A true story, but with a touch of light humor. Several weeks ago, the Barcelona Opera hosted a performance of Puccini's Les Chrysanthemes. Since gatherings of people were prohibited at the time, they filled the opera house seats with plants. Just prior to the performance, they announced (to the plants) please turn off your cell phones, do not take flash photos, and do not make noise during the performance. When the performance was over, they turned on fans in the seating area and the russle of leaves gave off a sound akin to the plants applauding.

 

[Jan M.]

 

[Ken555]

View attachment 23176

This used to mean perfect clarity...how the world is upside down these days...


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Talent312]

BTW, in dealing with other stay-at-home family members, I suggest using
the phrase "How nice" as a euphemism...
-----------------------
Three neighborly women were sitting in rockers on a front porch, sipping tea.
One says: "My husband loves me so much, he bought me that new Mercedes."
The others look it over and say, "How nice!"
The 2nd one says: "My husband loves me so much, he bought me this ring."
The others look it over and say, "How nice!"
The 3rd one is quiet, and the others ask her, "Doesn't your husband love you?"
The 3rd one says, "My husband loves so much, he sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!" They exclaim. "How does that show he loves you?"
"Well, at charm school they teach you to say, 'How nice!' instead of 'F*ck you."

.

 

[PigsDad]

The American Medical Association debated whether the country should be re-opened. Here are the results by medical specialty:



The Allergists were in favor of scratching it,

but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception,

while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing

and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would

"put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,

but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,

and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

I'd like to know what the Proctologist had to say!

Kurt

 

[Talent312]

I'd like to know what the Proctologist had to say!

They refused to participate, saying: "Stick it where the sun don't shine."
.

 

[Ken555]

 

[Luanne]

View attachment 23169

 

[Cornell]

 

[Jan M.]

 

[Jan M.]

View attachment 23215

On June 14th our DIL and two granddaughters flew down to Orlando and met us there for a two week stay. I hadn't been beyond our yard or been around anyone but DH in 3 months so it was wonderful to be out and see them but I had moments of what was I thinking to do this. DH, DIL and DS who didn't come weren't concerned nor were a lot of the people we saw and none that we talked to but I was even more than I let on. In just a few more days it will be 14 days after their stay and I will give an even bigger sigh of relief than I did at the 5 and 10 day marks.

In the summertime heat and humidity of Central Florida wearing a mask outside is miserable. Since I hadn't been anywhere I was a rookie mask wearer. I had my mask on and up before I got out of the car to walk through a big parking lot into the store. With the temperature hitting almost a hundred degrees and a hot asphalt parking lot with no shade I was sweating under that mask and panting by the time I got to the door of the store. I was ready to say just shoot me now. DH wondered why I had the mask up before we got to the doors but didn't think to suggest that I could wait to pull it up. Grrrr.

After that I truly felt sorry for the employees at the resorts who work outside and have to wear masks.

 

[Ken555]

 

[Karen G]

My favorite channel on Sirius XM is Yacht Rock! Thanks for this video. Love it!

The guy who made this is great and he has a bunch of other videos along this same line.

 

[Tank]