Stay At Home Humor

[dago]

These are actual complaints received by a holiday company from dissatisfied customers:

• 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
• 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
• 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
• 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
• 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
• 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
• 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
• 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
• 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
• 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
• 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
• 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
• 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
• 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
• 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
• 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
• 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
• 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
• 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

#19 reminds me of the Geico claim we discussed
Geico ordered to pay $5.2M to woman who got HPV in a car

 

[Passepartout]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[Passepartout]

Actually, it was my brother. I was the GOOD kid.

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[BJRSanDiego]

View attachment 61580

What a great idea for timeshares where you aren't supposed to bring alcoholic beverages to the pool.

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[Talent312]

View attachment 61607

Playlist from when? Thirty years ago?
.

 

[plpgma]

View attachment 61604

Dave

Easy answer -- BACON!

 

[DaveNV]

There may be some truth to this. According to our database...

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A man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza...
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

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Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Uh oh....

Dave