Not being able to see your loved ones because of the Coronavirus

[Panina]

Today, it finally hit me, not panic but the sadness that I cannot go visit my mom. She does not want me to come, she wants to keep me safe.

She will be 86, is mobile and has good memory. She lives in NYC and I usually go every 4-6 weeks to see her for about 10-14 days. She has help twice a week and gets meals delivered plus I often mail things to her. My sister lives about 45 minutes from her but sees her much less then me.

She has been through so much due to war in her life so this virus doesn’t scare her. She insists on going out to the store to get food, there is no stopping her. She said she would go everyday but is being cautious because she doesn’t want to die and no one would be at her funeral, heart wrenching.

I live in SC and have offered in the past for her to move in with me or to get her a separate home near me. She loves NY and says she will never leave.

With her age I am worried, not only about her but the rest of my family in California, NY, NJ, PA, and France too. The reality is many of us will lose someone we love from this virus. I realize no one is immune and no matter where we live there is risk. It brings back the hopelessness I felt when my dad got sepsis after the flu.

I try to live by this prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom
to know the difference.

From me to all my tugger friends that cannot see their loved ones, I hope you and your families unite sooner rather then later. ❤

 

[Brett]

Today, it finally hit me, not panic but the sadness that I cannot go visit my mom. She does not want me to come, she wants to keep me safe.

She will be 86, is mobile and has good memory. She lives in NYC and I usually go every 4-6 weeks to see her for about 10-14 days. She has help twice a week and gets meals delivered plus I often mail things to her. My sister lives about 45 minutes from her but sees her much less then me.

She has been through so much due to war in her life so this virus doesn’t scare her. She insists on going out to the store to get food, there is no stopping her. She said she would go everyday but is being cautious because she doesn’t want to die and no one would be at her funeral, heart wrenching.

I live in SC and have offered in the past for her to move in with me or to get her a separate home near me. She loves NY and says she will never leave.

With her age I am worried, not only about her but the rest of my family in California, NY, NJ, PA, and France too. The reality is many of us will lose someone we love from this virus. I realize no one is immune and no matter where we live there is risk. It brings back the hopelessness I felt when my dad got sepsis after the flu.
I try to live by this prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom
to know the difference.

From me to all my tugger friends that cannot see their loved ones, I hope you and your families unite sooner rather then later. ❤

I can empathize. Visiting my mother is not an option for me, she is in a northern Virginia nursing home that's on total lock down until 4/1.

 

[1Kflyerguy]

I can empathize. Visiting my mother is not an option for me, she is in a northern Virginia nursing home that's on total lock down until 4/1.

The same for me. My mother is bedridden in a nursing home near me. I usually visit 2 or 3 times per week. I am trying to call or text her frequently, but she is often hard to reach.. though she does keep asking if i am allowed to come visit yet.

This is going to be a very long quarantine for her..

She does watch a lot of news, but due to some cognition issues does not always understand what she sees... I have not had the stomach to tell her yet this may be measured in months not days...

 

[VacationForever]

Great post, Panina. A year ago, I was visiting my son and staying at his home. Two days ago a movie ticket fell out of my tablet and there it was, a movie ticket with a 3/14/19 date. I took a picture of it and texted to him, which was exactly a year later. The last time I visited my son was in Nov. We were planning to get together again in March or April. It is not happening and we don't know when it will be. We spoke about my driving up but the coronavirus infection rate is much higher in California than where we are. We are both afraid that I will catch something on my way to see him or while I am up there. I fall under the high risk group. I hope he stays healthy and we are trying our best in social distancing.

 

[JanT]

I can completely understand your angst. My mom was in assisted living and then in a personal care home here in Texas until she passed away in December of last year. She had Lewy Body Dementia and was very ill the last 8 months of her life but she knew who I was until the day she passed. I visited her every day the last 8 months of her life. Honestly, I'm so glad she left this earth because she would never have been able to understand why I didn't come to see her. I missed 1 day out of those 8 months and when I came in the next day she said, "Where have you been?" It broke my heart and I never missed another day.

May God bring peace to your mom and protect her. May be bring the same to you.

 

[jackio]

My mother in law’s independent living community will only allow visitors in an imminent end-of-life situation.

 

[mdurette]

Last night I rushed the family to the hospital to see my father in law. He has been in for weeks and he most likely not coming home or even to a nursing home, maybe an acute care facility if they can get him in. Yesterday they informed patients they could only have 1 visitor a day and nobody under 18 starting today. (that 1 visitor will be my mother in law). I wiped out an old ipad, set it up with contacts of people he could facetime with and also added Showtime and HBO paid accounts. (he is bored with regular TV and no sports).

It won't surprise me that soon the hospital will mandate no visitors. I can't imagine being so sick and not being able to see loved ones. How do you keep the will to live going? Will people die alone because of this? I hope if that comes around, the hospital has some sort of protocol for good-byes (assuming their is a fair warning).

 

[Luanne]

My dh went to the ER today as he thought he'd had a stroke. I drove him and younger dd (who is working from home) came with me. They would not let us go back with him, we had to wait in the waiting room. He finally called and said they wanted to keep him overnight. I told him if he wanted me to bring him something to let me know. He said no visitors are allowed in. I guess if he needed something I could take it to the hospital and it would be delivered to him.

 

[DancingWaters]

Panini, so sorry to hear this for you. My mom is 91 and still lives on her own. I’m scared to go see her since I babysit my little grandkids and their mommy is a NP.. Her office cancelled a lot of their appointments today because they don’t want it spreading. She is around germs all day.

 

[Jan M.]

Our 3 year old granddaughter has been here with us for two weeks. On this coming Saturday our DIL and 8 year old granddaughter were supposed to fly down from Ohio to Florida to stay with us on their Spring Break and take her home with them. I had changed their flights to include an additional week when Ohio cancelled schools. This morning I called our son to ask him if he has any confidence that domestic flights won't be cancelled. Things have changed so much yesterday and today that I don't know what to expect next. Our DIL teaches at a gifted school and had an inservice day today. They were setting up online lessons for the students while the school is closed for the next few weeks. While we were talking our son texted her to ask what she thought. Today is a day off for him so he packed her an overnight bag and she was able to leave early to catch the 4pm flight I booked for her a few hours earlier. When she got here she said the flight wasn't even half full. They fly back tomorrow and I spent a little bit more to get them a nonstop flight to limit their exposure. She was just saying how disappointed she and our other granddaughter are to have their stay with us cancelled. She wouldn't have worried about staying with us; the issue was being able to get flights home at the end of the month. We were all looking forward to their stay and I had the first week of their stay booked at Disney World Old Key West resort and the second week at Animal Kingdom Lodge Kidani Village in a savanna view unit. We figured Disney World would close the resorts but everyone still would have been happy to just stay with us because we have a nice pool in our plan and toys for the girls at our house too.

Reading other's posts brought home to me that all of us at any age could be vulnerable and no one knows what to expect. What we, our son and DIL are avoiding thinking about and saying is that this could be the last time they see one of us or that we see one of them.

 

[DancingWaters]

Luanne, Praying for him and you. How scary to not be with him right now!

 

[Panina]

My dh went to the ER today as he thought he'd had a stroke. I drove him and younger dd (who is working from home) came with me. They would not let us go back with him, we had to wait in the waiting room. He finally called and said they wanted to keep him overnight. I told him if he wanted me to bring him something to let me know. He said no visitors are allowed in. I guess if he needed something I could take it to the hospital and it would be delivered to him.

Luann, I hope he is ok. It must be horrible not being able to be with him but I believe most hospitals are now not allowing visitors. Please update how he is doing.

 

[jonmaiman]

Luanne, I can't imagine what your going through. Best wishes for a speedy recovery for your DH. My father and stepmother are snowbirds. Normally they would have been flying back from Boca Raton, FL to Long Island, NY in early April. Both of them are in their 80's. Even though they are in excellent health for their age, they are definitely in the high risk bracket for the coronavirus. They have made the wise decision to stay in Florida for now. Our entire family has been supportive of their decision even though they will miss a wedding shower for my stepmothers granddaughter. In fact we would have been angry if they had decided to travel. They moved their trip back to 4/30 and will evaluate if they should push it back further based on the current pandemic status. With how things are currently shaping up, it seems likely they will be pushing back their return to Long Island even further.

We live in Pittsburgh and would normally travel Long Island to be with my Father and stepmother, my sister and her family, and other more distant relatives to celebrate Passover together. We had already decided not to go towards the end of last week. While we will miss everybody we feel it is important for all of us to do the most we can to help minimize the impact of this pandemic both from a health perspective and from a financial perspective.

We have found ourselves talking more often with our families on the phone. While not as nice as in person visits, it is still comforting. Hoping everybody stays healthy and comes out okay from the pandemic.

--Jon

 

[Cornell]

These posts are touching me ....So many difficulties for so many people.

My 85 YO mother has mild dementia and lives in an assisted living facility 10 mins from me. I see her often. She knows that we have a pandemic but doesn't understand why I can't visit her b/c I'm not sick. Obviously visitors are not allowed where she lives. But she thinks she can still leave b/c she's not sick. Today she said to me "Could you pick me up, and go to a drive through and get a meal? We can just sit in your car and talk". OMG seriously broke my heart.

 

[caribbeanqueen]

Im so sorry Panina and others who are facing this. It is awful what this virus is doing.
I was in Florida visiting my mom who has Alzheimers and is bedridden in a nursing home. Luckily she knows us still. When we went to visit her Wednesday they told us this would be the last night for visitors, that no visitors would be allowed at all. No warning.
I am sick over the thought of her having no family interaction and I am now on my way home bc we have to shut down our two businesses. I am wondering how much this will affect her and cause her to deteriorate. I dont know when I will be able to see her. She does not have a phone because she never answered it.

Luanne hope your husband will be ok. Im so sorry you are going through this.

 

[VacationForever]

@Luanne I hope your husband is OK and can come home soon.

My dermatologist office called me on Sunday telling me that today's appointment has to be postponed because my doctor would not be coming into the office. She indicated that she would schedule me 2 months out. Without thinking I said that I had to get in to see him within 2 weeks as I am on a 6 to 8 weeks interval for steroid injections. She said a Medical Assistant would have to call me for anything sooner. After putting down the phone I realized he was probably cancelling non-urgent appointments. No one called me today but I won't sweat it until the coronavirus is under control.

 

[jackio]

Luanne, prayers for your husband’s recovery.

 

[clifffaith]

My dh went to the ER today as he thought he'd had a stroke. I drove him and younger dd (who is working from home) came with me. They would not let us go back with him, we had to wait in the waiting room. He finally called and said they wanted to keep him overnight. I told him if he wanted me to bring him something to let me know. He said no visitors are allowed in. I guess if he needed something I could take it to the hospital and it would be delivered to him.

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear this. Best wishes to him for a speedy recovery.

 

[CPNY]

Today, it finally hit me, not panic but the sadness that I cannot go visit my mom. She does not want me to come, she wants to keep me safe.

She will be 86, is mobile and has good memory. She lives in NYC and I usually go every 4-6 weeks to see her for about 10-14 days. She has help twice a week and gets meals delivered plus I often mail things to her. My sister lives about 45 minutes from her but sees her much less then me.

She has been through so much due to war in her life so this virus doesn’t scare her. She insists on going out to the store to get food, there is no stopping her. She said she would go everyday but is being cautious because she doesn’t want to die and no one would be at her funeral, heart wrenching.

I live in SC and have offered in the past for her to move in with me or to get her a separate home near me. She loves NY and says she will never leave.

With her age I am worried, not only about her but the rest of my family in California, NY, NJ, PA, and France too. The reality is many of us will lose someone we love from this virus. I realize no one is immune and no matter where we live there is risk. It brings back the hopelessness I felt when my dad got sepsis after the flu.

I try to live by this prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom
to know the difference.

From me to all my tugger friends that cannot see their loved ones, I hope you and your families unite sooner rather then later. ❤

Where in nyc does she live?

 

[Panina]

Where in nyc does she live?

Brooklyn near Brighton Beach. What area are you from?

 

[easyrider]

What a sad thread to read. Makes my problems seem minuscule. Hope things get better for you all.

Bill

 

[goaliedave]

Last night I rushed the family to the hospital to see my father in law. He has been in for weeks and he most likely not coming home or even to a nursing home, maybe an acute care facility if they can get him in. Yesterday they informed patients they could only have 1 visitor a day and nobody under 18 starting today. (that 1 visitor will be my mother in law). I wiped out an old ipad, set it up with contacts of people he could facetime with and also added Showtime and HBO paid accounts. (he is bored with regular TV and no sports).

It won't surprise me that soon the hospital will mandate no visitors. I can't imagine being so sick and not being able to see loved ones. How do you keep the will to live going? Will people die alone because of this? I hope if that comes around, the hospital has some sort of protocol for good-byes (assuming their is a fair warning).

Good questions. Hopefully they will give you and others understanding and empathy for the millions that have been in this situation before covid19. There are thousands closeby you can help once this is over.

Sent from my SM-A505G using Tapatalk

 

[goaliedave]

Today, it finally hit me, not panic but the sadness that I cannot go visit my mom. She does not want me to come, she wants to keep me safe.

She will be 86, is mobile and has good memory. She lives in NYC and I usually go every 4-6 weeks to see her for about 10-14 days. She has help twice a week and gets meals delivered plus I often mail things to her. My sister lives about 45 minutes from her but sees her much less then me.

She has been through so much due to war in her life so this virus doesn’t scare her. She insists on going out to the store to get food, there is no stopping her. She said she would go everyday but is being cautious because she doesn’t want to die and no one would be at her funeral, heart wrenching.

I live in SC and have offered in the past for her to move in with me or to get her a separate home near me. She loves NY and says she will never leave.

With her age I am worried, not only about her but the rest of my family in California, NY, NJ, PA, and France too. The reality is many of us will lose someone we love from this virus. I realize no one is immune and no matter where we live there is risk. It brings back the hopelessness I felt when my dad got sepsis after the flu.

I try to live by this prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom
to know the difference.

From me to all my tugger friends that cannot see their loved ones, I hope you and your families unite sooner rather then later.

Loving your posts. Hopefully the good from this is people gaining an understanding of how thousands of their neighbours live every day, helpless through no fault of their own. Empathy for eachothers' situations.

Sent from my SM-A505G using Tapatalk

 

[WinniWoman]

This is very sad. Hugs and prayers to you Panina, Luanne and everyone else that cannot see their loved ones. None of us could have ever imagined this scenario that is taking place right now.

 

[Patri]

My husband's assisted living stopped letting in visitors last Thursday. I had seen him Wednesday. He does not have a phone in his room (would not be able to operate it). I Face-timed him yesterday. Even with his limited abilities, he said he is bored. He told me he loved me. The gal helping him said a relative of someone else told the front desk to have a lady go to her window, as they had a sign. My husband's window is a story up, so I can't even do that. I got teary when we received another email from headquarters sympathizing with us on the situation. We all get it, but it is sad that those who would most benefit from social contact are denied it.