Newlyweds flip a coin for their last name

[Quiet Pine]

Quote... "When you're considering ways to change your name while honoring your maiden name, one of the best options to consider is adopting your new spouse's name and making your maiden name your new middle name. "
This is what I did (in 1966, when it was de rigueur). I use it on Facebook too, so my high-school friends can identify me.

 

[Luanne]

Quote... "When you're considering ways to change your name while honoring your maiden name, one of the best options to consider is adopting your new spouse's name and making your maiden name your new middle name. "
This is what I did (in 1966, when it was de rigueur). I use it on Facebook too, so my high-school friends can identify me.

My maiden name was too cumbersome to use as a middle name. I do use it on FB, for the same reason you do.

 

[turkel]

Clearly this is a very individual choice. Calling others ignorant based on your choice seems odd.

Having to correct others over and over again would be frustrating and not worth the effort in my book. We should all be happy with our individual choices but remember all choices big and small come with consequences.

When I changed my name 2 years ago I knew my 2 children would no longer share my last name. They were 18 and 22 at the time. No issues with school and I figured my daughter may change her name someday. When I got divorced from their Dad I kept his name even though I preferred my maiden name because they were school age and I thought it was better for all of us. So I have had 3 last names. Choices.

 

[rapmarks]

My daughter in law shared a terrific cartoon. A man says to a woman, is it miss or mrs?
Her response, it’s Doctor

 

[WVBaker]

Okay, give me a chance to duck and cover before responding, if you so choose.

Being a traditionalist, there may be some scientific factors at work regarding this.

What does it mean for the husband when his wife keeps her own surname?
"Study shows a woman's marital surname choice influences how people perceive the distribution of power in a marriage"

"This study joins several others in alluding to a link between traditions in heterosexual romantic relationships and power structures favoring men," says Robnett. "The marital surname tradition is more than just a tradition. It reflects subtle gender-role norms and ideologies that often remain unquestioned despite privileging men."

What does it mean for the husband when his wife keeps her own surname?

When a woman chooses not to take her husband's surname after marriage, people perceive her husband as being higher in traits related to femininity and lower in traits related to masculinity. He is also perceived as having less power in the relationship.

www.sciencedaily.com

For the record, I never insisted that my Wife take my last name and she never questioned doing so. It was simply apropos and presumed that's what married couples do.

 

[Eudemis]

"Cohabitation is an increasingly prevalent lifestyle in the United States. The share of 30- to 44-year-olds living as unmarried couples has more than doubled since the mid-1990s. Adults with lower levels of education—without college degrees—are twice as likely to cohabit as those with college degrees. "

Living Together: The Economics of Cohabitation

Cohabitation is an increasingly prevalent lifestyle in the United States. The share of 30- to 44-year-olds living as unmarried couples has more than doubled since the mid-1990s. Adults with lower levels of education—without college degrees—are twice as likely to cohabit as those with college...

www.pewsocialtrends.org

 

[Rolltydr]

Okay, give me a chance to duck and cover before responding, if you so choose.

Being a traditionalist, there may be some scientific factors at work regarding this.

What does it mean for the husband when his wife keeps her own surname?
"Study shows a woman's marital surname choice influences how people perceive the distribution of power in a marriage"

"This study joins several others in alluding to a link between traditions in heterosexual romantic relationships and power structures favoring men," says Robnett. "The marital surname tradition is more than just a tradition. It reflects subtle gender-role norms and ideologies that often remain unquestioned despite privileging men."

What does it mean for the husband when his wife keeps her own surname?

When a woman chooses not to take her husband's surname after marriage, people perceive her husband as being higher in traits related to femininity and lower in traits related to masculinity. He is also perceived as having less power in the relationship.

www.sciencedaily.com

For the record, I never insisted that my Wife take my last name and she never questioned doing so. It was simply apropos and presumed that's what married couples do.

No need to duck.

I’m a male and heterosexual but I don’t care much for some traditions. To me, traditions that “remain unquestioned despite privileging men” no longer deserve to be traditions. I would also strongly dispute that they remain unquestioned. Like you, my wife took my last name and there was never any discussion about it. That was mostly dictated by the church and the church’s influence on state and local government. That was in Alabama in 1972.

Things have changed a lot since then, even in Alabama. My wife has a strong family connection and frequently states that she is a ‘insert maiden name’. If we were getting married today, there is no doubt in my mind she would keep her maiden name and I wouldn’t care one iota.

 

[rapmarks]

If you look at the directory for our subdivision, about thirty percent have two different names mentioned. I don’t know if cohabitation or kept original name, but most are seniors

 

[CalGalTraveler]

FWIW...I kept my last name for professional purposes. After 5 years of marriage and our first child I changed it to our married name because I thought it would be easier for the school if I had the same name as our child. PITA to change when you start owning assets. Also found out that my last name didn't matter to the school.

If I had to do all over again, I would have just kept my name. No point in changing the name. For my college alumni network I kept my maiden name as my middle name so ppl could find me.

 

[Rolltydr]

"Cohabitation is an increasingly prevalent lifestyle in the United States. The share of 30- to 44-year-olds living as unmarried couples has more than doubled since the mid-1990s. Adults with lower levels of education—without college degrees—are twice as likely to cohabit as those with college degrees. "

Living Together: The Economics of Cohabitation

Cohabitation is an increasingly prevalent lifestyle in the United States. The share of 30- to 44-year-olds living as unmarried couples has more than doubled since the mid-1990s. Adults with lower levels of education—without college degrees—are twice as likely to cohabit as those with college...

www.pewsocialtrends.org

Since approximately 2/3 of the US population does not have a college degree and 1/3 does, doesn't it make sense that there would be twice as many that cohabitate? I’m not in social sciences either so I’m not sure how strong the connection is between college degree and socioeconomic class. I try not to make assumptions about people based on that.

 

[Eudemis]

Well to your first point I can assure you they would account for that difference in the population (8% vs 4% with a college degree) and level of education is an excellent predictor of future socioeconomic status. See chart here. https://nces.ed.gov/blogs/nces/post...-differences-by-students-socioeconomic-status

 

[WVBaker]

Since approximately 2/3 of the US population does not have a college degree and 1/3 does, doesn't it make sense that there would be twice as many that cohabitate? I’m not in social sciences either so I’m not sure how strong the connection is between college degree and socioeconomic class. I try not to make assumptions about people based on that.

I would agree. There are simply many factors that go into whether a couple chooses to live together or not. Educational advancement may be on the list but, not very high.

 

[Rolltydr]

Well to your first point I can assure you they would account for that difference in the population (8% vs 4% with a college degree) and level of education is an excellent predictor of future socioeconomic status. See chart here. https://nces.ed.gov/blogs/nces/post...-differences-by-students-socioeconomic-status

So, what is your point in providing this data in a discussion about a woman changing her name when she marries? What are you trying to tell us?

 

[Eudemis]

I made the point that some couples want to clarify they are married and not living together as there may be a stigma to unmarried cohabitation in some circles they wish to avoid. Sharing a surname achieves this. I was challenged that any such a stigma exists or that it prompts couples to use the same surname.

 

[Rolltydr]

I made the point that some couples want to clarify they are married and not living together as there may be a stigma to unmarried cohabitation in some circles they wish to avoid. Sharing a surname achieves this. I was challenged that any such a stigma exists or that it prompts couples to use the same surname.

So, since the cohabitation rate continues to increase, as well as, the number of married women who choose to keep their maiden name, that stigma should decrease, right?

 

[Eudemis]

I would stay to this point it has. Once a woman establishes her reputation within a profession, she should never change her last name. By doing so she would abandon a valuable economic asset. Think Jane Goodall become Jane Smithers or Marcia Clark becoming Marcia Griffin. I think often people follow whatever is trending at the time. I remember when hyphenating was extremely popular: SGD Margaretta Hoffstetler-Vandenberg

 

[Rolltydr]

I would stay to this point it has. Once a woman establishes her reputation within a profession, she should never change her last name. By doing so she would abandon a valuable economic asset. Think Jane Goodall become Jane Smithers or Marcia Clark becoming Marcia Griffin. I think often people follow whatever is trending at the time. I remember when hyphenating was extremely popular: SGD Margaretta Hoffstetler-Vandenberg

Do you know if this stigma is unique to the US? Someone above mentioned Chinese and Korean names so it made me wonder.


Harry - Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[VacationForever]

Do you know if this stigma is unique to the US? Someone above mentioned Chinese and Korean names so it made me wonder.


Harry - Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Chinese and Korean do not change their surnames after they get married. If they are born in the US or a few generations down, some may change their surname after marriage to keep up with the US-"norm".

 

[Rolltydr]

Chinese and Korean do not change their surnames after they get married. If they are born in the US or a few generations down, some may change their surname after marriage to keep up with the US-"norm".

I understand that. What I am wondering is, do any Western European countries have this stigma attached to cohabitation or a woman keeping her surname? Does Canada? Any Central or South American countries? Or, is this a uniquely American idea for some reason?

 

[WVBaker]

I understand that. What I am wondering is, do any Western European countries have this stigma attached to cohabitation or a woman keeping her surname? Does Canada? Any Central or South American countries? Or, is this a uniquely American idea for some reason?

Among European countries, Poland, Spain, and Italy have relatively low cohabitation rates while France and Sweden have some of the highest rates. Cohabitation is obviously common in the Americas, but Colombia is still an outlier at 31 percent, 13 percentage points higher than even Sweden, the leader in cohabitation in Europe at 18 percent. However, it is important to note that consensual unions have a long history in Latin America, where they often function much like legal marriages and are typically more stable than cohabiting unions in North America.

Global Family Structure | The Sustainable Demographic Dividend

sustaindemographicdividend.org

 

[Rolltydr]

Among European countries, Poland, Spain, and Italy have relatively low cohabitation rates while France and Sweden have some of the highest rates. Cohabitation is obviously common in the Americas, but Colombia is still an outlier at 31 percent, 13 percentage points higher than even Sweden, the leader in cohabitation in Europe at 18 percent. However, it is important to note that consensual unions have a long history in Latin America, where they often function much like legal marriages and are typically more stable than cohabiting unions in North America.

Global Family Structure | The Sustainable Demographic Dividend

sustaindemographicdividend.org

Interesting comparison with Latin America. They have a much higher percentage of the population that identifies as Christian (quick google search 80% to 65% in US) but their culture is much more accepting of civil unions.


Harry - Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk