Newlyweds flip a coin for their last name

[jackio]

We are married almost 40 years and it never occurred to me NOT to take my husband's name. However, our last names were so similar that it didn't make much of a difference. I went from an O'M to an O'D, so moved up a little in the alphabet. I did always hope to marry a man without an apostrophe, however, because it is such a pain for doctors, pharmacies, stores, etc. to find you in their computers, and DMV in NY does not take them.

 

[bluehende]

Young people now are marrying later. Many women now have a professional reputation under their maiden name and therefor want to keep it.

 

[VacationForever]

Young people now are marrying later. Many women now have a professional reputation under their maiden name and therefor want to keep it.

Amen.

 

[mentalbreak]

The Name Change Process Varies by State

The process to change a name is legislated on a state basis. In California, you need to pay a court fee of more than $300, run a newspaper ad for several weeks, and go to court for a judge's approval. By comparison, for a California woman to change her last name to that of her husband, she can pay a smaller fee - between $50 and $80 depending on the county -and do the change right on the marriage license.

Many other states require steps and fees similar to those in California for men to change their names. In fact, only six states currently allow either partner to do a change a name under equal conditions when they marry. If you are a man looking to take your wife's name, count yourself lucky if you live in one of these enlightened states: Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York or North Dakota.

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Interesting. I’m very surprised this hasn’t been successfully challenged, especially by a 2-husband marriage.

On a related note, a friend of mine and her husband both changed their last names to a name of their choice upon their marriage. Each had grown up with unique last names that were an easy target for teasing. They shared this with all of us friends ahead of the wedding, but none of their parents or extended family. They had the minister announce the new name at the end of the wedding.

 

[DaveNV]

Interesting. I’m very surprised this hasn’t been successfully challenged, especially by a 2-husband marriage.

On a related note, a friend of mine and her husband both changed their last names to a name of their choice upon their marriage. Each had grown up with unique last names that were an easy target for teasing. They shared this with all of us friends ahead of the wedding, but none of their parents or extended family. They had the minister announce the new name at the end of the wedding.

I know a woman who came out as lesbian in her 50s. Her long-term marriage to a man had ended, and she married her long-time girlfriend, someone she had known nearly as long as her husband. She said she felt like she was a totally new woman, starting over in a new life. She changed not only her last name, but her first name, too. Her nickname became her legal first name, and she chose as her last name the name of a character in her favorite movie. She and her wife have different last names, but are a lovely couple who are very happy. Names don’t matter - happiness does. Love is love.

Dave

 

[am1]

Young people now are marrying later. Many women now have a professional reputation under their maiden name and therefor want to keep it.

It is sad that they feel they cannot change their names because they will lose their professional reputation. They should not be denied a chance to have the same last name as their kids.

 

[Rolltydr]

It is sad that they feel they cannot change their names because they will lose their professional reputation. They should not be denied a chance to have the same last name as their kids.

Serious question. Do the kids have to take the father’s name? Can’t they take the mother’s last name or hyphenate the two last names as many people do now?


Harry - Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[WVBaker]

Serious question. Do the kids have to take the father’s name? Can’t they take the mother’s last name or hyphenate the two last names as many people do now?


Harry - Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Not legal advice of course however, last I read, you can pretty much give your baby any random surname you want, in the U.S..

Each state or jurisdiction determines it's guidelines. There are a few states that allow the Father, in paternity cases at least, to petition to have his last name on the birth certificate regardless.
Tennessee for instance, is one of them.

Once the parents are in agreement and barring any court petitions, you can name the child pretty much what you want that isn't prohibited by local law.

There are some states, like California I've heard, and for whatever reason, prohibit curse words, racial slurs and obscene or offensive word. Should you wish to do that, check with the local jurisdiction first.

 

[isisdave]

Faith, I don't think Carlsbad gives a senior discount for dog licenses. Here in Murrieta we get 50% off ... so my son put MY name on his dog's license, and guess who got contacted when the dog got loose?

The Conley-Wards might have also considered "Card" or "Wonley" or the name of their favorite author, or actor, or celebrity. I worked once at Beckman Instruments with a fellow named Davis. Apparently he ran into enough cases where two Davises had restaurant reservations that he started reserving under "Arnold Beckman," being pretty sure that he and Arnold didn't frequent the same kind of restaurants.

DW changed her name legally when we married but kept her own in her therapy practice. When we adopted our son, it became confusing to be one person at work and another at his school, so she continued on with mine. (I think that meant she had decided to keep me. Thirty years now, I hope so....)

Our son and his spouse went for the hyphenated versions, W-D and D-W, but those are five-syllable mouthfuls and I think they use their own names most of the time.

In California, or at least in Riverside County, you can change your name to anything you want (not just last names) on the last two lines of the marriage license. Same for divorce; just check the box and put in the name you want. No extra fee for either, I'm pretty sure.

 

[VacationForever]

It is sad that they feel they cannot change their names because they will lose their professional reputation. They should not be denied a chance to have the same last name as their kids.

What is sad about it? Women have their own identity as is granted to any human being. It is their choice on how they want to be named.

 

[presley]

When I got married 28 years ago, my husband didn't care what my last name was going to be. Hyphenated last names were very popular at the time and I couldn't stand those. I kept my maiden name until my daughter was born and only changed my last name because I wanted the same last name as my kids. Turns out (if you believe in numerology) that changing my last name was one of the best decisions I've made. Numerology or not, my life change dramatically for the better. I kept my maiden name as my middle name.

 

[WinniWoman]

I took my husbands name when we married. That’s just the way it was then. I liked my maiden name better- Tomei. Then my brother married a Marianne and she took his name. So now she has both my first name and maiden name!

 

[WinniWoman]

I think it is easier for everyone if you keep one name if you have children with each other. It gets a little crazy with all these hyphenated named and so on. Exceptions, of course.

 

[WVBaker]

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

Juliet

 

[mdurette]

I always told DH I wasn't taking his last name. At first....the reasonings were, nobody can pronounce it, nobody can spell it, I'm a commissioned sales person with an established name that people can fine when they need. He always seemed ok, until the night before our wedding and he brought it up. Ugh. I blurted out......the reason why I am keeping my last name is I am me and this is my name. I am not Mrs. so and so. And there it was, the true reason. I didn't want to give up my identity.

When DD was born she got my last name as her middle and his as her last.

The only issue is when someone (normally in her school) tries to call me Mrs. so and so. It never, ever registers that it is me they talking to and I always come across as rude.

 

[VacationForever]

I always told DH I wasn't taking his last name. At first....the reasonings were, nobody can pronounce it, nobody can spell it, I'm a commissioned sales person with an established name that people can fine when they need. He always seemed ok, until the night before our wedding and he brought it up. Ugh. I blurted out......the reason why I am keeping my last name is I am me and this is my name. I am not Mrs. so and so. And there it was, the true reason. I didn't want to give up my identity.

When DD was born she got my last name as her middle and his as her last.

The only issue is when someone (normally in her school) tries to call me Mrs. so and so. It never, ever registers that it is me they talking to and I always come across as rude.

Good for you!

When people address me as Mrs. "My surname", we usually correct them to say I am not married to a Mr. "My surname" because that would make my husband Mr. "My surname", and to address me as Ms. "My surname" instead. When I get addressed as Mrs. "My husband's last name", we would correct them that I am not Mrs. (My husband's last name). We spoke to the admin office at the club where we belong for them to let their staff know how to correctly address us and it is now much better.

Since my name comes first in the timeshare systems, my husband is often addressed as Mr. "My surname" and we go through the same routine again.

 

[am1]

What is sad about it? Women have their own identity as is granted to any human being. It is their choice on how they want to be named.

It is sad they do not feel they are able to. Of course they should make their choice. Your routine sounds fun to go through over and over again.

 

[VacationForever]

It is sad they do not feel they are able to. Of course they should make their choice. Your routine sounds fun to go through over and over again.

It simply shows the ignorance of the general population that women can and do keep their surnames. We treat it as educating the ignorants.

 

[slip]

It simply shows the ignorance of the general population that women can and do keep their surnames. We treat it as educating the ignorants.

Many times it not ignorance, I have done this by mistake myself and I certainly know a woman can and do keep their surnames. It is not traditional and it’s going to happen sometimes. Especially in casual conversations.

 

[VacationForever]

Many times it not ignorance, I have done this by mistake myself and I certainly know a woman can and do keep their surnames. It is not traditional and it’s going to happen sometimes. Especially in casual conversations.

I know majority of women in the US do take on their husbands' last name after they get married. In many non-Western cultures, women do not change their names and in Chinese and Korean names, they have 2 names as their given name which makes the "first name" as 2 words. The first word in their name is actually their surnames. Their given name comprises the 2nd and 3rd words. Many application systems do not account for that. If you follow golf, as an example Inbee Park's name is actually Park In Bee. Ingee Chun is Chun In Gee.

 

[Eudemis]

So many couples won't marry at all if they don't anticipate having children. It may clarify that they are, in fact, married and not simply in a relationship when they share a surname. Unmarried cohabitation is associated, rightly or wrongly, with a lower socioeconomic status.

 

[Rolltydr]

Unmarried cohabitation is associated, rightly or wrongly, with a lower socioeconomic status.

Really? By whom? I’ve never known it to be associated with socioeconomic status, only with some people’s religious belief that it is wrong.

 

[WVBaker]

Unmarried cohabitation is associated, rightly or wrongly, with a lower socioeconomic status.

You may wish to duck and cover with that comment.

 

[am1]

You may wish to duck and cover with that comment.

I would say it not wrong may not be right. People may not like it to hear it and would not apply to all or a lot but for sure some.

 

[WVBaker]

I would say it not wrong may not be right. People may not like it to hear it and would not apply to all or a lot but for sure some.

That's a very noncommittal or non-committal, depending on your choice of spelling, response. I for one, can appreciate that.