• The TUGBBS forums are completely free and open to the public and exist as the absolute best place for owners to get help and advice about their timeshares for more than 30 years!

    Join Tens of Thousands of other Owners just like you here to get any and all Timeshare questions answered 24 hours a day!
  • TUG started 31 years ago in October 1993 as a group of regular Timeshare owners just like you!

    Read about our 31st anniversary: Happy 31st Birthday TUG!
  • TUG has a YouTube Channel to produce weekly short informative videos on popular Timeshare topics!

    Free memberships for every 50 subscribers!

    Visit TUG on Youtube!
  • TUG has now saved timeshare owners more than $23,000,000 dollars just by finding us in time to rescind a new Timeshare purchase! A truly incredible milestone!

    Read more here: TUG saves owners more than $23 Million dollars
  • Wish you could meet up with other TUG members? Well look no further as this annual event has been going on for years in Orlando! How to Attend the TUG January Get-Together!
  • Sign up to get the TUG Newsletter for free!

    Tens of thousands of subscribing owners! A weekly recap of the best Timeshare resort reviews and the most popular topics discussed by owners!
  • Our official "end my sales presentation early" T-shirts are available again! Also come with the option for a free membership extension with purchase to offset the cost!

    All T-shirt options here!
  • A few of the most common links here on the forums for newbies and guests!

New theory about grief and mourning

Patri

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
7,108
Reaction score
4,897
My parents and in-laws were spaced farther apart, but husband was four months ago. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes you wish, just one more day…
 

TheHolleys87

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
May 7, 2015
Messages
2,420
Reaction score
1,855
Location
Texas
Resorts Owned
DVC Boardwalk Villas, Kona Coast II

easyrider

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Messages
16,822
Reaction score
9,471
Location
Palm Springs of Washinton
Resorts Owned
Worldmark * * Villa Del Palmar UVCI * * Vacation Internationale*

jp10558

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2022
Messages
1,835
Reaction score
1,285
Location
Southern Tier NY
Resorts Owned
HGVC Seaworld
Wyndham Smoky Mountains
Foxrun Lake Lure
Gatlinburg Town Square
Getting older sucks for sure - but man do lots of people start dying. (well, for the people I knew at all / were alive for me to meet) I made it to 26 before my grandmother died, then 40 before my father died. Well that seemed to have started a cascade - a close friends mother died the next year, then over the last year all 3 of my uncles died, the last one in December.

Anyway - most don't bother me too much beyond having to do funerals which I hate.
 

ScoopKona

Guest
Joined
May 7, 2008
Messages
6,456
Reaction score
4,026
Location
Monkey King Coffee - Captain Cook, Hawaii
Anyway - most don't bother me too much beyond having to do funerals which I hate.

I don't go to them. I visit people while they're still living.

I think funerals are silly. Just about everything about the funeral "industry" is a cynical cash grab which preys on the bereaved.
 

Janann

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2006
Messages
1,536
Reaction score
950
Location
North Texas
Resorts Owned
HGVC on the Boulevard, Las Vegas;
Disney's Saratoga Springs

VacationForever

TUG Review Crew
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
17,271
Reaction score
12,643
Location
Somewhere Out There
I have been grieving for 24 years, and I was finally able to feel less pain about a year ago. My husband rationalized with me that I could not have changed the outcome. The most painful part of my grief is the guilt that comes with it. The guilt that I could have changed the outcome. I still dream about my loved one and wake up with a wet pillow. Grief never goes away but you just have to learn to live with it.
 

mentalbreak

TUG Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2011
Messages
962
Reaction score
1,453
Having lost my mother-in-law 5 years ago last month, my wife Julia 4 years ago this month, father 3 years ago this month, and my father-in-law 18 months ago, this is
đź’Ż
true.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DE8Eow0PIkt/

TS
That is A LOT of loss. I’m so sorry.
I have been listening to Anderson Cooper’s podcast on grief “All there is” off and on for a while now. I just recently revisited it, and have found a lot of good in it for myself. I recommend checking it out.
 

rapmarks

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
10,246
Reaction score
5,403
I thought this was right on target.
I am losing friends quite frequently now.
i lost my husband In 2022.
on the day of his memorial, I was told the pain I had between two teeth was cancer. I fought it Since that day. I still have at least three doctor appointments a week. It sure took my mind off my grief, but it still hits that pain button.
in December they told my sister she had cancer. She has had strokes, heart attacks, stents, asthma . We were worried she would not make it through surgery. She insisted she would not do chemo (her husband has Alzheimers). surgery went well and it was not cancer. I dont think I would have handled the grief very well.
 
Last edited:

jp10558

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2022
Messages
1,835
Reaction score
1,285
Location
Southern Tier NY
Resorts Owned
HGVC Seaworld
Wyndham Smoky Mountains
Foxrun Lake Lure
Gatlinburg Town Square
I don't go to them. I visit people while they're still living.

I think funerals are silly. Just about everything about the funeral "industry" is a cynical cash grab which preys on the bereaved.
Well, my family expects me to go and I don't want hell for years afterwards... Otherwise I'd love to skip them TBH. Similar with Weddings TBH - usually it's either looking for me for free labor or at best 5 minutes with the happy couple, in which case I'd prefer to just hang out some other time under less stress...
 

VacationForever

TUG Review Crew
TUG Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2010
Messages
17,271
Reaction score
12,643
Location
Somewhere Out There
I don't go to them. I visit people while they're still living.

I think funerals are silly. Just about everything about the funeral "industry" is a cynical cash grab which preys on the bereaved.
My husband just don't attend funerals and refused to attend either of his parents' funeral. His siblings never forgave him. I don't hate funeral, hence I don't understand his position.
 

ScoopKona

Guest
Joined
May 7, 2008
Messages
6,456
Reaction score
4,026
Location
Monkey King Coffee - Captain Cook, Hawaii
My husband just don't attend funerals and refused to attend either of his parents' funeral. His siblings never forgave him. I don't hate funeral, hence I don't understand his position.


Hate has nothing to do with it. I'll bet if you ask him, he'll say they're unnecessary, expensive, and basically a morbid circus.
 

klpca

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2006
Messages
8,692
Reaction score
7,991
Actually funerals, or a celebration of life, are held for the living, grieving families and friends. It is reassuring to gather with others who loved them, share stories, and give a sense of closure.

That said, I would never want a guest there who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to be there. There is already enough pain on that day and having someone there who doesn't want to be there would add unnecessary stress.
 

ScoopKona

Guest
Joined
May 7, 2008
Messages
6,456
Reaction score
4,026
Location
Monkey King Coffee - Captain Cook, Hawaii
Well, my family expects me to go and I don't want hell for years afterwards... Otherwise I'd love to skip them TBH.

If your family would give you hell over this, that should tell you everything you need to know about your family. I'd absolutely skip the funerals.
"I saw aunt Millie last week. I don't need to see her in a casket. Talking to her when she was alive was more important to me."

Way too many people use funerals as a substitute for actually visiting and talking to relatives.
 

jp10558

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2022
Messages
1,835
Reaction score
1,285
Location
Southern Tier NY
Resorts Owned
HGVC Seaworld
Wyndham Smoky Mountains
Foxrun Lake Lure
Gatlinburg Town Square
If your family would give you hell over this, that should tell you everything you need to know about your family. I'd absolutely skip the funerals.
"I saw aunt Millie last week. I don't need to see her in a casket. Talking to her when she was alive was more important to me."

Way too many people use funerals as a substitute for actually visiting and talking to relatives.
Well, technically it's my mother, who I talk with all the time. But you're right, it's also how we see some relatives, which after the last few funerals we've started making an effort to get together while people are alive. It already paid off with my third uncle who as now died, but we got to see him at my mom's birthday last year and were very grateful for that even more now. It kind of sucks cause we were intending to see him again in March when we are flying out to near where he lived, but obviously that changed...
 

clifffaith

TUG Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
6,510
Reaction score
8,884
Location
San Juan Capistrano, CA
Resorts Owned
Formerly: Marriott, ILX, Westin, Diamond, Worldmark. Timeshare free as of 12/24.
Went to a very interesting “send off” today for a neighbor who lived down the hall at the old folks home. Knights of Malta, Knights of the Holy Sepulcher, and Norbertine monks paraded in and took up about 1/4 of the church. You could cut the incense smoke with a knife! We learned that in his former life our friend made 8 trips to Lourdes where he and his wife helped the hoards of sick and infirm visit the shrine, and they made three pilgrimages to the Holy Land. Mike was instrumental in fund raising for the Norbertine’s new abbey, and will be buried in their cemetery. We only knew him as “Mike with the huge smile” who would greet us heartily as he walked with his care giver. Before reading his obituary we never knew his background beyond being a lawyer and judge. Molly had several years of grieving as Alzheimer’s robbed Mike of his mind. We grieved with her, while keeping to ourselves the thought that it was a blessing he died as soon as he did. His mind steadily declined and then he lived less than a year after he started falling unexpectedly and frequently.
 

mentalbreak

TUG Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2011
Messages
962
Reaction score
1,453
His mind steadily declined and then he lived less than a year after he started falling unexpectedly and frequently.
This has been the decline pattern for 3 different friends’ parents that have passed away this month, all in their late 80s or 90s.
 

Patri

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
7,108
Reaction score
4,897
This has been the decline pattern for 3 different friends’ parents that have passed away this month, all in their late 80s or 90s.
I have neighbors in that age category. One just turned 97. All women, they are sharp, still living in their own homes. We aren’t necessarily doomed. Even though not genetically related, I want to be like them! And I want men to live long healthy lives, too.
 

easyrider

TUG Review Crew: Elite
TUG Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Messages
16,822
Reaction score
9,471
Location
Palm Springs of Washinton
Resorts Owned
Worldmark * * Villa Del Palmar UVCI * * Vacation Internationale*
Well, my family expects me to go and I don't want hell for years afterwards... Otherwise I'd love to skip them TBH. Similar with Weddings TBH - usually it's either looking for me for free labor or at best 5 minutes with the happy couple, in which case I'd prefer to just hang out some other time under less stress...
I skip many things. Usually because I have other plans. I'm not changing planed trips for most funerals. I might for a wedding .

Actually, I would rather skip all funerals because I get a lingering sadness that can for days and sometimes forever.

Bill
 

Sandi Bo

TUG Review Crew
TUG Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2011
Messages
6,048
Reaction score
6,596
Location
Omaha
Resorts Owned
Wyndham
Funerals are important in this family. My husband is a bit over the line - yes, I've declined to go to his childhood friends, brother's, wife... something like that. He watches the obituaries and goes more often than most. Often for mothers of friends.

But I think it's because it meant so much to him for people to come - first to his sister's - his sister was 29. It meant SO much to his parents, the turnout, it left a very lasting impression. And it meant a lot to him for people to come for his Dad's and later his Mom's. He was also raised 'that way' - early on his mother drilled it into him that he should go. And so... my kids are pretty good about going when they shoud. When my mother passed, I asked my son to sing at here service - he and my nephew played guitar (and mandolin) and sang and it meant the world to me.

Grieving, ugg, never ends. Let's not forget the anniversaries. In the air, I can feel it - Friday will be 8 years since my grand-daughter was 'born into heaven'. The picture is good (The box and the circle) - the circle gets bigger for a week or so.
 
Top