How can my sister not care?

[nerodog]

Why do you think your sister is like this? Does she get along with your mom? Did they have a falling out or is your sister resentful of something from childhood? Just wondering because it sounds odd that your sister is so different from you. I wonder if there was something different in her upbringing or if your mom treated her differently?

Even in the same family, personalities and life experiences differ. My brother was older and looking back was enabled by my parents
He never had to work for anything because it was given to him. People like this always have a safety net but do not see how it impacts others. To me it's in the mental health regime. Possible depression fear of success, narcissism as noted. We are like night and day. Often alcohol abuse, drugs have had an impact.

 

[nerodog]

Just checked, no longer available for her zip code. With the 4 bottles I sent her from Amazon she should be good until Wednesday/Thursday. There are about 600 apartments affected. If they can’t fix it by then there will be big problems. I am hoping the management with contact the city for bottled water.

What about the Board of Health ?

 

[geekette]

What about Mom's landlord? Surely he knows he has tenants in trouble.

 

[WinniWoman]

Was just on Facebook and a woman posted that her parents here in our community lost their home care aide and was wondering if someone could check on them from a distance. Of course, we said we would. The mother is ill and the dad handles everything and is now overwhelmed with no aide there to help.

I offered supplies but she said the dad did go to Walmart the other day and only needs lysol/wipes. The daughter has been unable to get these for them in Massachusetts. Unfortunately we cannot get them either.

This is going to be a major problem going forward with home health care.

 

[Panina]

Was just on Facebook and a woman posted that her parents here in our community lost their home care aide and was wondering if someone could check on them from a distance. Of course, we said we would. The mother is ill and the dad handles everything and is now overwhelmed with no aide there to help.

I offered supplies but she said the dad did go to Walmart the other day and only needs lysol/wipes. The daughter has been unable to get these for them in Massachusetts. Unfortunately we cannot get them either.

This is going to be a major problem going forward with home health care.

It is a big hole in the system, isolated seniors at home not getting the help they desperately need as aides stay home. I believe it is the biggest shortage unspoken about now. Unnecessary deaths will result.

 

[TravelTime]

It is a big hole in the system, isolated seniors at home not getting the help they desperately need as aides stay home. I believe it is the biggest shortage unspoken about now. Unnecessary deaths will result.

Seniors are really suffering during this crisis. No one wants to visit them for fear of giving them the virus. Many are already isolated and now even more so. Home health aides do not want to visit them either. It is very tragic and sad for them.

 

[Panina]

I couldn’t get anyone at the management office. Yesterday mom got a call saying the pipe burst and there would not be water and they would call when it is back. She didn’t ask anything. They never called again.

Today she has flowing water, not at full strength. She thinks it is clear but with her macular one cannot be sure. I told her to go down the hall with her magnify glass to see if there is a notice by the elevator. There was. It said the water was turned off to flush the lines as they needed cleaning and the lower pressure will take a while to resolve.

I am so angry they called to say a water pipe burst but it actually wasn’t. There is a big difference between a water pipe burst and system flushing. Meanwhile I told her to drink the bottle water she has for two days or until the water is at full force and then run it for awhile.

On top of this, this morning she says she thinks she has a slight cold, her nose is running. I am hoping it is allergies to being stuck in the apartment 24/7 with excessive heat even when turning it off and keeping windows open.

 

[b2bailey]

Back to your original question -- how can it be that your sister doesn't care?
There is a quality called empathy. On the one end, people are heart-broken by the pain of others. On the other, it is demonstrated by those who don't seem to give a da** about others. But when they are in need, they expect others to come running.

Why? There's that question that rarely has a clear answer.

 

[bbodb1]

Back to your original question -- how can it be that your sister doesn't care?
There is a quality called empathy. On the one end, people are heart-broken by the pain of others. On the other, it is demonstrated by those who don't seem to give a da** about others. But when they are in need, they expect others to come running.

Why? There's that question that rarely has a clear answer.

I think you have answered (at least) a small portion of your own question here. And allow me to emphasize that I am talking in the macro here....
Empathy is not a one size fits all attribute. Is empathy earned? Given? What is it within each of us that brings that quality of empathy to the surface?
Does empathy have requirements? Is empathy automatic?

These questions (and several others I suspect) all drive each of us to perform a mental sort of unspoken (perhaps even sub conscious sort of ) calculus to determine if empathy is applicable in a case. Each of our calculations are based on our own experiences and beliefs and as such are unique.

 

[isisdave]

So if there are 600 apartments involved, this is a Big Deal, and others (who didn't fill their bathtub) are probably in more risk. I can't believe someone hasn't called health authorities.

How about one of those TV guys that pesters governments and businesses to fix problems? I suppose they're swamped, too. NYC Ombudsman for contacts?

The line might have broken underground; that would let dirt in and require flushing after repair.

 

[Theiggy]

Panina- I haven’t read through all messages but I live on LI, grew up in Queens. Where is your mom? Do you need me to send or bring her something? I was thinking Instacart too. If you schedule it for first thing in the morning there should be any brand of water on the shelf?


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[Panina]

Panina- I haven’t read through all messages but I live on LI, grew up in Queens. Where is your mom? Do you need me to send or bring her something? I was thinking Instacart too. If you schedule it for first thing in the morning there should be any brand of water on the shelf?


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Words cannot fully express what my heart feels right now. @Theiggy your caring and kindness is so appreciated. It is people like you that always make me have hope for us all.

Right now I was able to get all the essentials that mom needed delivered to her. She has an emergency water stash if the water stops again, her medicine and food that can last for many weeks.

 

[Theiggy]

Words cannot fully express what my heart feels right now. @Theiggy your caring and kindness is so appreciated. It is people like you that always make me have hope for us all.

Right now I was able to get all the essentials that mom needed delivered to her. She has an emergency water stash if the water stops again, her medicine and food that can last for many weeks.

I’m glad you were able to get her what she needs. My mom is at the beginning stages of dementia and I try to help her out where I can and now I can’t go over and visit . Luckily she has my stepfather but I normally organize her pills and stuff on Sundays and now I can’t. It’s a sad scary time. She doesn’t understand why she can’t see us. This sucks. There’s no way around it.

And planning and going on vacations is my favorite de-stress activity. Argh. Hoping we all get through it. Quickly!


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[Panina]

I’m glad you were able to get her what she needs. My mom is at the beginning stages of dementia and I try to help her out where I can and now I can’t go over and visit . Luckily she has my stepfather but I normally organize her pills and stuff on Sundays and now I can’t. It’s a sad scary time. She doesn’t understand why she can’t see us. This sucks. There’s no way around it.

And planning and going on vacations is my favorite de-stress activity. Argh. Hoping we all get through it. Quickly!


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I understand. Not being able to see our parents is so stressful.

No matter how long this goes it will never feel quickly. Days now seem like weeks.

 

[VacationForever]

On top of this, this morning she says she thinks she has a slight cold, her nose is running. I am hoping it is allergies to being stuck in the apartment 24/7 with excessive heat even when turning it off and keeping windows open.

Has your mother been social distancing, washing hands and sanitizing everything? Whenever we go out and expect to open doors, we put on gloves or sanitize our hands like crazy and sanitize our keys and door knobs when we get home and then wash our hands immediately. Your mother getting cold symptoms now is worrisome.

 

[Panina]

Has your mother been social distancing, washing hands and sanitizing everything? Whenever we go out and expect to open doors, we put on gloves or sanitize our hands like crazy and sanitize our keys and door knobs when we get home and then wash our hands immediately. Your mother getting cold symptoms now is worrisome.

Yes she is doing everything. The cold seems to be gone. Hopefully it stays that way.

 

[DavidnRobin]

Seniors are really suffering during this crisis. No one wants to visit them for fear of giving them the virus. Many are already isolated and now even more so. Home health aides do not want to visit them either. It is very tragic and sad for them.

We pulled my elderly MIL out of a Senior Care Center right before the SAH order, and now caring for her at home. She would have been all alone in that sad place (No visitors allowed) - and it looked like a potential of being a covid hotbed. She may die at our house - but better than dying alone.

She has had multiple home health aids come to our house (we are in a hotbed of covid) since moving her here 2 weeks ago - LVNs and PTs and OTs and a Social Worker (all with PPEs and practicing sanitary procedures). And all covered by basic Medicare until end of May.

Not sure why the comment that Healthcare Workers won’t come - this is far from our experience. And they have all been great and staying in touch. So... gut feel vs. fact?


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[TravelTime]

We pulled my elderly MIL out of a Senior Care Center right before the SAH order, and now caring for her at home. She would have been all alone in that sad place (No visitors allowed) - and it looked like a potential of being a covid hotbed. She may die at our house - but better than dying alone.

She has had multiple home health aids come to our house (we are in a hotbed of covid) since moving her here 2 weeks ago - LVNs and PTs and OTs and a Social Worker (all with PPEs and practicing sanitary procedures). And all covered by basic Medicare until end of May.

Not sure why the comment that Healthcare Workers won’t come - this is far from our experience. And they have all been great and staying in touch. So... gut feel vs. fact?


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Read this article:

'We want to live': At-risk adults, home health care workers fear coronavirus

The spread of COVID-19 has added pressure to the home health care industry, which more than 10 million Americans rely on for assistance.

www.usatoday.com

 

[DavidnRobin]

Read this article:

'We want to live': At-risk adults, home health care workers fear coronavirus

The spread of COVID-19 has added pressure to the home health care industry, which more than 10 million Americans rely on for assistance.

www.usatoday.com

Regardless - we have a real life situation that is counter to what was stated - in 2 weeks we have probably had a visit per day - and also accessibility to them via text and phone. They have been very responsive and extremely caring.
I don’t need an USA Today article to drive my viewpoint - we have real world experience. My MIL lives purely on SS (and us) - this is basic Medicare. I wouldn’t even get this type of care with our insurance that costs 10x more (at least).


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[TravelTime]

Regardless - we have a real life situation that is counter to what was stated - in 2 weeks we have probably had a visit per day - and also accessibility to them via text and phone. They have been very responsive and extremely caring.
I don’t need an USA Today article to drive my viewpoint.


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I was just speaking from what I have read. This is only one of many articles on this topic. I am very happy to hear that your personal experience is different. Like we know, the media is sensationalist so many people probably are having great experiences right now. I hope the media is wrong!

 

[clifffaith]

Mom HATES paying $26 for a healthcare aid. Has been threatening to cancel them since she started them up again for Dad in February. The last ten days groceries have been the main focus, and it does mean she has care for Dad if she goes out with my sister. I know she'd planned on stopping the help as soon as her canceled cataract surgery was complete. She said "my doctor says it is no problem for my eye for me to be pushing the wheelchair" -- but did she tell the eye doctor she has a bad hip so pushing is hard, house is carpeted so pushing is hard, Dad can't get into bed or to the potty without semi-lifting help which is hard? Who knows.

 

[Panina]

We pulled my elderly MIL out of a Senior Care Center right before the SAH order, and now caring for her at home. She would have been all alone in that sad place (No visitors allowed) - and it looked like a potential of being a covid hotbed. She may die at our house - but better than dying alone.

She has had multiple home health aids come to our house (we are in a hotbed of covid) since moving her here 2 weeks ago - LVNs and PTs and OTs and a Social Worker (all with PPEs and practicing sanitary procedures). And all covered by basic Medicare until end of May.

Not sure why the comment that Healthcare Workers won’t come - this is far from our experience. And they have all been great and staying in touch. So... gut feel vs. fact?


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You are fortunate to get the help. My reference was to home aides. They don’t provide medical help. They help with day to day things, showers, cooking , taking medicine, shopping, etc. My mom is provided from a private agency whereas Medicare and Medicaid is provided from different agencies. Fact, my mom has no aide now due to the fact there is a shortage as Many do not want to work now.

 

[WinniWoman]

We pulled my elderly MIL out of a Senior Care Center right before the SAH order, and now caring for her at home. She would have been all alone in that sad place (No visitors allowed) - and it looked like a potential of being a covid hotbed. She may die at our house - but better than dying alone.

She has had multiple home health aids come to our house (we are in a hotbed of covid) since moving her here 2 weeks ago - LVNs and PTs and OTs and a Social Worker (all with PPEs and practicing sanitary procedures). And all covered by basic Medicare until end of May.

Not sure why the comment that Healthcare Workers won’t come - this is far from our experience. And they have all been great and staying in touch. So... gut feel vs. fact?


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You have been very lucky. Thank goodness she has the care at home. Most are not as lucky. Might be geographical in terms of availability of personnel.

 

[geekette]

You are fortunate to get the help. My reference was to home aides. They don’t provide medical help. They help with day to day things, showers, cooking , taking medicine, shopping, etc. My mom is provided from a private agency whereas Medicare and Medicaid is provided from different agencies. Fact, my mom has no aide now due to the fact there is a shortage as Many do not want to work now.

"Do not want to work", or, have kids at home they now must home school? Maybe went to grab up an elderly family member of their own to care for in their own homes. Most people have family that comes first, before work. Some people are actually sick, too, and should not be visiting homes of others.

I don't think it's ok to decide what is in someone else's heart or head. You can't just declare motivations for entire groups of people. How could you actually Know?? You can't state fact that "Many do not want to work now". That's not fact, it's opinion. Shortage is fact. Speculating on the cause of shortage is speculation.

 

[Timeshare Von]

How can she not care? Its clinical term is narcissistic personality disorder. Some people can only think of and consider themselves.