However, my belief is that funerals or memorial services are for the people left behind - not the person who died. And having a funeral (w casket) helps make real that the person is gone. My belief is that people who declare they want no kind of remembrance at their death do a disservice to those left behind but that's their choice.
Absolutely correct. Funeral services are for the living, not the dead. Can't be for the dead, because ... they're dead. If you want to do something for them, you need to do it while they are alive.
In our family, the tradition has become cremation, with some type of close family ceremony involving the handling of the remains. Then there is a memorial service at the church - essentially a funeral services but no corpse and casket.
When my MIL died we had a very touching moment at our family ceremony as we were placing the ashes in the vault that my in-laws had obtained some years back when they were making final plans, in the cemetery where all of their forebears and relations were interred. FIL was in advanced stage Alzheimer's at the time (he died four months later), and was completely disconnected with everything that was going on as were going through our private family ceremony. Then after my wife and SIL put their mother's remains in the vault and shut the door, he turned and put his hand on the vault door, looked at us and said, "Is this where she's going to be?" My BIL said "Yes". He tapped the door and said, "That is good." Five seconds later the moment of lucidity was over and he was back to full-stage dementia.
As I noted above, I have indicated to my family my thoughts on what they could do with my remains if they felt a need to something special to honor me. Though my intent isn't to be honored; rather it is to avoid potential squabbles among them about how I would have liked to have my remains disposed of.
