[2011] Who else has the personality type that can't get rid of guilt on vacation?

[heathpack]

I'm self-employed so I think this plays into it. (no paid vacation). I also think women are more prone to guilt than men, so it is interesting to see some men come forward admitting they deal with guilt. But it goes beyond work. I just can't stop. I feel guilty by sleeping in, walking on the beach because it's not productive. Chrisky's words needs to be in my head as I deal with this. Also Neash has nailed what I'm dealing with exactly.

Hahaha, I do not feel guilty about vacation, I do not feel guilty about sleeping in. However I do feel like sleeping in is a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. Seriously I get up at 4:30 am. Mr. H lies there blissfully sleeping and I completely cannot relate, I actually feel a little sorry for him, "he will never get everything done today that he needs to, poor guy."

And he thinks, "poor crazy H, the days are not long enough for her, she's
getting up two hours before dawn, why doesn't she just sleep a few hours more and do a little less, poor thing?"

I also can relate to the not getting vacation. I actually DO get a paycheck when I am away, but the total revenue I generate in a year determines how much I am ultimately I am paid in any 12 month period of time. The more I
am away, the less I get paid. I also generate all the income for my department, everything that I need to do my job- staff, equipment, supplies- is accounted for & I must generate $XX to continue to have all those things. So being away has a real tangible effect for me, above and beyond the backlog that is there when I return.

Nonetheless, vacation is essential, I take 4 weeks per year. Whenever possible we try to take 1 two week vacation every year, a two week trip is WAY more relaxing than a 1 week trip. Ideally someplace tropical and lazy.

H

 

[slip]

No guilt for me!! I agree with Heathpack, two weeks is much better than one.
I also take 4 stress free weeks every year. I work hard while others are on
vacation, I deserve the same.

 

[geekette]

I'm self-employed so I think this plays into it. (no paid vacation). I also think women are more prone to guilt than men, so it is interesting to see some men come forward admitting they deal with guilt. But it goes beyond work. I just can't stop. I feel guilty by sleeping in, walking on the beach because it's not productive. Chrisky's words needs to be in my head as I deal with this. Also Neash has nailed what I'm dealing with exactly.

Ohhh, productivity!!!

I may understand the problem you have. Someone put it into your head that you must always Be Doing, Getting Something Done. Be Productive. That spending time on things with no tangible gain or furthering of your goals is pointless? Not to waste time on? Nor money?

Well, I give you permission to do nothing but pursue happiness and relaxation on your next trip. Slow down, smell the roses. Everyone deserves down time so grant yourself some.

I know you do not need my permission, but sometimes when someone has a long held notion, maybe from childhood, it sometimes helps for someone else to release them from the obligation of adhering to it.

I'm guessing your parents were hard-working people and while there is nothing wrong with being hard-working, you need balance in your life, so, play hard!

No paid vacation is kind of a life situation you plan around, I guess. For me, it would mean less trips, saving longer between them, but I'd still take time off as I needed it. Easy to say while I happily work for someone else giving me the benefits.

 

[Chrisky]

I'm self-employed so I think this plays into it. (no paid vacation).

I can understand that being self-employed puts a lot more stress on you. Instead of taking the whole week off, have you ever tried to just take a day or two in conjunction with a holiday weekend? We used to do that when our actual vacation time was short. Doing that might ease your guilty feeling.

 

[MuranoJo]

I can relate! Here's how I try to mange this, to some degree of success:

*Hire a housesitter I trust for the dogs. I still worry about them and call in to check in on everything once or twice. They hate the kennel and this is so much better if you can get a live-in for the duration of the trip.
*Don't offer my cell number (except for the boss for 'emergencies', but, heck the whole team has it). I know those of you who own your businesses probably can't do this.
*Establish a back-up system and put the contact information in my out-of-office message.
*Don't take my laptop and turn my cell off except to check for messages later in the day.

Yes, it's always good to know we are needed, but I tell myself I'll be even more productive and happy with a break. And no one is irreplaceable.

Finally, do the same thing for those who are going off to vacations with not disturbing them unless it's absolutely critical.

Agree 150% that 2 weeks is a big difference.

 

[NWL]

I have a bigger problem with guilt if I am home and avoiding chores.

Sunday football is a good example. I think I heard weeds growing taller and leaves mocking me on their fall from the trees yesterday. I wasn't working and I wasn't outside.

But on vacation? no guilt. not with work. not with family. not with house/chores.

I EARN vacation time while I'm in the workforce; I am entitled to it, and I am entitled to enjoy it. which I do a lot more now that vacation doesn't mean cleaning out the garage or helping a friend move. I would still have crappo vacations were it not for timeshares. I feel that I'm worth it.

It's a time to really recharge, even if that means sleeping late and not moving off the balcony all day.

It will probably be even sweeter when I'm retired because I likely won't be so run down to need to catch up on sleep.

I would feel only a little guilty if I didn't see/do/etc all I planned to in a foreign country, but I'm not a big scheduler, not interested in filling every day, every hour, having an agenda, so my list is usually attainable. I go with hazy plans of seeing this and doing that. It comes together or it doesn't, no stress, no guilt. I hit as much as is reasonable and don't beat myself up for not running myself ragged. If I'm not relaxed and enjoying it, then it isn't worth it.

I travel domestically most of the time, so, No Problem!

I do miss my dog a lot when I'm gone, but I always make sure she is with someone that she and I both trust, so it's kind of like "camp" for her. No guilt!

Guilt leads to drama, and I don't need that in my life.

I like how you think! I do feel a tad quilty watching football on a good weather Sunday, but I get over it.

As for traveling overseas, I try to schedule plenty of time so I can sleep late, hang out with the local folks in a cafe/pub, and still have time to see the sights.

Cheers!

 

[caribbeansun]

Guilt = a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong,etc., whether real or imagined.

So, based on your description you don't feel good about yourself at any time that you actually do something for yourself if there is no tangible outcome or you can't tick a box?

Self-employment - meh, that's just an excuse, I'm self-employed and I earn my vacation and I take lots of it. Without it I'm unproductive and prone to errors which is far more expensive than time off.

Male/female - your comment may be valid but you only have yourself to blame if you allow it to rule your life.

So why don't you just give yourself a break, realize that you don't have to be "productive" all the time, recognize that you need to recharge and that being a bit self indulgent isn't actually a bad thing. Reset your personal evaluation method to judge the quality of your productivity vs. the quantity. Relax, put your feet up, enjoy a sunset, a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates and exhale - the world won't end if you do this, it might just end for you if you don't - I'm just saying...

I'm self-employed so I think this plays into it. (no paid vacation). I also think women are more prone to guilt than men, so it is interesting to see some men come forward admitting they deal with guilt. But it goes beyond work. I just can't stop. I feel guilty by sleeping in, walking on the beach because it's not productive. Chrisky's words needs to be in my head as I deal with this. Also Neash has nailed what I'm dealing with exactly.

 

[Talent312]

For me, its not the guilt, but the stress from work that I find hard to release
... especially knowing that it will all be piling up pn my desk while I'm away.

Can you believe that I'd call my office while waiting for the sunset on Santorini?
However, put a few frozen concoctions in me, and I seem to forget about it, for a while.

 

[pkyorkbeach]

My doctor explained to me one day that taking a sick day when you are NOT sick is important to do. Our body's need to rejuvinate. Sometimes stress is there without realizing it. The doc said that when you vacation or take a needed sick day it is for the bodies own good. Rest, relax and enjoy!!!!!

 

[K&PFitz]

Reading this thread taught me that I have one more thing to thank my mom and dad for. I never feel guilty about going on vacation, because I've been doing it all my life.

My parents were both hard workers, but we always took a vacation. When I was a toddler, it was just a week in a cabin in Michigan, but by the time I was 6, it was driving from Chicago to Florida, pre-Interstate for most of it. They taught me that getting away for some fun and time together was an essential part of life.

By the time I got to high school, I had been from coast to coast and from British Columbia to Florida. My wife and I continued the tradition, and dragged our kids all over the map. I'm always planning the next vacation or two in my head.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

 

[dmharris]

Geekette, thanks for the permission; it about made me cry. I'm so hard on myself.

K&PFitz, this is very insightful. My parents NEVER took vacations, both worked until they retired. We never traveled anywhere. Thanks.

Tuggers are wonderful virtual friends; better than a shrink!

 

[BevL]

I think a lot of it is how you were brought up. We always went camping for a week, driving from Alberta to lakes in British Columbia. Once we went on a trip down through Oregon, stopped at Crater Lake, to northern California. That was a huge trip.

When I think back I realize how much work those trips were for my parents. We did similar camping with our kids when they were younger - multi family caravans to the Okanagan in BC - a week to pack, boiling water for dishes while we were gone, cooking on a Coleman stove and infinite loads of laundry when we got back.

But we creaated memories, both myself with my parents - we still laugh about the "wasp" test - we would all sit in the car, my dad would put the cast iron frying pay out on the hood of the car and depending on the number of wasps that pounced, we'd camp there or not. Our kids still talk about our trips with their cousins, and later the children their cousins had.

So maybe focus less on what you're not getting done by being away and try to focus more on things that will emotionally sustain you later in life - remembering laughter, good times, and sometimes those times when things go off the rails that make for good stories years later. You can always work - time and those memories with people you love can't be recreated. If you focus on accomplishing that, you've really got something precious. If you have to think of that as your "job" while you're on holidays, so be it.

It's early in the morning to be so maudlin, so forgive me. Given events in my life in the last three years, taking time while you have it is absolutely vital.

 

[geekette]

Geekette, thanks for the permission; it about made me cry. I'm so hard on myself.

K&PFitz, this is very insightful. My parents NEVER took vacations, both worked until they retired. We never traveled anywhere. Thanks.

Tuggers are wonderful virtual friends; better than a shrink!

I'm so glad you took it in the spirit in which it was intended; I worried that I might offend you. I did expect that your parents had everything to do with your inner drive. We tend to live by the examples set by our parents. Especially when it comes to work ethic.

I also got to see coast to coast before end of high school. But generally, Dad worked his butt off. He made the annual trip in August a committment. Sometimes we took the entire month to just travel.

I do believe that women are more geared towards seeing to everyone elses happiness and then, maybe, if there's time, consider themselves (this is especially true of mothers). Workaholism, however, affects both genders. I am a reformed workaholic. THis doesn't mean that I slack off at work, only that I don't make my work = my life. I deserve to experience life outside of the cube.

Perhaps this little thing that a good friend said to me back in Feb will help you as much as it has helped me:

Sometimes, it is all about You.

Seems small, trivial, but, it changed my life. For the Better.

Assess your true needs and determine which ones are not being met. Then set out to meet those needs. You will be happier and healthier for it. You simply must put yourself first sometimes.

 

[Passepartout]

Relaxation and reCREATION are learned behaviors for many people. We are brought up to be productive and to fit the most into a day. Not enough 'production?', just put in a little overtime or start earlier. I think this is ingrained on us from an early age- parents show us their work ethic. We get it in church, at school and from bosses driven by the bottom line. In short, we think it's 'normal'.

Diane, maybe some yoga might help. Really. Vacations are GOOD for us. We are more productive when we return. We get a new point of view- an 'outside the box' way of seeing life and it's possibilities.

Sure, you can be saddened that the kids aren't with you, that the animals are at a boarder, that there will be phone calls and some catch-up to do when you return. The kids will have vacations of their own without you, animals don't experience time away the same as we do, and your clients and co-workers will be asking you how much fun you had at vacation.

Hoping all your vacations are as relaxing and rejuvenating as ours. We are just getting home from 3 weeks in Rome and a transatlantic cruise filled with music, good food and conversations, and would you believe, I spent some hours every day with a paintbrush in hand, painting watercolors! That will teach you to relax!

Now to clean out the dead, frozen flowers from the planting beds, rake the leaves and read a TON of newspapers and mail.

In short, anytime you get thinking you are indispensable, try this little experiment. Just put your hand in a bucket of water, then pull it out quickly and see how long it takes the water to fill the space vacated by your hand.

Jim Ricks

 

[AwayWeGo]

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Click here for some practical suggestions for being happy.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

 

[GetawaysRus]

I EARN vacation time while I'm in the workforce; I am entitled to it, and I am entitled to enjoy it.

Ooh, that's dangerous. Vacation is an entitlement. Please don't say that too loudly. This means that the government may very well find a way to tax my vacation. Or perhaps they will figure out how to reduce it or take it away from me entirely (and give it to someone else who doesn't have as much as me).

 

[geekette]

I AM taxed that week, same as any pay earned, whether or not I'm actually working. Such is the nature of Paid Vacation. I would definitely call this company benefit An Entitlement altho I had not previously looked at it that way.

I'm not a gov employee so not concerned about Feds reaching into my PTO bank at my private employer.

 

[Icc5]

Getting rid of guilt or relaxing

Maybe I'm the only one, but I have a heck of a time getting rid of the guilt when I'm relaxing on vacation. Maybe it's my childhood Catholic upbringing. Maybe it's my personality type. I just struggle feeling I should be DOING something productive. My husband thinks I'm crazy. Anyone else struggle or have overcome this struggle? What have you found that helps? Thanks!

From the Grande Ocean resort,

The only time I find myself completly relaxed is when I am in Escondido at Lawrence Welk (the older units). I have never figured out what it is about the units but after staying in about 100 different places I always can relax and shed the world at Welk.
Bart

 

[ronandjoan]

I have the kind of conscience that declares me Guilty till proven Innocent.

Shux, I still have guilt feelings over stuff I did when I was 5 years old.

The only redeeming feature is that over the years my character has generally been on an improving trend -- never mind that there is still loads of room for more improvement.

That's lots better then if I had been a man of all-round sterling character when I was young, only to have worsened over time into a case-hardened, industrial-strength S.O.B.

So it goes.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

Love your post, Alan.
I felt guilty at first but then, and now, I remember all those years I worked 20 hours a day.

 

[buceo]

Ahhh guilt, a fairly complex human condition. I think it can be used in different ways and you could use it to your advantage. Sounds like you need to be "doing", (I do too, but it doesn't need to be at my job). While "vacationing" what can you do that feels right? Learning is always good (as in feel guilty if you are not learning something new). ?You could even learn what might help your job back home, even indirectly, open some new avenues. Or heaven forbid learn about something that is not directly job related. Do you like native cultures, natural history, art, literature, local traditions, politics, volunteering? Just a suggestion. Personally I mainly go for the natural history angle and it does help my job performance.

 

[MuranoJo]

I have a bigger problem with guilt if I am home and avoiding chores.

I EARN vacation time while I'm in the workforce; I am entitled to it, and I am entitled to enjoy it. which I do a lot more now that vacation doesn't mean cleaning out the garage or helping a friend move. I would still have crappo vacations were it not for timeshares. I feel that I'm worth it.

Going back to an earlier post from geekette, this is absolutely where I've come full circle. T/s have forced us to have a 'real' vacation vs. cleaning around the house or visiting relatives or camping. Yeah, I like camping, but not if it's the only vacation for the year.

And I just found out I need to take 2 more days off in two weeks or lose them, before a two-week vacation over the holidays. There was a time when I'd just let them go, knowing I had a big break coming up and so much to do before then. Not now. I've earned this time and they won't let me carry it over to next year, so I'm using it.

 

[AnnaS]

It might be hard to train yourself, but try not to feel guilty. We work hard and deserve some recharging time, spending time with your family/friends. A short get away to get away from it all.

Do I feel guilty? Sometimes - I do feel a little bit of guilt or worry - the dog, the kids home, the house, etc. it's normal.

I also do not want any regrets. Recently I lost my 47 yr. old brother-in-law to cancer, my dad, my 47 yr. old sister to cancer and my father-in-law. I could be next or someone else again that I love dearly. Like everyone else too I have friends and co-workers who are also battling the beast and friends/family who just drop after a heart attack. No, I recently changed my thinking, if I have the time and can afford to go, do something, buy something (within reason and not going on a spending spree here) - I go for it. Life is too short and it is for the living.

I wish I could pick up and go more often - enjoy your vacation even if you have to stay in touch with work here and there.

 

[Kagehitokiri2]

work hard, play hard

taking breaks allows you to work more and get more done when you are working

focus on whatever it is youre doing

 

[jlr10]

Ooh, that's dangerous. Vacation is an entitlement. Please don't say that too loudly. This means that the government may very well find a way to tax my vacation. Or perhaps they will figure out how to reduce it or take it away from me entirely (and give it to someone else who doesn't have as much as me).

DH works for the post office (government) and they DID call him on his last vacation and tell him he had to come in and work. But he also has so much vacation saved that if he doesn't take it he will not be able to acrue any more.:annoyed: We are planning a trip next weekend and he is not going to answer the phone when they call.

I never feel guilty while on vacation. First because I work my tail end off before I go to make sure that everything I can possibly do to help my team is done before I go, even if it means working from home at night. Also, in trying to lead by example, when they are on vacation I do everything I possibly can to do their job while they are on vacation (even if mine gets backlogged) so that when they come back they don't lose all benefits of the time off trying to catch up on backlogged worked. It took 2 years but they now follow that example and do my work while I am gone too. So when I return I have some work, but am still in pretty good shape.

Second I put in a lot of hours in my job. I rarely watch the time and when I look up at what I consider the end of the day I am frequently one of the last, if not the last, to leave. So I feel I have earned my vacation, and my team members and managers agree telling me to go and not even think about work. In return I tell them my phone doesn't get service where I am going.

In my office people rarely take off a week at a time, so when I came and started taking 2 week vacation there were a lot of people who looked at me like I had grown horns. Now my team likes that I take it because I come back happy, relaxed and bearing presents. They also know that for the rest of the year I will only be taking off one day a month (a scheduled day that everyone gets.) They also know I will never tell them not to go, but encourage them to go and get a break, which they richly deserve.

So once my feet hit vacation soil I add an umbrella drink, kick off my shoes and do what ever I want for 14 days. It may mean hikes that sap all my energy or it may just be sitting a chair and reading a book from cover to cover, but it does not include thinking about work. I don't do that until the drive back to the office on the day of my return.

Only 35 more days to 16 days of relaxing...

 

[talkamotta]

work hard, play hard

taking breaks allows you to work more and get more done when you are working

focus on whatever it is youre doing

WORK HARD PLAY HARD. My life motto. That is what I always told my children. Now it is Work Hard and do what ever you want. When we go on vacation we always leave a day for doing nothing. Most of the time we will go do something and be back by 3 or 4 and cook dinner and relax.

Kids.(adults now)... I will let them rent my condos anytime. If trading I will let them take the ac's. If Im going somewhere 90 percent of the time they can come. If they do come its a free place to stay and if they want to do what I do they can come. I will usually buy the food, too. If they want to do something else. Go For It. It works real good.

Dont ever feel guilty.... You worked hard. You need the down time from your work and home. When you are really old like 120 and you cant go on vacations you will only have your memories. (The ones that you can remember) Make them good ones.