Possible relocation to Raleigh, NC - please offer Pros and Cons

[MOXJO7282]

My company is offering me an optional promotion with a 15% raise but with relocation to Raleigh, NC. It came as quite a surprise so we're trying to process and weigh the Pros and Cons.

Here's what I've come up with so far. I would really love to hear from those that have gone through the relocation process and their experience.

Pros - I'm assuming with my Manhattan salary living in NC would be a real positive especially in the long term. I've been lucky over my career to be able to raise my family on Long Island but its getting harder and harder with taxes and the cost of living here.

My house would sell reasonably well because we've been in it for 20 years so I don't have to max out the sales number and we've upgraded and have kept it up nicely. I assume we can find something really nice in NC.

We'll be closer to Miami we're my lovely sister in law lives which will allow us to see them much more than we do now.

Cons - Daughter is a freshman in local college so she would either have to live on her own or transfer to be closer to us. Son in local middle school with lots of buddies. My wife has a great group of friends. Her parents an less than an hour away. We would really want her parents to come with us and if that were the case this would turn into a big positive.

I'm most worried about my daughter and wife who are super close and my daughter decided to stay close to home to go to school to be close to her mom and this really ruins that. I believe my son will adjust since he's a cute, athletic kid who will make friends

Leaving Long Island where we've been born and raised would really be hard.


So for anyone for has some insight, or who has done it, what are some other pluses and minuses I may be overlooking?

How is the weather in Raleigh? In general how about the schools? I assume I'll be in culture shock with the change from the hustle and bustle of NY compared to NC but I'm at heart a country boy from the east end of LI so I may like the slower pace if that is actually true.

Another big question, any big airports? While it will be easier to get to our HHI TSs, I'm worried about getting to Maui and other far off destinations.

What about housing? Will I be able to find a nice home at a good price? I'm assuming so but not sure.

 

[Big Matt]

Other pros:
Weather is much milder
Great things to do within 30 minutes including lots of colleges/athletics
Cheaper to live by a lot
NC state colleges are very good and may be a benefit to daughter/son
Close to the Outer Banks, Wilmington and Myrtle Beach
Cheaper gas, utilities, car insurance, etc.

Cons to consider:
People will be different including less diversity (if that's important), religious slant, etc.
No major airports although many smaller ones

 

[ouaifer]

Seriously, there are NO cons! If you have that opportunity, do not hesitate...it is an amazing opportunity! We should be so lucky!

 

[radmoo]

Words from a NY transplant!
GO FOR IT,

Wow left NY for Boston area 32 years ago and 1 divorce and remarriage later, I am still here. There is life beyond LI and upstate does NOT begin at GW bridge. Most Greater Metro areas have lots of transplanted folks, Charlotte had huge influx due to banking moves. Raleigh/Research Triangle area is full of opportunity, yes, it is different from LI but from my perespective, it is important to seize the moment and try something new.

The one difficult thing might be making friends at this stage in life. It is always easier when you have young children. But as you are still working, you will have a network of colleagues. Rule in is a growing area so there must be many group that welcome newcomers, especially if you move into a subdivision. Middle schools is. Good time I move because there is lots of change when moving on into high school anyway.

Your money will go so much farther that you can sock away for college, retirement and still have left over for trips back to LI if you get lonely or crave some deli or a diner.

 

[l2trade]

Moving away from family & friends is a big CON, especially since you have deep roots in your home town (born & raised). You have to want the move and be excited about living in the new location (or more importantly, excited about abandoning the current one), which is rarely the case with employer initiated relocations. When I last moved for work, it was because I sought out the job transfer. I already had friends and family in the new location. It wasn't until a couple years later when my wife's parents moved here too, that the relo became a real positive.

I don't live in either location, but I have extended family/friends and have visited both. If I had to choose I would pick Long Island over Raleigh in a heartbeat. Everyone I know who lives in Raleigh moved there because of work. Several have already escaped. I know a couple who destroyed their wealthy retirement savings building a retirement dream home outside Raleigh. When all was done, they loved the home, but not the location and the family isolation. They quickly moved away, but spent years after they moved trying to sell it. Long Island is a lifestyle choice, which is why housing is more expensive there. I would NOT buy a house in Raleigh, especially one of any value which will be tougher to sell if the RELO doesn't work out.

This is just my opinion. I know others will disagree.

 

[bogey21]

If Daughter is open to transferring, there are a bunch of great universities in and not far from Raleigh.

George

 

[MOXJO7282]

You'll notice there are no Cons that related to me personally but just my concern for my loved ones because I'm growing more excited by the possibilities.

I just can't help but think of the tears that will be shed though. At the very least I'll go it alone for at least 3 months if not 6 months to get the lay of the land and whatnot.

 

[Deb from NC]

So much of a move depends on your attitude and how adaptable you are to change. Here in NC the cost of living is low and the weather is mild, and both the beach and the mountains are close by. We have GREAT colleges...Duke, UNC, Wake Forest. But we don't have Manhattan! And Raleigh/Durham is considered a major airport here In general, NC is a conservative state, so you might be in for some culture shock. I moved from NJ to KY to NC..I would go back to KY but not NJ..I'm too southern now!

 

[VacationForever]

I have relocated to several countries for work. It's always been a new adventure for me and something that I had always looked forward to, although Long Island to Raleigh, NC is probably less of an adventure than relocation to different countries and cultures.

If I were in your shoes:
- Do not sell the home in Long Island immediately. Rent it out to cover the running expenses and to cover the mortgage if there is one on it. If your move does not work out you can always move back to Long Island.
- Rent in Raleigh NC in the short term or buy a modest home with a down payment that you can afford and let the mortgage/running costs be what your current expenses are in Long Island.
- Is the new job position in line with your own development and career goals? If not, then you may not want to move.

In my own situation, I was a single mom with a great career and I could pick up and move easily as my special needs kid was young. As he got older I had considered moving to somewhere in Europe as my next career move but I "settled" down as I put his needs before mine. After 15 years from my first move, last year I finally sold my home for a nice profit.

Your daughter will probably be fine emotionally but you do need to consider the additional costs of renting a place while she goes to college. That 15% pay increase may turn into negative cash flow after paying for her own place.

 

[Clemson Fan]

I was born and raised on LI in Suffolk County. I used to play PAL ice hockey close to where you live. I left when I was 18 to go to school in SC at Clemson.

My parents were both public school teachers. When they retired they relocated to the SC upstate actually not too far from Clemson. With their NY teachers pensions they're able to live like kings there where the cost of living is so much less. Since they moved literally four of our other neighbors on LI have moved down to their same city in SC. When they visited and saw what kind of a home they could get and what the property taxes were like they were sold. We went there for Thanksgiving this year and I literally hung out with 3 of my friends that I grew up with on LI as we were all visiting our parents.

We still have family on LI and we go there to visit. We just went there this summer and our whole family rented a large house and had a blast. Hawaiian actually has a direct flight now to JFK, but I digress.

Raleigh and the research triangle is a great area! There aren't many other areas in the country that would be better to relocate to. Your daughter can transfer to some really good universities and there's plenty of good public schools in that area for your son.

If it were me, I would make the move.

 

[Bucky]

It's really all about the family Joe.

We've lived in the Raleigh area for almost 23 yrs now since moving here from Southern CA. The changes we encountered are far less than what most people moving here now will. Raleigh was indeed a kicked back slower pace of life place to live. But alas, all good things come to an end. Once we were named one of the best places in America to live, the transplants started to roll in. We live in a subdivision with many transplants from the Northeast.

Those that we know, say they love it here and tell us they would have had to pay two or three times as much at least for a comparable home from where they moved. On the con, we also know a few that moved back home because of family or cultural shock! It's hard to move away from family. Being that I'm retired military we didn't encounter that problem since we hadn't had the pleasure of living close to family for many years.

As far as housing goes, it's all about location, location, location. Housing was slow here for awhile, just like it was in most other areas of the country. But, once jobs picked up, so did housing sales. We never experienced the great housing appreciation that some other parts of the country did and we also didn't receive anywhere near the depreciation other areas did!

The weather here is great but some people have a harder time adjusting to it. Us having moved from S. Calif had a little harder time. Going from hardly any humidity to what we have here was like running into a brick wall. Once people move here they understand why the South is a more kicked back area. You have to be in order to breathe! Very high humidity here and couple that with high temps makes moving slower the choice of many. The good part of that is that we play golf down here year round! We have a few days every winter that it will touch the 30's but our winter months are usually in the 40-50 degree range. I believe our annual average snow fall is less than 7" and there are many years we get nothing.

Last but certainly not least is that people are just friendlier here! We smile and wave at people that we don't even know! When we first moved here I couldn't understand why perfect strangers were waving at me while I was driving down residential neighborhoods! It's just a way of life here. In CA we basically knew the people on either side of us but none of the others in the neighborhood. Here we know almost everyone on the block. People will drive by while I'm working outside and stop just to say hi!

Needless to say, we enjoy it here tremendously. When we moved here our daughter was just getting ready to start ninth grade. She adapted very easily. Kids are great, it's the parents that need some help.

I'd say go for it in a heartbeat but I'll also re emphasize its all about leaving family behind . Some can do it and some can't. Forgot to mention that another great feature is that you're only two hours from the beach or four hours from the mountains here.

Any questions about the area, please feel free to pm me. Good luck.

 

[UWSurfer]

This reply will be a bit off topic and probably no use to you, but that said like Bucky I'm from and still live in S.Cal and visited Charlotte for the first time last year for the Democratic National Convention. I made a couple trips there in the months leading up to the event last year and found the area spectacular and as Bucky noted the people generally friendlier than what I know here in LA. Just to confuse you all a bit more, I also attended the Republican National Convention in Tampa the week before. <g>

What I thought was funny was the only thing I knew about Raleigh was that it was the closest "big city" to "Mayberry" in the Andy Griffith show. Come to discover a little more than a year ago that "Mayberry" was actually a backlot set just 3 miles from where I live now here in LA. It also housed sets for Gomer Pyle, Hogan's Heroes and Gone With The Wind. Here's a link to some very interesting history of that lot, which was turned into a business park and many of those buildings now repurposed as sound stages for active TV production today. http://www.retroweb.com/40acres_tour.html

 

[Paumavista]

Small World

I was born and raised on LI in Suffolk County. I used to play PAL ice hockey close to where you live. I left when I was 18 to go to school in SC at Clemson.

My parents were both public school teachers. When they retired they relocated to the SC upstate actually not too far from Clemson. With their NY teachers pensions they're able to live like kings there where the cost of living is so much less.

Coincidence......I grew up in Suffolk county...my mom was a school teacher at Ridge Elementary School & I attended Longwood HS. We are now in Seneca SC right outside of Clemson on Lake Keowee. Judy

 

[Patri]

We were in your shoes 16 years ago. We moved 1,000 miles away and it turned out to be the best thing for everyone in our family.
I cried when I heard about the transfer, and called my parents. My mom thought it was a great opportunity and adventure and was excited for us. No sympathy there! Our oldest was in middle school, and thrived in his new school. The younger ones easily adapted.
As for your college daughter, she is old enough to either make it on her own in school, and visit on breaks like so many kids do, or she can transfer. But you should not hold back because of her. She is an adult and will be making her own life during these next couple years.
I was also sad to leave my friends, but made new ones. There are great people everywhere.
This is home now and we are all very happy.
(And if the parents want to move, that is great, but don't expect it. They may like to stay put in familiar surroundings, especially if they have lived there for a long time. The adage is not to follow your children around, because the children don't necessarily stay put. If you transfer in five years, could/should they move again?)

 

[MOXJO7282]

Thanks for all the positive details. I know it could be a wonderful new lifestyle but its been a tough sell to my daughter especially.

One thing I haven't mentioned is finances really aren't a major problem in the long run because we were given ownership of a popular diner and other properties in the Hamptons for tax purposes that currently my in-laws now live off the rent proceeds. If things really got bad for us they would have no problem helping us out and could in a big way.

My thing is I've never considered that into my plan of providing for my family's future. I've never taken one penny over the years, something I'm quite proud of, and something that has garnered me tremendous respect from my in-laws as well.

So without considering that future revenue stream the no-brainer decision would be to make the move. It would also be better for my in-laws to get to a warmer climate, something they've talked about a million times but never wanted to leave us, so even that could be a real positive for us and them to spend even more time together in a two family situation in a warmer climate.

The one major roadblock is my daughter-wife's relationship and not wanting to separate them right now. I'm hoping my daughter comes around and either decides she is ready to be on her own or would consider transferring to one of the many great schools near NC.

The other problem is I don't have much time to decide. Tomorrow I will get the official offer. My experience in these situations is you can't take too much time to decide because the longer you take it starts to be a negative.

I'm also not to keen on saying no to a promotion because my experience also tells me I could be labeled a persona non grata but I think under the circumstances where there is a relocation in mind hopefully that doesn't happen.

 

[Passepartout]

The other problem is I don't have much time to decide. Tomorrow I will get the official offer. My experience in these situations is you can't take too much time to decide because the longer you take it starts to be a negative.

I'm also not to keen on saying no to a promotion because my experience also tells me I could be labeled a persona non grata but I think under the circumstances where there is a relocation in mind hopefully that doesn't happen.

From the above statement, it appears you have little choice but to take the promotion and relocation.

Rest assured, your family will understand the reality of the situation and all will be well. Youngsters will grow up, get new friends, find schools and do fine.

While it may be a shock to your various systems for a while, the time will pass in a flash and you will wonder why you ever had any apprehension about it.

Don't burn any bridges right away. Sometimes keeping the family home on the 'old' location for a time is the best way forward. Sometimes families have to separate and have a 'commuter' relationship for a trial period while you try out the new job and location. This too will pass. Your family understands far more than you think they do.

All the best.

Jim

 

[vacationhopeful]

Joe,
This is a decision YOU and the WIFE must make for the family's longterm benefit and your own life's goals. Your 19 yo teenager will still have extended family ties in the area (her grandparents and other friends & family). And being that this is late January, it is unlikely you would be moving your (intact) household to NC before mid-June.

As for "selling" it to your daughter, since when has she been paying the household bills and providing the retirement funding? How would that statement "play" out with your manager? Surely, she had had other friends whose parents took job transfers to a different part of the US (or another country). Why are you seeking "her permission"? You are giving her WAY too much power. Make a "plan" to financially support her (if that is YOUR goal) thru her undergraduate college (limited) years.

ADDED: I was the 2nd child in a family of 5 kids. I was the one who packed out to a college 1,000 miles from home - but I also had summer live-away jobs since I finished 9th grade. I took my first plane flight ALONE after I figured out HOW to book an airplane ticket & paid for it by myself. That was Spring, 1970 and I was not 18yo.

 

[BocaBum99]

I would do it for the following reasons.

1) a move from Manhattan/Long Island to North Carolina is a natural move for people who want to retire. You will buy a home there and even if you move back to the City, it would be nice to have a second home/ retirement home there. Raleigh is very nice. Nothing like having an employer pay for your relocation.

2) your daughter needs to be on her own. She will be more independent if you aren't around. That is actually good for her. You will be close. Only about 500 miles away. That's an easy one day drive. She can visit any time she wants.

3) you will add new experiences you never had before and you won't lose your old ones. You can always go back to New York whenever you want. You will actually like New York more because you will do things you never did as a local.

 

[UWSurfer]

A bit more on topic....

We moved across town several years ago when my boys were 15 & 18. The move was to a family owned home that was an attractive deal, located just 6 miles from my office. The old house was a 30 mile (& 70 - 90 minute) drive each way. Most days now I ride a bike to work.

The 18 y/o fought it & tried to stay in our old home town as that's where his friends were. The 15 y/o's (twins) actually came out ahead moving to a better public high school where they flourished, graduated and continued on with their lives.

Now 21 & 24, the twins separately moved to Austin, TX with significant others and are working and productive. The 24 y/o bounced around a bit and ended up living with a g/f and working a reasonable job with a call center near LAX. That company is opening a new office in Indianapolis and he is relocating there in a couple weeks.

It amazing how quickly that time flew by and they have all moved on with their lives. While not as far a move, the issues were very similar and in the end the move was positive for us all.

 

[ricoba]

.... Here's a link to some very interesting history of that lot, which was turned into a business park and many of those buildings now repurposed as sound stages for active TV production today. http://www.retroweb.com/40acres_tour.html

thanks for this interesting site and info - even though it's way off the topic, I found the story of the old RKO backlot intersting.

to the OP, I don't have nay dog in the fight or any experience with LI or NC, but I tend to agree with others that the move may be more of a positive than a negative.

 

[pittle]

I would do it for the following reasons.

1) a move from Manhattan/Long Island to North Carolina is a natural move for people who want to retire. You will buy a home there and even if you move back to the City, it would be nice to have a second home/ retirement home there. Raleigh is very nice. Nothing like having an employer pay for your relocation.

2) your daughter needs to be on her own. She will be more independent if you aren't around. That is actually good for her. You will be close. Only about 500 miles away. That's an easy one day drive. She can visit any time she wants.

3) you will add new experiences you never had before and you won't lose your old ones. You can always go back to New York whenever you want. You will actually like New York more because you will do things you never did as a local.

This is great advice.

We did not have daughters, but 2 sons, and we told them that they HAD to go to college in a different town from where we lived and needed to live in a dorm at least one year so that they could meet every kind of person that they ever would. This was one of the best things we did for them because they had to learn to cope on their own. They could call when they needed advice, but soon learned to try doing things by themselves before calling.

Even though the mother/daughter relationships are generally closer, sooner or later they will grow up and start doing their own thing. Once they are in college, it is closer to time to loosen the apron strings.

I have a brother who moved his family to the suburbs of Raleigh about 20 years ago and they love it. The only place they would consider moving to now is Myrtle Beach where they have a condo.

American and US Air have many flights to/from Raleigh. A few years ago, my flight to STL stopped at Raleigh for London. Southwest also flies there now too.

 

[Clemson Fan]

My parents would not allow myself, my brother or my sister stay at home for college. They demanded we go away for college. It wasn't because they didn't love us, it was because they did love us and they wanted us to learn how to live independently. We were still welcomed home for the summer and holidays.

Frankly, in their and my experience, people they knew and my friends who continued to live at home for college had a much harder time making the transition into the "real" world and there are quite a few of them that never made the transition and are stuck in dead end jobs still talking about the good old days in High School.

 

[jackio]

Good luck with your decision. My family are born-and-bred Long Islanders. My brother was transferred to Charlotte NC a few years ago. They were able to build a beautiful home that they never could have afforded here, and their real estate taxes were super low. They too moved to a community with a lot of transplanted Northerners. My brother found that men have an easier time making friends. He said that if you can talk sports you can pretty much talk to any man anywhere. My SIL found it harder, as did their 12 year old daughter. Their 10 year old son flourished, and made friends first through joining sports teams, then at school. My niece found it hard to break into the middle school cliques, but that would be the case in any town in the country.
Their baby got very sick and had to be hospitalized. That brought home the fact that they were 10 hrs. away from any family and it was hard.
They ended up moving back because my SIL was miserable. They can never afford the type of house they had there, but she said it's overrated.

However, your daughter is older. The chances are good that she will not be living on Long Island after she graduates. The job market is bad and the cost of living is high. If she didn't commute to school, I would say it wouldn't even be an issue because kids are not home that often if they dorm. Can she stay with someone to finish her 2nd year of school and then transfer to a college in NC?

Best of luck to you. - Jacki

 

[jackio]

Coincidence......I grew up in Suffolk county...my mom was a school teacher at Ridge Elementary School & I attended Longwood HS. We are now in Seneca SC right outside of Clemson on Lake Keowee. Judy

Small world. My brother is a guidance counselor at Longwood, and I work at William Floyd.

 

[Clemson Fan]

Coincidence......I grew up in Suffolk county...my mom was a school teacher at Ridge Elementary School & I attended Longwood HS. We are now in Seneca SC right outside of Clemson on Lake Keowee. Judy

My father was a Social Studies teacher for 32 years at Sachem. My mom taught English and ESL, but she took 16 years off to raise us. They now live, along with half of our LI neighborhood, in Anderson, SC. They travel all around the world each year as well as coming to Hawaii 2-4 times a year. They sold the house I grew up in about 10 years ago for 375k (they bought it 35 years earlier for 18k) and they bought a home in SC that is twice as nice for 170k. Their property taxes on LI were like 1k/month and now I don't even think they're 1k/year.