Why are some people so angry?

[tabby1881]

I had a nasty experience this evening. I'm still shaking over it. I was driving through the mall parking lot going to pick up my daughter at work. She gets out at 9:00. I came to the end of the row and hesitated for a moment deciding on which way to go to wait for her. I didn't realize that a car had come up right behind me. Honestly, I hesitated for just a few seconds. The driver in back of me blew his horn and waved his hands at me. I was so startled that I didn't move quick enough for him. He backed up to go around so I opened my window to wave him around me and I tried to apologize as he passed me. Well the young man and his passenger wanted none of that. They were too busy calling me a _____ ______ and what was wrong with me and that I am a ________. Fill in the most common bad words that young men seem to adore lately. Honestly, I didn't do anything wrong. Why did they feel the need to scream at me, a forty something woman, as I tried to apologize? I'm not downplaying my actions. I put on a cheerful face as they pulled next to me and tried to nicely apologize. Why does this bother me so much? Sorry to be whiney.

 

[Rose Pink]

You're not whiney. Those kinds of encounter can be downright frightening. I suspect it is too much teenage hormones (testosterone can make one angry) and maybe they had also had a bad encounter with someone else. I'd just be thankful that it ended without gunplay as that seems to be becoming more frequent.

Take consolation in the law of the harvest, karma or whatever you want to call it. They'll get theirs someday and then they will feel bad about what they did. It may take a few decades for them to see it, but eventually they will. Some young man will probably treat them the same way when they are older. And then there are the girls that may be treating them badly today.

Time will ease your pain and confusion. I find that being extra nice to others will also help me get over these situations. Just pay it forward and someday you'll get great things coming your way. I can't say it enough, gratitude opens the door to tranquility.

Hugs from me to you.

 

[tabby1881]

Rose Pink,
Thank you for your kind words. I couldn't even talk about it to my family. They don't know it happened. I agree with you 100%. Thank you again! Your kindness is truly appreciated.

 

[falmouth3]

There's no explaining why some people go nuts over nothing. I can certainly understand why you're upset. There's really no way to avoid it since the boys' reaction was out of whack with the situation. I'm glad that nothing more came of it. The problem isn't with you, it's with them. Try to relax and forget about it.

Sue

 

[Jaybee]

Rose Pink...I completely agree with your answer. It's always painful and confusing to find yourself in such a negative situation, with no way to combat it. Not to worry, Tabby. Consider it over and gone Hugs... Jean

 

[Rose Pink]

Just finished watching "Flushed Away." What a funny flick. Humor can help you get in a better frame of mind. Helps me, anyway.

 

[DeniseM]

I don't think they were angry - that kind of arrogance and absolute disrespect is a way of life. They probably drove away laughing. I'm sorry it shook you up, but they aren't worth a second thought!

 

[CarolF]

I was recently abused by a very young, unknown driver for a similar incident.

I opened my car window, smiled sweetly, waved and said "Well hello there, how are you darling, I haven't seen you for ages, I'm in a bit of a hurry now but please give my regards to your family and tell them I'm looking forward to catching up next week".

I delighted in seeing his red face as I drove off.

 

[pcgirl54]

This happened to me coming home from work this week. I took a left turn on a main onto a side street and apparently the man in the red pickup truck on the side street waiting to turn left thought I should have stopped and given him the right of way because as I turned the corner he called me a name that I would not repeat to my family. This was a matter of seconds but I was so upset at the anger this person had and the what he said. I am early 50's and it happened so fast that I never saw the driver. It is frightening indeed and upsetting.

 

[chrisnwillie]

I don't think it's anger either.....I think it is rude, aggressive behavior that is a way of life.....almost an entitlement. I am in my mid fifties, and I see this behavior in New York EVERYDAY from young to old alike.

I was going thru the toll both the other day on the Henry Hudson Parkway and it goes from a half dozen tolls down to two lanes. I slowed coming out of the toll to wave the car to my right ahead of me, and it was a little old, short lady with white hair that could barely see over the steering wheel. As I waved her by, she stuck her hand out her window and gave me the finger. For what reason, I have no clue. Down the road, she got off at an exit and as I passed her, she mouth....________ ___.

These rude people come in all age groups.

 

[caribbeansun]

Really hard to say isn't it - I've always believed that others interrept our actions and react to them based on what they would have done to us had the situation been reversed. They expect that we mean the worst rather than something good or neutral for that matter. I was in business with partners that were like that and it's the only answer I could find to rationalize the way they treated me and others at the company.

My wife and I were sitting at a windowside table in Queenstown, NZ on our recent vacation enjoying a bottle of wine. We looked out at one point and there were two older ladies in a car stopped beside us at the traffic light outside the restaurant and they were signing - I turned to my wife and said something like "look they're signing - isn't it wonderful that somebody created a common language to allow people to communicate" at which point they both gave us the finger and drove off - okay that wasn't what I had in mind...

 

[Rose Pink]

The important thing, for me, is not to become one of them. I certainly feel like it at times, though.

Whether it's anger due to a misunderstanding or simply one's usual attitude and demeanor, you need to get over it. Your tug friends are here for you. Hope today brings you sunshine and flowers. (And if it doesn't, go buy some for yourself.)

 

[rapmarks]

This is typical behavior in Florida, where half the people are in a big hurry and the other half are in no hurry at all. Imagine being that person who lets the littlest things bother them that much.

 

[johnmfaeth]

It's sad that we claim to be one of the more religious nations yet treat each other in such ways rather than truly live our convictions.

We can all do this at times to variious extents, not just driving, but in our interactions with people in general.

The National Safety Council Defensive Driver Course stresses the importance of remembering that you don't know what the other driver is going through. Maybe he just got a call that his kid is sick at home.

I find when driving at tunnel or bridges where the lanes are merging that a slight nod of the head while gesturing forward will often bring a smile to the face of the person driving next to me who I know is ready to play "death match" to get ahead of me. (I love NY )

And when life is throwing the proverbial stuff at me, before I get too cranky, I try to remember the words of Mother Theresa "A problem is a child in a wheelchair, you have no problems, only small gifts and large gifts..." By gifts she meant lifes temporary challenges.

I'm a long way from perfect, but occassionally, this helps me be less imperfect.

 

[nicklinneh]

Be very careful not to frighten people too much if you get very angry!
A while back a woman cut off another in traffic. The other one got mad, passed her, kept signaling for her to pull over, and finally ran her onto the shoulder; then she came huffing and puffing back to tell-off (or rough-up, who knows) the first one. Woman one was so scared that she pulled her gun and shot her through the windshield; then she called the police on her phone.
Naturally, that one is sewing mail-bags now; but the other one is lying in her grave, because she had to have her say. TRUE STORY. --ken

 

[susieq]

Tabby,

I'm so sorry you had to put up with this... but I certainly agree with some others here ...... it's THEIR problem, not yours, so don't give it a second thought! Just remember, what goes around, comes around!! May take a bit, but they'll get theirs! Forget about it ~ it's not worth your time!

On a brighter note ~~ Have a Great Mother's Day!!

Sue

 

[tabby1881]

Thank you for all of your kind words. I'm not alone I see. I feel better today. I'm still going to continue being nice to as many people as possible. Win some, lose some. Those of you who said that imagine what it is like being someone who gets so upset over things like having to wait 30 more seconds then they want to. It most be tough being around those people, too! Thank you everyone! You made me feel much better! I'm glad that was the worst of my worries.

 

[mamiecarter]

Unhappy people act irationally

This jerk was just taking his frustratins out on you. Unfortunatly this kind of behavior has become much to common lately. Don't take it personally.

 

[sfwilshire]

I have to admit that I get exasperated at times when I'm in a hurry and others who are in my way seem to be going nowhere for no apparent reason. I don't ever react as strongly as those in the original post, but I do get annoyed .... probably more so than the situation warrants. I guess it's just the stress of the day that gets me.

Sheila

 

[madherb]

While I certainly agree that the reaction of the young driver was excessive and rude, let's not lose sight of the cause. I assume you were driving slowly down the lane not paying any attention to the fact that there was anybody else around trying to go anywhere. You reach the end of the aisle and come to a complete stop to decide where to go next. You think it was just seconds and it probably was but why was it any time at all? When you are driving a car you need to think further ahead than the next intersection. You were in a familiar place doing something you do every day? I also pick my daughter up after work regularly and knowing where she works and what door she will come out I know where I want to wait.

The other driver had probably followed you for 1/2 the length of the aisle, frustrated that you were driving so slowly, then you came to a stop and just sat there because you didn't have anything to do. Since you didn't mention any traffic I can only assume the main aisle was clear and since you didn't know where you wanted to go next I assume no signal indicating you were going to do anything other than sit there. You only had 2 choices left or right and apparently it didn't matter.

As I said the other driver probably over-reacted but the fact is that you were in the wrong and were rude first. All he did was react to your behavior. He didn't want your apology. He wanted you to move like you are supposed to when driving a car.

Sorry if this is harsh but one of the problems I observe is people not following the rules of the road and then blaming others for not being understanding.

 

[camachinist]

Interesting handle

madherb

I've made my fair share of similar boo boo's (to the OP's) over the years. Took my lumps and moved on. No crunch of steel, no foul. Life is good

Pat

 

[CSB]

It's not just on the road that people can be so rude.

I was pregnant and in a long line at McDonald's years ago. Gave my order for the whole family and waited. Order finally came and I was looking over the order and noticed that it was not right. In the meantime the next person had ordered and I interupted to point out the mistake. A man in line started to yell at me and tell me how rude I was and how I am keeping older people in line waiting. I was so embarrassed and I am afraid that I yelled back at him.

This was years ago and I still think of that moment and how I should not have yelled back. I still cannot understand how someone could yell at a pregnant women like that.

Tabby, you did nothing that merits such treatment. Just try to forget about it.

 

[Mel]

The other driver had probably followed you for 1/2 the length of the aisle, frustrated that you were driving so slowly, then you came to a stop and just sat there because you didn't have anything to do. Since you didn't mention any traffic I can only assume the main aisle was clear and since you didn't know where you wanted to go next I assume no signal indicating you were going to do anything other than sit there. You only had 2 choices left or right and apparently it didn't matter.

They were in a mall parking lot. The other driver had no way of knowing why she was there - for all he knew she was trying to find a specific entrance to a specific store. He had no way of know whether she was familiar with this mall or not.

Perhaps Tabby should have been more aware of her surroundings, and known ahead of time which way she was going to turn, but she was not in the wrong. Now, if she had parked herself in the middle of the aisle, with no room to move around her, the other driver's behavior might have been warranted, but she did not.

I have seen the same type of behavior when I have insisted on coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, or if turning Right on Red. I really love the ones who honk at you because you choose not to turn Right on Red because you're staring at a sign saying not to do so (and it's in a position where you know the other driver can see it too). I've pulled to the shoulder to let a amubulance get through the intersection, only to have the car behind be pull around and block the way.

I am resigned to the fact that their rage is their problem, and won't let it become mine. If they get that angry over something so trivial, the rest of their life must be awful indeed.

 

[frankhi]

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[Blues]

There's really only one traffic incident that I was in that still burns me up. It was about 30 years ago, and I still remember it vividly.

Christmas eve, and like almost every other male on the planet, I was trying to get into the mall to do my Christmas shopping. It was completely blocked -- nobody going anywhere. Then, an ambulance came from around the corner, sirens blaring. While I couldn't get *into* the mall, I could move away from it, towards the curb, which I did, as required by law. The reaction of all the other drivers? They immediately crowded into the space I had vacated, blocking the ambulance.

It really burned me up that, with someone's life on the line, most people were still worried about how to save a minute getting into the mall.

It just goes to show that incivility is not a recent phenomenon.