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When you take friends on vacation

We went to a very nice dinner with other 2 couples we'd met at our ts and had met years before there too. Our mistake was to not ask for seperate checks... as the one couple ordered top shelf drinks before and after, appetizers, dessert and the most expensive meals. BUT when the check came it was short after everyone put their $ in... and that couple who ordered so expensively let the 3rd couple make up the difference .

We have asked others for 1/2 our maint. fee upfront when others have shared our ts vacation ... giving them their own private room and br. Those who have gone loved our vacation location and fun.
 
geekette said:
to me, it's my 'fair cost'. this varies. I never figure in my membership fees/annual dues, just maint.

I own in a points system and sometimes rent things out, and often use saved points myself. I waive off offers to pay for saved points.

If I've had a good rental year, I go by my min rent rate, divide it by number of people, or number of bedrooms.

If I haven't made my costs back that year or don't expect to, I look at my "max ask rate", round or pound that down to a number I would feel comfortable asking as per person/per night rent. If I haven't made my nut, I'm not making it up off my friends and family, but I need their contribution.

If I used points to bank to exchange, I use mid-range points cost as above + exchange, divide by number of people.
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Thanks for the tips! After reading through all of the posts, it appears most people who invite friends/family to share their unit will have the full unit no matter what. That's not our case. If we were to invite another couple, it would mean we would not lock-off and therefore loose the income from renting the unit. I wish we could be more generous, but it's not possible at this time. :( We need to sell more vodka for that to happen. :)

Cheers!
 
A variation on the original post, but how would you go about stopping what had effectively become 'expected' by the friend. i.e. automatically assuming they would be coming on any timeshare exchange we arranged??

They have never come with us to our own resort - in the UK - but after they had joined us a couple of times abroad now assume they will be coming with us! We don't want to lose the friendship but we do want our independence back. All suggestions appreciated. :(
 
Keitht said:
A variation on the original post, but how would you go about stopping what had effectively become 'expected' by the friend. i.e. automatically assuming they would be coming on any timeshare exchange we arranged??

They have never come with us to our own resort - in the UK - but after they had joined us a couple of times abroad now assume they will be coming with us! We don't want to lose the friendship but we do want our independence back. All suggestions appreciated. :(
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Just don't invite them along. If you say you are going on a vacation using your timeshare, they shouldn't expect to be invited along. They should only accept if an invite is extended. If they do always expect to be invited, then I don't know what to say.
 
Keitht said:
A variation on the original post, but how would you go about stopping what had effectively become 'expected' by the friend. i.e. automatically assuming they would be coming on any timeshare exchange we arranged??

They have never come with us to our own resort - in the UK - but after they had joined us a couple of times abroad now assume they will be coming with us! We don't want to lose the friendship but we do want our independence back. All suggestions appreciated. :(
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Talk about the trip making it obvious that they are not being invited. If they then talk about it like they are, you make it even more obvious. If they then insist on being invited, tell them frankly that you want to be by yourselves, on this trip and other future trips. If you burst their "assumption" bubble, tell them plainly and nicely that you want your independence, would they still insist on coming?
 
Keitht said:
A variation on the original post, but how would you go about stopping what had effectively become 'expected' by the friend. i.e. automatically assuming they would be coming on any timeshare exchange we arranged??

They have never come with us to our own resort - in the UK - but after they had joined us a couple of times abroad now assume they will be coming with us! We don't want to lose the friendship but we do want our independence back. All suggestions appreciated. :(
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I would try the soft approach of talking about the upcoming trip as being such a wonderful "second honeymoon" or together time for you and your spouse. Then if they talk about joining you or making their transportation plans, you can re-emphasize and refer back to the fact that this is a special trip for the two of you. You could then suggest that the other couple also enjoy a special trip - just the two of them to somewhere they wish to visit - like you are planning. At this point, they should understand that they are not welcome this time. Then, when you return, you could talk about how much you enjoyed your time alone and like being able to go off by yourselves, and then come back to good friends and get togethers at home...:whoopie:
 
I too would take the soft approach; sounds like you don't want to lose their friendship. Perhaps they are talking about the vacation as if they are going along too without you having said anything? That would be a hard one.

I think I would say something along these lines, "Oh (insert name), we enjoyed having you with us so much last year; we had such a good time. But I think this year we are going to go by ourselves. We need some time with just the two of us." Friends should understand that and not be hurt.

But, then, next year, you may run into the same problem. And I would say basically the same thing as above, that you really need time together with just the two of you. And you might at the same time talk about some local activities with this other couple to reassure them that you do, indeed, want to spend time with them (if that is the case).
 
Yes, I agree - tell them your life has been so hectic you and your DW really need time to connect, just yourselves. If your friend gets pushy, tell him DW says she needs some romantic alone time. Do tell your DW you will say that though so she isn't blindsided :D
 
Good Grief!

This thread is getting stranger and stranger. People are advocating making up stories to tell past 'friends' and family whom they have hosted that they won't do it again. OK, if they are 'friends', and family, level with them. Simply say you are no longer able to wholly support their vacation habit. It was good while it lasted, but those times have passed. True friends will understand. Family members, whom you have to remember, you don't get to choose, may not understand, but they will still be family. You have to live with yourself first.

Jim Ricks
 
Years ago we owned a three bedroom in PV Mexico and would be asked by friends if they could go with us. They understood it was cheaper for them and they could have fun there with us. Great thought!:ponder:

We felt bad about asking for money so they would agree to pay for half the food and in most cases take us out one night for dinner. After having other friends tell me I was being to easy on these free loaders I started to charge them the price of my wife's air fair which was still cheap.:crash:

The last year we took someone my boss [FRIEND} asked if they could join us next year and I said yes and explained the charge. Air fair was only like $230 round trip and my boss gives me a check for $500. I gave it back telling him I only wanted the money for one person.

Problem happened when my best friend decided after talking to his wife that they wanted to go also so this was really going to be a fun trip.:hysterical:

Next thing I know he is mad because as friends he shouldn't have to pay anything. I explained that we had condo payment and maintenence fee's to pay each year. Also that since we went through RCI back then they saved us a lot of money on air fair. It didn't matter and he refused to go.
Some other friend asked and had no problem with paying small fee and sharing expenses.
My friend's wife was all over him for getting mad and not paying us anything and thought deal was great.

Sometimes timeshare ownership and friends just don't mix unless you give them free trip. This guy was my best friend and best man at our wedding and this ended our friendship! :rolleyes:

PHILL12
 
It's interesting how some people feel entitled while others wouldn't dream of taking advantage.
 
Keith said he and his wife wanted independence from others on the trip. So I did not think telling other people they wanted to spend time only with each other as a made up story. I thought it was the truth.

My DH and I have been in that position too. It's very difficuilt when good friends invite themselves along, and it's not what you want. Hope it works out well for you.
 
I find it awkward to ask family & friends for reimbursement. I recognize that my family spends a disproportionate and excessive percent of our annual budget on vacations comparatively speaking. My wife and I cut back in many other areas to be able to afford to continue to do so. While I consider our vacation costs to be an extremely great deal, most folks we know would not take 7 nights, plan trips so far in advance and stay in this size of accommodation otherwise. I've never asked for anything more than my cost, but still it is not fun asking for their check. One time, I got tired of dropping hints about my cost, so I just figured he assumed it was a gift and dismissed it. When his wife discovered a month after their fabulous vacation that he never paid me be back the amount we had agreed on, she got SO MAD at him! She called us embarrassed and upset that we didn't let her know how he had stiffed us. We got a check with a small gift the very next day along his apology letter. Anyways, I'm always prepared to just give a friend their money back with no hard feelings if they cancel or complain. Even worse, I don't like it when I get family member a great deal and they act like they're doing me the favor by paying me back. No good deed goes unpunished. I'd rather just give them the week, then deal with all the drama.

To avoid future expectations, we try to only extend invitations on existing reservations as the travel dates approach. It is much easier for us to book two units on an upcoming trip and figure out who we will invite to join us later. I find people are much more excited and appreciative to the gesture when you ask them last minute, rather than many months in advance.
 
You folks all sound like such nice, generous people. Invite me and DW, and if we accept your offer, we'll share kitchen duties and spring for a couple of meals during the week. Contingent on fitting in with all the offers we get of course. Thanks in advance. :) ;) :rolleyes:

Jim Ricks
 
We make our guests pay to stay. They are provided their own one bed unit for cost. Sharing rooms sometimes creates an unrelaxed atmosphere.

We do take our kids and grandkids to places and try to have everyone in their own unit. We pay for this.

I would have to charge you double Mr. Ricks. Nice try though. lol
 
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Take friends is an invitation?

The discussion seems to involve 3 different situations: 1) inviting friends/family as your guests; 2) inviting friends/family to join you in your TS 3) friends/family asking or expecting to be invited. My expectation or response is different in each case: 1) guests do not pay to occupy the unit; 2) friends contribute a fair portion of costs; 3) depends :rolleyes:
 
id say dont pay for their food/activities..

a bunch of the destination club members here (and on a previous forum) use this method - let people know when theyre going, and whoever shows up shows up (obviously limited to number of BRs, and with destination clubs its an average of say 4BR)

im kind of hoping to find someone to travel with for 2 upcoming trips (ridiculously expensive, but might be rare opportunities) and also planning to talk to a specific person i know about a 3rd trip next summer. in that case they have access to something im interested in, so im going to see if i can offer something of interest to them.
 
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DonM said:
I'm a bit confused, are these your friends or acquaintance's? You state friends in the title, but then you act like they're not friends- expecting them to pay you something because you traded your entire 2 bedroom at another location (plus paying the maintenance fee and transfer fee!!)

Don't you value the pleasure of their company?

If you can't afford to ask them to join you without having them pay some part, then you should either not invite them, or discuss the financial terms ahead of time.

Doing neither and complaining about it later makes you look petty.
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While I wouldn't complain about past experiences, I would hope for some sort of reciprocation.

I value the pleasure of the company of friends, but I would hope they value my company enough to take me out to dinner one of the nights of our vacation, or to offer to pay for the groceries. Friendship is usually a two-way street. Obviously if you are friends with someone who can't afford to reciprocate, you take them on vacation as your guests. But if they can afford to reciprocate, and simply choose not to, it does bring into the question the value of the friendship.

I would discuss the financial terms of future vacations ahead of time. If they don't want to pay a fair share going forward, that will be their choice. If they are offended by you asking them to pay, perhaps they are not the friends you thought they were.
 
Passepartout said:
This thread is getting stranger and stranger. People are advocating making up stories to tell past 'friends' and family whom they have hosted that they won't do it again. OK, if they are 'friends', and family, level with them. Simply say you are no longer able to wholly support their vacation habit. It was good while it lasted, but those times have passed. True friends will understand. Family members, whom you have to remember, you don't get to choose, may not understand, but they will still be family. You have to live with yourself first.

Jim Ricks
Click to expand...

I don't consider it a made up story to say that you wish to spend alone time with your spouse !?! maybe stating it as a second honeymoon might stretch it, but maybe they might like to think of an overseas, expensive vacation in this way. And the poster I was directing my answer to was saying they wanted to travel without the friends anymore. I advocated a soft approach that was true but gentle and emphasized the fact that they didn't want their friends to assume they could come every year, as opposed to your more direct advice to address the cost factor head on. (which didn't seem to be their main problem.) Also, I believe that saying - you no longer wish to support someone's vacation habit and that it was good while it lasted, but those times have passed - would be offensive to even "true friends." Maybe it is just the words you use here in the thread...I agree that true friends should understand that they can't always travel for free. ;)
 
1. For guests who are truly "guests" (whether friends or relatives), its on your dime.
You're the host. If they don't pay for anything, don't get your nose-out-of-joint.

2. For friends or relatives who you invite along on a joint adventure, no mooching.
They share in the expenses, after fair warning.

You need to be clear if its #1 or #2. Its confusing the two that causes hard feelings.

3. To those with expectations, I say, "I'm sorry, but we're not inviting anyone this year,"
far enuff in advance for them to make other arrangements.

4. For bosses and their friends, may God help you.
 
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scrapngen said:
I don't consider it a made up story to say that you wish to spend alone time with your spouse !?!
Click to expand...

Agreed, we all can use 'more' quality time with our spouse... :)

Good thread all! I've enjoyed reading this one.
 
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