I too am so sorry to hear of your situation. My thoughts are with you.
When my mom died a few years ago she was cremated. Per her request we spread her ashes over my brother's grave (he died before I was born). A few months later my grandmother, my mom's mom, died as well. Her ashes also went on top of my brother's grave. I have no doubt that that is where my father, when his time comes, will choose to go to. We did take the "don't ask, don't tell" approach with the cemetary but it's very unlikely the man on duty didn't know exactly what was happening either.
Please do know - otherwise it can be quite a shock - that the ashes are not exactly ashes and there's quite an amount of them to deal with.
When my father-in-law died, also a few years back, the family decided to more or less float the container containing his ashes out to the ocean off of a small point near a palce where they'd all vacationed many times as a young family. The thought was good but well, I strongly suggest doing something like that while in a boat in deep water instead.
Generally, it is against the law to dispose of remains outside a designated area (ie: cemetary). You really do need to take a "don't ask, don't tell" approach but also know that if you are respectful and thinking about what you are doing and where you are, poeple will tend to look the other way out of respect as well.
One last thing, you need not rush into anything right now, either for your daughter or yourselves. If cremation is the choice, then have it done and then take whatever time you need to decided exactly what you'd like to do to honor your daughter's life.
When my mom died a few years ago she was cremated. Per her request we spread her ashes over my brother's grave (he died before I was born). A few months later my grandmother, my mom's mom, died as well. Her ashes also went on top of my brother's grave. I have no doubt that that is where my father, when his time comes, will choose to go to. We did take the "don't ask, don't tell" approach with the cemetary but it's very unlikely the man on duty didn't know exactly what was happening either.
Please do know - otherwise it can be quite a shock - that the ashes are not exactly ashes and there's quite an amount of them to deal with.
When my father-in-law died, also a few years back, the family decided to more or less float the container containing his ashes out to the ocean off of a small point near a palce where they'd all vacationed many times as a young family. The thought was good but well, I strongly suggest doing something like that while in a boat in deep water instead.
Generally, it is against the law to dispose of remains outside a designated area (ie: cemetary). You really do need to take a "don't ask, don't tell" approach but also know that if you are respectful and thinking about what you are doing and where you are, poeple will tend to look the other way out of respect as well.
One last thing, you need not rush into anything right now, either for your daughter or yourselves. If cremation is the choice, then have it done and then take whatever time you need to decided exactly what you'd like to do to honor your daughter's life.
