geekette said:
It would be quite inappropriate for the parents of this daughter to INSIST on seeing her fiance's divorce decree. They have no right to demand such private information.
Gad has plenty of other good questions for the daughter, but I can't imagine leaving her career to take care of the stepkids. BUT, something could happen to the mother, and, well, you never know. Good thought-provokers for DD. These are certainly the kinds of things my father would have asked me to consider.
However, I am completely against telling your daughters that they better get married before they're 29 or you won't help pay for their weddings. Not everyone finds their way in life early on and can sock away THOUSANDS while paying for college debt. Many people never have a high-paying career at all.
The DD should see the divorce decree, sorry I wasn't clear on that. It is essential to be truthful and open with each other. She might have debts he doesn't know about. This being truthful applies to BOTH parties equally. Perhaps pull credit reports on each other, in this day and age. If either party say, has a bankruptcy, know upfront that it is going to affect their abilty to get credit and have a plan to deal with it.
Most college debt is totally avoidable--but many kids don't want to live at home (not cool, doncha know), don't want to go to fully-accredited but not glamorous El Cheapo State. No sympathy there. (I am excluding law, medical and other truly expensive degrees. No excuse for your basic Liberal Arts type debt). Even with a low-paying job, if you manage your money properly and look into things like "work-study" programs, you can pay for a college degree and not go into debt.
As far staying home to take care of stepkids, not to knock the guy, but many guys do not really want anything to do with the day-to-day care of young children, at least not until they are fully potty-trained (is DD looking forward to changing diapers?)--that's why they often don't seek custody until the kids are closer to high school age, when they won't have any responsibility of that type (just my observations, not meant to offend any of the Real Dads out there, btw). Who's going to be taking them to doctor and dental appointments, etc.? In other words, some guys just want to get married to have a live-in babysitter, just as some gals want a sugar daddy.
Who's making more money? The person who makes less should stay home, whatever the sex, unless the benefits at the lower-paying job are better. It is not cheap to put kids in daycare--by the time you add up costs to go to work, one party may find that it doesn't pay to go to work until all the children are in school. DD has to be prepared for that possibility or for him to stay home while she's working, or perhaps to work different shifts, so that there is always a family member home. It certainly doesn't sound like there will be family help on either side in the babysitting department.
