We hired a professional organizer

[MuranoJo]

Now we have a new rule: the exchange. Whenever we bring in something new (other than food) we have to remove something from the house. They don't have to be similar items, just one for one.

This is the one thing I wish I could convince DH to adopt. Unfortunately--and this runs in his family--everything is sentimental or may be needed in the future, and he has a hard time tossing or giving anything away. The one exception is old clothing he no longer fits. I am tempted to hire a pro organizer and move him/her on to other family members when they're done with us. Sad thing is, I know what to do--but maybe he'd listen to someone from the outside.

Here's the 'real' issue for me: What the heck would either of us do with the other's collections should something happen to one of us? Who needs that on top of the grief? I shudder to think what will happen when his mom passes.

 

[Rose Pink]

Now we have a new rule: the exchange. Whenever we bring in something new (other than food) we have to remove something from the house. They don't have to be similar items, just one for one.

I like that! I think I was stuck in the similar items routine. Sometimes you can have one category pared down with room to spare but can't bring in a similar item as there is nothing you need to part with---sooo---getting rid of something from a different category works and can start a cascade in that category, too. Like this very much. It freed me from thinking inside the box.

This is the one thing I wish I could convince DH to adopt. Unfortunately--and this runs in his family--everything is sentimental or may be needed in the future, and he has a hard time tossing or giving anything away. The one exception is old clothing he no longer fits. I am tempted to hire a pro organizer and move him/her on to other family members when they're done with us. Sad thing is, I know what to do--but maybe he'd listen to someone from the outside.

Here's the 'real' issue for me: What the heck would either of us do with the other's collections should something happen to one of us? Who needs that on top of the grief? I shudder to think what will happen when his mom passes.

DH's excess and clutter irks me, too, so I often remind myself that my areas need work. I am taking this year to work on my issues (meaning my office and that pile of boxes in the kitchen filled with pictures and who-knows-what). Then I can have a clear conscious to nudge DH. He holds onto a lot of stuff that he "might" need for his work such as old manuals for products that are no longer made but that some clients may still have and the new guys don't know how to fix/manage. When he retires, that stuff will go.

Also, my DD lives with us now that she is out of grad school and trying to pay off the debts from said education. She loves books and checks out stacks at a time from the library as well as buys dozens from the used book shelf. She does not get rid of any so all these books are being added to her collection. She just bought two new bookshelves. She and DH share the large room in the basement as office space. It also contains my pilates reformer but it is difficult to get to it because of all the other stuff. The room has narrow aisles through all the office furniture, etc. I don't even try to clean that room anymore. It's hard to dust clutter and maneuver a vacuum cleaner in tight spaces. So, I just don't worry about it.

This summer I am having a new "fence" built between my front and side yards. From the street it will look like any other garden wall. From the private side yard it will have doors that open to a narrow (about one foot deep) storage area where I can hang my garden tools. Then I will not have to enter the garage, either. The garage is filled with all sorts of stuff DH has gathered but hasn't had the time to organize. He and DS#1 work together to clean the garage now and then but DS has been in Italy for almost two years and it may be another before he comes to visit us. In the meantime, I just don't worry about DH's stuff in the basement or the garage. I just decided to "give" him those large spaces and stay away from them.

I feel much more at peace now that I have decided to work on my mess/projects and his are confined to areas where I do not have to tread. The only other area is our bedroom. If you are ever in an airport or hotel and see a balding guy with a HUGE suitcase, that is him. When he is home, said suitcase rests, open, on top of a card table that DH sets up in our bedroom. When he is out of town, I put the card table away in a closet. As long as I make the bed and keep the rest of the room clean, I can live with the large suitcase/table set-up when he is home. If I start to get upset, I remind myself that his work pays the bills and gives us perks such as FF miles and hotel stays and rental cars. I can live with one area of the bedroom looking less than pristine.

As to the death of a spouse, that is so painful to even think about and yet we must. It happens. DH and I have a long way to go. He brings in the income and I manage it. He wouldn't know how to pay the bills if something happened to me and I would be hard-pressed to manage financially if something happened to him. Yes, we have insurance but it will only go so far. I just hope it doesn't happen for a good long, long, long time. This year I am trying to do my share by getting the paperwork organized, including all those boxes. And... by crafting advanced directives (they all know what I want but it needs to be on paper and notarized).

There are always so many projects to do and here I sit typing away on TUG. :hysterical:

 

[glypnirsgirl]

Earlier in the thread, we talked about being blind to one's own clutter. And it is absolutely true.

The office was a mutual clutter zone. Ian thought that the workroom - where he does projects and I do needlework - was all my clutter. It took us about 2 hours to sort through and organize all of my projects, supplies, tools and paraphernalia. It took another hour to put up the elfa utility boards to make everything accessible. Completely finished in three hours.

After I organized my work space --- and he hung the elfa for me as part of my Christmas present, I was finished with my stuff in the workroom.

Last week while the organizer was here, I went on to the master bedroom to work without her. Last week, the organizer and Ian still worked on his part of the workroom. And he spent all week working on it. It has taken him more than 20 hours to organize his side of the workroom -- and now it is done and it looks great. (So great that the organizer took pictures of how he had set up the space. It was the first time that she has taken pictures in our house. Ian asked if she had taken "before" pictures --- she said it had not been bad enough to take before pictures --- but the workroom was so good looking and well organized, that she wanted pictures of it. Ian was proud of the work that he had done and rightly so).

Now, Ian is in the mode of working on his stuff. Today, while the organizer was here, he wanted to work on the garage. And, instead of me working on the master bedroom --- which we both recognize is my stuff --- he wanted me to help make decisions about my stuff in the garage.

So, for the last two hours, while the organizer was here, I was in the garage waiting to make a decision. We have now made the first purge pass on one half of the garage. When they started on the garage, I went to work on the master bedroom. Ian said, "Sweetie, I need you to stay here to make decisions." So, I did.

During that time, we came to 3 things that belong to me that we kept exactly where they were: a dive bag (for packing my scuba gear), 2 suitcases. One thing of mine that we gave to Goodwill: a hammock chair. And one thing that we moved: a container of Maxicrop (a liquid fertilizer that got moved to the other gardening stuff --- which is on the other side of the garage).

Ian honestly believed that I had as much stuff in the garage as he did. Not even close to true! On the other side, I have a bike, a rack of gardening equipment and two shelves of gardening "stuff." And I know he thinks that more than half of the other side is my stuff, too.

The master bedroom was and is almost all my stuff ... and it isn't done. Because I am working on the garage.

The organizer is great for keeping us on task. Because she gives us homework, we are making terrific progress. We spend more time working on our own than we do with her. And she is a good arbitrator or mediator. ... which just made me realize that there was some more stuff in the garage that belongs to me: a stack of empty buckets that the pool chlorine comes in. I save these for future gardening projects. When I elected to keep them instead of recycling them, Melinda had me make a deadline for myself as to when I would use them by (I chose April 30th) ... so now I am committed to getting rid of them if I don't use them.

Even though Ian and I are both blind (or at least near-sighted) to our own clutter, by dealing with each and every thing, we are making terrific progress. Before, Ian wanted to work on the organizing himself which meant getting rid of my stuff. With the organizer, he has to work on his stuff, too.

After the garage (mostly Ian's) and the patio (a toss-up), the rest of the spaces that we will be working on will almost all be my stuff: guest bath, master bath, and master bedroom.

I think that we have about 6 more weeks of work.

What has been amazing has been the fact that we have been able to keep everything together --- no backsliding.

elaine

 

[Beaglemom3]

This is such a wonderful thread.

I have to say that one thing that one of the "take aways" for me is that sometimes our "internal clutter" or feelings of "inward disarray -being at continuous loose ends" mirrors our external clutter, at least for me.

The more centered I am, the more effective I am in tossing sentimental items.

This thread has helped me to see this more clearly.




-

 

[Rose Pink]

...stuff in the garage that belongs to me: a stack of empty buckets that the pool chlorine comes in. I save these for future gardening projects. When I elected to keep them instead of recycling them, Melinda had me make a deadline for myself as to when I would use them by (I chose April 30th) ... so now I am committed to getting rid of them if I don't use them.

Oh, I like the deadline idea, too. Thanks!

 

[Rose Pink]

This is such a wonderful thread.

I have to say that one thing that one of the "take aways" for me is that sometimes our "internal clutter" or feelings of "inward disarray -being at continuous loose ends" mirrors our external clutter, at least for me.

The more centered I am, the more effective I am in tossing sentimental items.

This thread has helped me to see this more clearly.




-

Yes, and the more externally organized I am helps with the internal organization as well. For me, they seem to go hand in hand and I'm not always sure which one came first. Generally, it is easier for me to work on external clutter such as cleaning my desk off and then I can "see" more clearly how to address the internal chaos. It may work more the other way for some. For me, doing the physical helps organize the mental probably because I have to focus the mental in order to get the external accomplished. And now off to work on cleaning the living/dining room.

 

[Elan]

Anyone else experience this? I find myself being less organized than I typically would be, because when I walk into an area that my wife and I share (say master bath or WIC), I look at my area and think "Even if my stuff was perfectly organized, this area would still look like sh*t because of her stuff." In other words, we've collectively gotten ourselves into somewhat of a downward spiral.

 

[ace2000]

Anyone else experience this? I find myself being less organized than I typically would be, because when I walk into an area that my wife and I share (say master bath or WIC), I look at my area and think "Even if my stuff was perfectly organized, this area would still look like sh*t because of her stuff." In other words, we've collectively gotten ourselves into somewhat of a downward spiral.

TUG post of the day!

 

[glypnirsgirl]

I have to say that one thing that one of the "take aways" for me is that sometimes our "internal clutter" or feelings of "inward disarray -being at continuous loose ends" mirrors our external clutter, at least for me.

The more centered I am, the more effective I am in tossing sentimental items.

This thread has helped me to see this more clearly.


-

I think that this is so true! I think that it getting the external stuff under control helped me to get the internal stuff under control. And vice versa. It is a virtuous circle.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

Oh, I like the deadline idea, too. Thanks!

I liked it, too.

I am giving myself my own internal deadline on some of my clothes that I really like, but never wear. I still held onto several suits leftover from my trial attorney days that I really like. I am afraid that I will need one of them (for some reason --- we don't do jury trials in federal court much). One of those suits I haven't worn since Ann Richards was governor --- but it is my favorite!

I have told myself if I don't wear it by April 1st, it is going.

elaine

 

[glypnirsgirl]

Anyone else experience this? I find myself being less organized than I typically would be, because when I walk into an area that my wife and I share (say master bath or WIC), I look at my area and think "Even if my stuff was perfectly organized, this area would still look like sh*t because of her stuff." In other words, we've collectively gotten ourselves into somewhat of a downward spiral.

Oh, yeah! Ian and I both had this problem. We are probably equally messy/equally neat. But, because we saw the other person's clutter but not our own, we each got messier. That was the downward spiral.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

I liked it, too.

I am giving myself my own internal deadline on some of my clothes that I really like, but never wear. I still held onto several suits leftover from my trial attorney days that I really like. I am afraid that I will need one of them (for some reason --- we don't do jury trials in federal court much). One of those suits I haven't worn since Ann Richards was governor --- but it is my favorite!

I have told myself if I don't wear it by April 1st, it is going.

elaine

OMG! I just looked up when she was governor --- 1990 to 1995! That suit is going now!

 

[pjrose]

When clutter becomes hoarding...

. . . I still held onto several suits leftover from my trial attorney days that I really like. I am afraid that I will need one of them (for some reason --- we don't do jury trials in federal court much). One of those suits I haven't worn since Ann Richards was governor --- but it is my favorite!

. . .

OMG! I just looked up when she was governor --- 1990 to 1995! That suit is going now!

Someone I know well is a hoarder. Maybe not as much as a TV-show hoarder, but still can't get rid of anything, and seems oblivious to it. Just one example: said person has Pendleton and Harris tweed suits from the 40s through 60s that belonged to someone else, that will never fit, but that are supposedly worth something. Add to that various silk cocktail dresses made by dressmakers, and so forth. These are just the tip of the iceberg.

Said person's (SP) only offspring has been offered pretty much the contents of the large old house to sell on eBay, preferably while SP is still alive, because only SP knows what's valuable and what isn't. SP is not in physical condition to deal with it, and even so would be reminiscing too much to be able to deal with it efficiently, and doesn't want to deal with it efficiently.

Offspring started on the third floor and then discovered it was easier to buy stuff at auctions and sell that on eBay than to sort through the clutter.

So....eventually Offspring is still going to have to deal with it all, we hope not via the commotion of an auction, not having time to separate the valuable from the not.

 

[Patri]

A slow day, so I worked on a closet with lots of papers. Winnowed school supplies (no kids left at home, but I do use folders etc. sometimes). Created a big box to give away. Also organized mailing supplies (have lots more than I realized). Best thing - I can now shut the closet door.

 

[VegasBella]

Anyone else experience this? I find myself being less organized than I typically would be, because when I walk into an area that my wife and I share (say master bath or WIC), I look at my area and think "Even if my stuff was perfectly organized, this area would still look like sh*t because of her stuff." In other words, we've collectively gotten ourselves into somewhat of a downward spiral.

So true!

I play the blame game with my husband. In my head I'm the organized one and he's disorganized. But really, I just use his lack of organizational skills (he has some but needs improvement) to justify my clutter. I can and should do better.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

A slow day, so I worked on a closet with lots of papers. Winnowed school supplies (no kids left at home, but I do use folders etc. sometimes). Created a big box to give away. Also organized mailing supplies (have lots more than I realized). Best thing - I can now shut the closet door.

Victory! I think it is important to celebrate and enjoy those milestones.

I organized my stationery while we were doing the office. I now paper, envelopes, pens and stamps all in one place. I have a box of lovely engraved cards that one of my friends gave me years ago. I am ready to write written invitations to dinner!

 

[glypnirsgirl]

Future generations

I think that people hold on to some things because they believe that their kids will value them. One of the things that I have done as I have gone through things is to ask my son if he would like some things in the future. He is sentimental, but not a pack rat. He has only been interested in a few things.

For the most part, I am free to get rid of anything that I want to get rid of. Neither Ian nor I has been bad about wanting to keep something that the other wants to keep. We have been remarkably compatible in making decisions. Which has made the process so much more enjoyable.

We are working in the garage now. The only problem there is all the dust. It gets to my nose.

Back to work!

elaine

 

[Beaglemom3]

Today I am recycling/donating a lot of vintage Irish lace curtains that came down from my Grandmother and Mother (both from County Cork) as I cannot house 38 pairs of them, sad to say. I have some Rue de France ones from Newport and am on the fence with these.

So, I will keep the special ones and send the others to a crafting co-op in Haiti near where I volunteered (was on a medical team fixing cleft palates) and the rest to the Salvation Army.

The time has come to take them out of storage and into the light.

Feels good (with a twinge of sadness... )

Couldn't have made it this far without reading all the great posts here.


ETA: I've had these curtains for 10 years now as I kept them when I sold Mum's house.

 

[Rose Pink]

Back to work!

elaine

I went back to bed.:hysterical:

This evening I am trying to work on one of those boxes. How do you throw away Mother's Day cards? I've decided I don't need my old passports, though. Small (very small) victory.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

I went back to bed.:hysterical:

This evening I am trying to work on one of those boxes. How do you throw away Mother's Day cards? I've decided I don't need my old passports, though. Small (very small) victory.

Throwing away cards was one of the most difficult things that I did while organizing the office. For many years, I kept a hanging file folder that had all my birthday cards, mother's day cards, etc. The folder was THICK. What I realized is that I had not LOOKED at the cards, I only kept them. As I was purging, I read each one to see if there was anything that was "historical," in the cards. There wasn't. I ended up pitching them all.

If the cards had been hand-drawn or crafted, I would have saved them. But all of them were commercial cards that said how much my husband/child/sibling/parent love(d) me. I feel loved all of the time. I really don't need a card to tell me that I am loved. I know it. I was able to purge all of them.

I did that before I did the letters between my first husband and I. Based on the cards, I thought that I would have little of interest, but it turned out not to be true. There was tons of information that was extremely personal and valuable to my son. His dad and I divorced when he was about 9. He remembers the worst part of our marriage. He is looking forward to reading about the many happy years that we had before that.

If you need the cards to remember an event or an emotion or to feel loved, they have real value to you and you should keep them. If not, you may want to consider giving them up. Or, you could do a cost v. benefit analysis - the cost of the space v. the benefit of keeping them. It may be that the room that they take up is so small that it doesn't make a material change in the appearance of the room.

Good luck!

elaine

 

[pjrose]

Cards - fronts anyway - could go on free cycle for a crafter. Or to a teacher or day care center for collages.

 

[Rose Pink]

...If the cards had been hand-drawn or crafted, I would have saved them. But all of them were commercial cards that said how much my husband/child/sibling/parent love(d) me. I feel loved all of the time. I really don't need a card to tell me that I am loved. I know it. I was able to purge all of them.


elaine

Thank you! That's all I needed to hear.

Cards - fronts anyway - could go on free cycle for a crafter. Or to a teacher or day care center for collages.

I give mine to my sister who teaches at an elementary school. She uses them to teach various subjects. The cards add an art element to whatever project they are doing.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

Completely unrelated to organizing

My friend that died last summer did not have family with him in the last two weeks of his life - all of which were spent in ICU. I had his health care power of attorney. He had been fairly explicit in telling me the reason that he gave the POA to me. He said that his two sisters would pull the plug as soon as they could and that I would be deliberative in assessing whether or not he had a chance of getting better. He didn't want to be non-functional and he didn't want to be left on life support for longer than was necessary to see if he had a realistic chance of a meaningful life. He had a very minor fender bender accident late at night. The police stopped and he collapsed when he got out of the car to go back to them. They performed CPR and he was placed on a ventilator as soon as he got to the hospital. I went to be with him every day for the full two weeks usually spending hours with him.

I had to make the decision to take him off of the ventilator. It was a gut-wrenching and heart-breaking decision to have to make. I stayed with him while he died.

I have left very specific instructions with my sister that I do not want her to be with me if she ever has to make that decision. I know that she loves me and I love her enough that I do not want her going through the experience.

That talk is a hard talk to have with anyone. I believe that the more specific that you can be, the better.

elaine

 

[pjrose]

Very Much Related to Organizing

Elaine, you titled this Completely unrelated to organizing

. . . .

I have left very specific instructions with my sister that I do not want her to be with me if she ever has to make that decision. I know that she loves me and I love her enough that I do not want her going through the experience.

That talk is a hard talk to have with anyone. I believe that the more specific that you can be, the better.

elaine

Actually, this is very much related to organizing. It's not organizing STUFF, it's organizing your plans. Good for you, and thank you for sharing.

 

[Blues]

I had to make the decision to take him off of the ventilator. It was a gut-wrenching and heart-breaking decision to have to make. I stayed with him while he died.

Yes, that's a very gut wrenching decision; as it always should be.

I was at the hospital for a very long and emotional night when my sister died - until the next sunrise, actually. Her daughter (my niece), the older of her two kids, had the medical POA and made the decision. Unfortunately, my nephew didn't arrive from out of state until very late in the process. Although the decision was clear to those of us who had been around, he hadn't had time to acclimate to the fact that his mother was dying. It was a very, very difficult and emotional scene; one which has affected the relationship between the siblings to this day. But I don't know what more either of them could have done.

Elaine, you have my deepest sympathy for having to make such a difficult decision.

-Bob