Stay At Home Humor

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[clifffaith]

View attachment 88260

I had to “re-swirl” cupcake frosting once when Pip got up on the counter and decided that cats did indeed like cupcakes regardless of what his mother had told him the first time she shooed him away. I figured it was just family so served them anyway.

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[Talent312]

I had to “re-swirl” cupcake frosting once when Pip got up on the counter and decided that cats did indeed like cupcakes regardless of what his mother had told him the first time she shooed him away. I figured it was just family so served them anyway.

Once, our dog pulled a whole pizza out of the box.
She was dragging it across the floor by one piece.
We let her have that piece and ate the rest of the pizza.

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[BJRSanDiego]

I had to “re-swirl” cupcake frosting once when Pip got up on the counter and decided that cats did indeed like cupcakes regardless of what his mother had told him the first time she shooed him away. I figured it was just family so served them anyway.

When I was a child, my mother baked a loaf of banana bread to bring with us when we visited Grandma. As it was cooling, and unattended, our cat took a bite out of the top of the loaf. My mother attempted to salvage it by removing a bit more. When we arrived and Grandma's my mother told Granny that I had taken a bite out of it. I was sworn to secrecy. Ha ha

 

[AJCts411]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

[Talent312]

[Like] most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse....

Except when it's a hardware store, like Home Depot.
The very first time I entered a HD store, I thought, "This is heaven. I may never leave."

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Except when it's a hardware store, like Home Depot.
The very first time I entered a HD store, I thought, "This is heaven. I may never leave."

Speaking of Home Depot:

Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newlywed.​

​

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.​

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up, I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."​

​

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.​

​

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."​

 

[moonstone]

I may have posted this near Super Bowl weekend before -it is still funny.

~Diane

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[Tank]

 

[AJCts411]

A good friend of mine has 2 tickets for the 2024 Super Bowl, 50 yrd line box seats. He paid $5,000 each, he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place. It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Sheila she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

 

[pedro47]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

This is will be shared with the fellows during the Super Bowl Sunday. LOL

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[#1 Cowboys Fan]

A good friend of mine has 2 tickets for the 2024 Super Bowl, 50 yrd line box seats. He paid $5,000 each, he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place. It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Sheila she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

Good one !!!

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]