Stay At Home Humor

[Passepartout]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

How true.

 

[AJCts411]

A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on. Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.

“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.

“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.

A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.

“And for your other two wishes?”

Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!

 

[Tank]

 

[AJCts411]

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[emeryjre]

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, slipped past the "WARNING-DO NOT ENTER" sign, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly. So, this probably wasn't the same elephant.

 

[AJCts411]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[Passepartout]

I ordered a chicken from one website
And an egg from another one.
I'll let you know.

 

[PigsDad]

I ordered a chicken from one website
And an egg from another one.
I'll let you know.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do..."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?"(with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do.."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: --silence--

HUSBAND: (thought balloon) "Dammit"

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[fer829]

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[tombanjo]

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]