Stay At Home Humor

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[Tank]

 

[DaveNV]

Good thing babies have poor eyesight. This could be traumatic.

Dave

 

[Talent312]

View attachment 61105

Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?

 

[Ty1on]

Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?

I will.....

Manfred Mann took a lame and boring Blinded By the Light and knocked it out of the park.

 

[PamMo]

View attachment 61105

OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?

 

[Passepartout]

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.


Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.


Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.

“The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”
“Great, I’ll start later.”

Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.

If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks - "What the Hell is wrong with you?"


“I’m 85 and my body is full of aches and pains.”
“Well, I’m 85 and I feel like a newborn baby.”
“Really?”
“Yep, no teeth, no hair, and I just wet my pants.”

When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate one either.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.

If you see me talking to myself just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo".

I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
I’m ageing like milk. Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime.

Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

 

[Talent312]

OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?

The original lyric was:
"Cut loose like a deuce... Another runner in the night." - Bruce Springsteen
The "cut loose" part was changed to "revved up like a deuce" by Manfred Mann

-- Some say that "deuce" refers to "little deuce coup"
-- Sometimes heard as... "Wrapped up like a Douche." (2loud2oldmusic.com)

---------------
Manfred Mann's version was much better, but it was written by Bruce.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

Then there's the child who memorized a slightly different first verse to God Bless America:

God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with a light from a bulb.​

 

[Tank]

OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?

well that’s better then my guess what that line is
I’ve always sang ,,,,

Woke up like a douche , squirting in the night

Don’t ask me why, I have no idea, but that’s my line

 

[Passepartout]

 

[Tank]

Are we casting aspersions on Bruce Springsteen?

no i’m not, Manfred Mann’s the Classic

 

[moonstone]

~Diane

 

[DaveNV]

OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?

As I recall, the second line is "Revved up like a Deuce, another runner in the night."

(Reference to a '32 Ford, the Little Deuce Coupe of rock and roll fame. Hot Rod lovers will understand.)

Dave

 

[PrairieGirl]

Even funnier when you consider the OP.......

 

[Ty1on]

OMG! DH and I laughed out loud at this one. We have NO idea what the second line is! I’m guessing it’s not, “Woke up to a virgin in the middle of the night”?

Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Dave

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]