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Stay At Home Humor

Tank

TUG Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2014
Messages
2,990
Reaction score
6,937
Points
449
Location
Northern Ohio
Resorts Owned
HICV South Beach Myrtle Beach
HICV Lake Geneva
HICV Gatlinburg
HICV Orange Lake Kissemee
Isn’t that the truth
My brother owns a BMW
Threw me the key and said bring the car over when I was ready.
It’s a key fob and push putting start. Not a fan of these.
Couldn't get it started for nothing.
Here that stupid key fob had to go into the stealing wheel just like a key and turn on before hitting the start button.
How stupid is that!
 
Last edited:

T_R_Oglodyte

TUG Lifetime Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2005
Messages
16,113
Reaction score
8,063
Points
1,048
Location
Belly-View, WA
1. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head”.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass”.

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,a nurse said, “No change yet”.

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
 

DaveNV

TUG Review Crew: Expert
TUG Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
22,003
Reaction score
29,217
Points
1,348
Location
Mesquite, Nevada
Resorts Owned
Free Agent
I can remember when the new guy on a Navy Ship would be sent to get a Left Handed Crescent Wrench or Smoking Lamp Fluid.

50 feet of Chow Line. ;)

Dave
 

plpgma

TUG Member
Joined
Aug 22, 2015
Messages
2,570
Reaction score
6,331
Points
448
Location
MD
Resorts Owned
Wyndham Palm-Aire
1655473919881.png

Does anyone remember these prices (or even this menu set-up)? I do!
 

Passepartout

TUG Review Crew: Veteran
TUG Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2007
Messages
28,461
Reaction score
17,213
Points
1,299
Location
Twin Falls, Eye-Duh-Hoe
1655555863913.png
 
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