Stay At Home Humor

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[Passepartout]

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

 

[plpgma]

 

[pedro47]

View attachment 45224

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

To the OP.
Those statement above are so true. Now I'm wondering...Did I post a reply on TUG or did I send this to the Commander - in - Chief. LOL

 

[plpgma]

View attachment 45223

Ha ha ha! Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could. One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on. Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands. Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid! Boy does it ever!!!

 

[plpgma]

 

[Tank]

Ha ha ha! Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could. One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on. Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands. Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid! Boy does it ever!!!

That’s funny, life’s lessons! Only do that one time
Might dare the next buddy - bet you can’t pee on that fence from this spot.
Kids today are over protected, and will not experience real life as it’s meant to be.
Dave

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

 

[Tank]

 

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[DaveNV]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus’.

Dave

 

[plpgma]

That’s funny, life’s lessons! Only do that one time
Might dare the next buddy - bet you can’t pee on that fence from this spot.
Kids today are over protected, and will not experience real life as it’s meant to be.
Dave

One time indeed -- and live to tell the tale afterwards!

 

[spirit1]

Ha ha ha! Back in the day, when I lived in the sticks of Western PA, one had to make one's own fun whenever/however one could. One day my friends and I were just jaggin' around (that's Pittsburghese for messin' around) near some cow fields and wondered whether or not the fence was turned on. Instead of actually touching it with our hands, we decided to test it the exact same way that the dog is showing in the cartoon -- in other words, a way that is unique to guys with too much time on their hands. Fast forward to today -- I and my friends can state emphatically that electric current, no matter how low the voltage, travels extremely well in a liquid! Boy does it ever!!!

I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator. So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves? Mmmm?

 

[BJRSanDiego]

I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator. So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves? Mmmm?

Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor. Probably largely to the salt. But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters: https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth .
I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely. But I'm never going to try to find out.

 

[plpgma]

I just read this to my husband, a retired electrician.....he told me that the reason electricity travels so well in urine, is from all the chemicals....pure water is an insulator. So..tell us again...how were you guys entertaining yourselves? Mmmm?

Despite all the various alternative ways one can entertain oneself these days -- believe me, we were simple country boys of 10 or so who were bored and decided to relieve ourselves on the fence as a dare -- nothing more. Whatever chemicals exist or don't exist in urine is of no concern to me -- all I know is that, as soon as that jolt was felt, we KNEW without a doubt that the fence was on!

 

[plpgma]

Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor. Probably largely to the salt. But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters: https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth .
I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely. But I'm never going to try to find out.

Full disclosure -- I never said that I was electrocuted -- I only said that I have proof that voltage travels well in a liquid (in my case, a liquid comprised of urine). Electric cattle fences are very low voltage -- designed to keep the cattle and other creatures from investigating entry or escape. Any country boy or gal will know that all you have to do is lay your hand on an electric fence to see if it's active and all you'll get is a low voltage jolt -- similar to what you've gotten before in a science class -- not an electrocution jolt (a term which carries a much higher perception of damage to oneself).

With that being said, I stand before you as someone who took the dare and has lived to tell the tale. BJRSanDiego states the logical approach to such a dare: "But I'm never going to try to find out." Unfortunately, boys of 10 don't have a whole lot of logic to fall back on when there's a dare in the air!

All in all, it's now a fond childhood memory that always gets a laugh!

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[plpgma]

 

[Brett]

Your husband is correct that urine is a fairly good conductor. Probably largely to the salt. But whether or not it can electrocute you was tested by Myth Busters: https://go.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/videos/peeing-on-third-rail-minimyth .
I recall that their conclusion was that it would be unlikely. But I'm never going to try to find out.

I remember that mythbusters episode

 

[spirit1]

Full disclosure -- I never said that I was electrocuted -- I only said that I have proof that voltage travels well in a liquid (in my case, a liquid comprised of urine). Electric cattle fences are very low voltage -- designed to keep the cattle and other creatures from investigating entry or escape. Any country boy or gal will know that all you have to do is lay your hand on an electric fence to see if it's active and all you'll get is a low voltage jolt -- similar to what you've gotten before in a science class -- not an electrocution jolt (a term which carries a much higher perception of damage to oneself).

With that being said, I stand before you as someone who took the dare and has lived to tell the tale. BJRSanDiego states the logical approach to such a dare: "But I'm never going to try to find out." Unfortunately, boys of 10 don't have a whole lot of logic to fall back on when there's a dare in the air!

All in all, it's now a fond childhood memory that always gets a laugh!

Yes, my husband and I really enjoyed your post. I just thought you might be a teenager...sorry I taught middle and high school for many years...and I can just see so many of my students trying to do that!!!! Anyway, thanks for the laughs.

 

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