Stay At Home Humor

[Luanne]

 

[Luanne]

 

[DaveNV]

This company in Texas has the best signs!

Quarantine exercise routine:

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

And another sign:

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Get-Rich Plans:

Dave

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[PrairieGirl]

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Homeschool Science Project:

Dave

 

[DaveNV]

Quarantine Cool Picture Stuff:

(Yes, there really is a camel there somewhere.)

Dave

 

[Ken555]

 

[Quiet Pine]

DoubleTree Signature Cookie Recipe

In our house DH usually bakes the cookies, but I made this recipe a week or so ago and they are delicious. Used my cookie scoop on leftover dough & froze it. Just as good as the original batch.

 

[Luanne]

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Quilter]

Saw this on our walk today

 

[Gypsy65]

 

[CO skier]

View attachment 19954

... lying around ...

... lying around ...

Can we, PLEASE!, open the schools again?

 

[CO skier]

Calling all quarantine homeschoolers:

View attachment 19958

Dave

A+

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Ken555]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Panina]

.....Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
Walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome....
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:
"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him
And one of the students said to him,
"We're medical students and couldn't help
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,
"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said,

"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!”

 

[Panina]

This is a classic story of marital conflict over money.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife. They carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
That's him in Aisle 5

 

[Panina]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

Wrinkles don't hurt.

Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...

Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..
Smile & hearts

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: Is
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in
Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not pe*ing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is .. . ... ..Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money....
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not pe*ing in your pants.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a
Wonderful day with many *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.

 

[Panina]

His request approved, the News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for The News' he responded, 'and I need to get some close-up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

 

[Panina]

These are some classic "one liners".

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year..
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

Don't worry about avoiding temptation As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

 

[Panina]