Spring Break Worries -- help!

[hefleycatz]

Getting seriously hurt in Mexico and requiring medical treatment is not a good thing. Neighbor boy, graduating 2009 class with my youngest daughter, went to Mexico for spring break and alot of drinking and alot of roughhousing around a pool, he ending up with a broken neck and will be in wheel chair for the rest of his life. I'm all for having a good time, but maybe they could do it in the states and with a parent present. They could still be on their own but at least there would be an adult there if a problem would arise. Cruising is tough also, I think you have to have a 21 year old at least present. I don't know about the disney cruises, if they would have the same requirements.

lee

 

[itchyfeet]

I guess I'm old fashioned, but since when does "having a good time" for an 18 year old involve getting falling down drunk in a foreign (or even non-foreign) country?

 

[Helene4]

Disney! They can drink until they fall down and the have to take
disney transportation back to their rooms. Better yet, Beach Club or Boardwalk. They can WALK back to their rooms.

 

[Ridewithme38]

I guess I'm old fashioned, but since when does "having a good time" for an 18 year old involve getting falling down drunk in a foreign (or even non-foreign) country?

For ATLEAST the last 30 years itchy...or atleast since commerical air flight became popular

You guys are horrible! Let the kid go and have fun....the odds of anything happening to him there are actually LOWER than getting seriously injured in a car crash here....But he drives...doesn't he?

An 18 will laugh in your face if you suggest a disney cruise too them...Try it...Disney implies something to an 18-22yr old...they're not going to realize or understand about the adult ammenities aboard these cruise lines...OR CARE...Telling your friends you went wild on a 'disney' cruise line doesn't have the same appeal as bribing a cop in Mexico

 

[Kay H]

I totally agree with the no go to Cancun for all the aforementioned reasons.

And no way would I pay for ANY spring break trip and I raised 3 sons.

 

[pjrose]

I'm 30....so still young enough to clearly remember my trip to cancun during spring break(11 years ago)...Don't book them in any place TOO nice....They'll end up kicked out, not a big deal because you'll drink till the sun comes up, or find a room to share(Wink, wink)...Make sure they have ALOT, ALOT of extra pocket money...The mexican police are VERY Corrupt...But this works out great for kids with a basic knowledge of how 'tipping' works(TEACH HIM HOW TIPPING WORKS, if he doesn't know) i easily spent $500 on 'tips' to the cancun police

Overall, IF he has BASIC street smarts and has been to a club or two before...he'll have a GREAT TIME! Its kinda a right of passage thing...i'd absolutly let me son go(If i had a son) Daughter's a WHOLE Different story

I guess I'm old fashioned, but since when does "having a good time" for an 18 year old involve getting falling down drunk in a foreign (or even non-foreign) country?

Yes, it is a rite of passage for SOME kids (emphasis on the word kid), but I would guesstimate that more don't than do. Unfortunately, itchyfeet, the 18 +/- year olds do consider this a good time. Ridewithme does have excellent suggestions re pocket money and tipping/bribing. Also send some boxes of condoms....you probably aren't ready for a grandchild, I'm sure he isn't ready for child support, and he doesn't need a STI.

IF you are still seriously considering this, whether Mexico, Caribbean, or Florida (beer and sex are universal), I have another suggestion.....tell him to get a summer job and earn the money to pay for his own trip NEXT year or the year after. As noted above, if HE is paying, he may decide that a week of drunken debauchery isn't worth his summer's worth of earnings - and if he does, well, at least you aren't supporting it.

 

[Ridewithme38]

Yes, it is a rite of passage for SOME kids (emphasis on the word kid), but I would guesstimate that more don't than do. Unfortunately, itchyfeet, the 18 +/- year olds do consider this a good time. Ridewithme does have excellent suggestions re pocket money and tipping/bribing. Also send some boxes of condoms....you probably aren't ready for a grandchild, I'm sure he isn't ready for child support, and he doesn't need a STI.

IF you are still seriously considering this, whether Mexico, Caribbean, or Florida (beer and sex are universal), I have another suggestion.....tell him to get a summer job and earn the money to pay for his own trip NEXT year or the year after. As noted above, if HE is paying, he may decide that a week of drunken debauchery isn't worth his summer's worth of earnings - and if he does, well, at least you aren't supporting it.

Another point to make...IF your paying...YOU make the rules...You decide where he's staying, if he needs to call and check in at certain times so you know he's ok....When the flight leaves....How much 'Fun' money he has

If he's paying...its his rules, he could literally NOT get a room and depend on the kindness of strangers....for shelter(You'd be surprised how much that happens) He could decide that since he NEVER needs to check in...that he can be ****Faced the entire time....and end up with alcohol posioning(That happens too)

Its a MUCH better idea to control the situation...and really with a spring break trip...the only way your going to control anything.....is with the promise of money and more to come...But please don't be over baring if you DO make him check in...if he sounds drunk, or you hear a girls voice or a party in the backround....don't drive him to decide its less hassle NOT to call...self control from you over the phone...will lead to self control from him....Save the anger for when he gets home

 

[puppymommo]

amazing how he is old enough to serve and potentially die for his country (but supervised! ), but noone thinks he can vacation on his own.

DH's response: supervised is the key here. There is a reason servicemembers that age are supervised! (DH is a retired US Marine.)

As the parent of a 16 year old who I think is extremely mature, I would not feel comfortable with her (in just two years) going to Cancun with friends.

Another point DH made was teenagers/young adults don't always realize the significance of the fact that when you are traveling to a foreign country you are subject to their laws.

Just my thoughts. I hope that OP and her son can find a safe and fun experience for him and his friend!

 

[MommaBear]

For ATLEAST the last 30 years itchy...or atleast since commerical air flight became popular

You guys are horrible! Let the kid go and have fun....the odds of anything happening to him there are actually LOWER than getting seriously injured in a car crash here....But he drives...doesn't he?

An 18 will laugh in your face if you suggest a disney cruise too them...Try it...Disney implies something to an 18-22yr old...they're not going to realize or understand about the adult ammenities aboard these cruise lines...OR CARE...Telling your friends you went wild on a 'disney' cruise line doesn't have the same appeal as bribing a cop in Mexico

I am assuming from your posts that you are not a parent. Come back when your child (girl or boy- really doesn't make a difference) is 18 and you have to help them makes these decisions THEN tell us we are horrible if you can. Until then, you do not know how a parent feels, what it means to have the responsibility of helping a teenager make those decisions, nor how it feels if that decisions goes horribly wrong. We, however, do remember what it was like to be 18! I went and sailed two weeks in the Carribean at that age with some older friends (in their mid twenties.) There are LOTS of fun, exciting, exhilarating things to do that do not involve all that "Spring Break" entails. Seriously, you think bribing a cop is OKAY???

 

[Ridewithme38]

Seriously, you think bribing a cop is OKAY???

In Cancun...atleast the last time i was there during spring break...its not only OK it is encouraged...Momma, please understand that this is a whole different country with a different setup, just cancun itself, the legal and regulation system is setup specificly for spring break type situation

You can't compare whats ok here to whats ok there...its like comparing the clothing you wear in July in Florida to the Clothing you wear in July in Northern Canada

 

[DeniseM]

Note that Ridewithme38 does have a little girl (not a teenager) and he already posted that he would NOT let her go to Mexico when she was 18, but he would let an 18 year old boy go. My guess is that he is relating to this question from the 18 year-olds point of view, and not as the father of an 18 year old.

 

[ilene13]

My husband and I are usually in Cancun the week before and the week after Easter Sunday. He is a physician and I am a high school assistant principal--we are also the parents of 2 adult young men.

For the last 20 years we have watched high school students in Cancun for "spring break." Their behavior is awful and they think alcohol is the new water. At the Royal Resorts many of the students are there with high school groups. The behavior and the attitudes of many of the chaperones are as bad as the students. In fact 2 years ago, when we returned home, I called the high school in Maryland where they came from to report the behaviors of the "teacher" chaperones. My husband has been called many times to deal with a youngster or two with alcohol poisoning.

When our sons were high school seniors they went on senior trips with either us (to Mexico) or another family to the Bahamas. I am very strict and I watched my kids and their friends like a hawk.

I would not let my 18 year old go to Cancun alone with friends and not with strict adult supervision.

 

[vacationhopeful]

MY VOTE on Cancun Spring Break for the 18 yo. No way!

Be the parent and realize that he doesn't have to like you. He just has to live long enough to grow up and make mature & adult decisions.

 

[pjrose]

. . .
For the last 20 years we have watched high school students in Cancun for "spring break." Their behavior is awful and they think alcohol is the new water. At the Royal Resorts many of the students are there with high school groups. The behavior and the attitudes of many of the chaperones are as bad as the students. In fact 2 years ago, when we returned home, I called the high school in Maryland where they came from to report the behaviors of the "teacher" chaperones. My husband has been called many times to deal with a youngster or two with alcohol poisoning.
. . .

The Royal Resorts claim that they don't tolerate rude Spring Break behavior, that they will kick out the misbehaving teens and call their parents. Not correct?

The very few times we've seen drunks there - maybe three times in 20 years - security has been very quick to escort them back to their villas. Not the case during Spring Break?

 

[easyrider]

Mexico is not a good place to learn how to drink. At 18 most people are inexperienced drinkers who haven't discovered their limits. After a couple years at college a person could have the skills to party in Mexico. What makes Mexico so much more dangerous than the USA is that you can buy narcotics at the pharmacies and local street vendors.

Also, when Uncle Sam gives you a weapon he also has the good sense to give you a drill instructor.

 

[Ridewithme38]

Note that Ridewithme38 does have a little girl (not a teenager) and he already posted that he would NOT let her go to Mexico when she was 18, but he would let an 18 year old boy go. My guess is that he is relating to this question from the 18 year-olds point of view, and not as the father of an 18 year old.

I think Denise maybe right...Not exactly as an 18yr old....but someone from the younger generation....i was born in 1980...so really the way i partied at 18 is close to how the 18yr olds party now....we were drinking 22oz's and 40oz's in the woods at 14-15...keg parties 'under the bridge' by 16...by 18 i was a VERY experienced drinker(and other things)...now i took it to extremes, but so did many others....but i have an older brother born in '77 and a younger born in '85 that drank like i did....Most people our age did...and the younger was an intellecual and the older a captain of both the football and basketball teams...so that brings me to the next quote

Mexico is not a good place to learn how to drink. At 18 most people are inexperienced drinkers who haven't discovered their limits. After a couple years at college a person could have the skills to party in Mexico. What makes Mexico so much more dangerous than the USA is that you can buy narcotics at the pharmacies and local street vendors.

Also, when Uncle Sam gives you a weapon he also has the good sense to give you a drill instructor.

OK I COMPLETELY AGREE THAT MEXICO IS NOT a good place to learn to drink! In one of my previous posts i mentioned he'd have a great time if he'd been to a few clubs(parties) before AND had some street smarts....I DO NOT recommend the Cancun party scene for the first timer...Maybe bourbon street during mardi gra for the first time....

BUT!!! at 18 i had a higher tolerance and better reaction skills than i do now at 30, if i have 6 beers and jump behind the wheel, i'm not sure if i'll get where i'm going now...6 beers was down by 5pm on a friday back then, i think if you ask anyone my age about how they handled alcohol at 18 vs now you'll find that....Times have changed quite a bit rider(I'm guessing your in your late 40's)what used to be college level behavior, partying all night, waking up on strange benches, floors and beds....is now for the 16-17yr old crowd...kids are partying harder and growing out of it quicker...I'd be VERY VERY surprised if i found a kid between the ages of 16-18 that hadn't done a kegstand or atleast played a few rounds of beerpong(i miss beerpong)....i'd honestly wonder what was wrong with them if they hadn't

I'm sorry i know i'm a little long winded...i should have went out drinking tonight, but i was out all last night and i know tomorrow i've got to meet some people at the bar and sunday my friend made some special homebrew...it stinks getting old...i have to build up a night of rest to be ready for an even half eventful weekend

 

[stmartinfan]

As a parent of kids in about this age range, I would add my vote as a definite "no." What's hard to know from the OP's question, is what what her son's expectation of "freedom" to make these kinds of requests is. The question would never have come up at our house, because based on the limits we've set, our kids would know it would never be an option. We do give our kids freedom to travel, experiment, etc. but within safer boundaries.

I also disagree with the posts about kids today age drinking more heavily, earlier, etc. That may be true of some kids, in some situations. But that's not all kids; there were definitely many kids at our local high school and church that were not into early, heavy alcohol consumption. (And that's based on facts in our area, not a parent's wishful thinking.)

Since for most 18 year olds, parents still provide the cash and set the rules, it doesn't seem like this should be a negotiation, just a "sorry, no."

The other situation we've seen is that our kids will bring a question like this to us, looking for - and knowing - they'll get a no. They already recognize it's not a good choice, but they don't want to be seen as the "spoil sport," so it's nice to have their parents say "no," giving them a way to get out of it while still saving some face with their friends. I can tell when that's the situation, because there's no arguing about the "no"!

 

[buceo]

In my opinion the worst place to "learn to drink" is the United Sates because it almost always involves driving. The legal age in the US was 18 when I was growing up. In Cancun they won't drive (not impossible just no reason to). Personally I went to NY City and Tucson for my spring breaks (30 years ago) on my own dollar. We've since witnessed some of the night life in Cancun (not even spring break) and the young gals do indeed voluntarily take the stage in the clubs, wow. Others have said it, if not a good idea for your son don't finance it. Personally I wouldn't finance a son to go to Mardi Gras either.

 

[Helene4]

"he would NOT let her go to Mexico when she was 18, but he would let an 18 year old boy go."


I am SOOOOO tired of the double standard. Please come into the 21st century. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and vice versa.

Recently written about the trouble in Egypt:

"Gaggles of teenage girls, dignified matrons and white-haired grandmothers have trekked daily to the square, swelling the crowd at a time when numbers were a crucial gauge of opposition power."

Is this how they would describe a male crowd?:
"Gaggles of teenage boys, dignified patrons and white-haired grandfathers..."
Language reflects belief.

 

[pjrose]

"he would NOT let her go to Mexico when she was 18, but he would let an 18 year old boy go."


I am SOOOOO tired of the double standard. Please come into the 21st century. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, and vice versa.

. . .

I, too, am tired of the double standard - but she can get raped and he is not likely to get raped, and she can get pregnant and he can't.

 

[DeniseM]

No, but he can get AIDS!

 

[Ridewithme38]

I, too, am tired of the double standard - but she can get raped and he is not likely to get raped, and she can get pregnant and he can't.

Yah this is my worry, but really its not just that...in general there is a bit of a size and strength issue as an issue between sex's...resistance to alcohol isn't always about building up a tolerance....it has to do with size and weight too...the average women tends to have a lower tolerance to alcohol than the average male, just because of size and cancun is a place where those tolerance levels will be tested....alcohol posioning is a bit more of a worry

Plus IMO and strictly IMO(I had no sisters) there is a motivation issue...as a guy i can tell you 95% of the guys going to cancun for spring break are to party and umm, get some....they're not looking to build a long term loving relationship...just sorta to sow their wild oats....i don't want my daughter to be part of that sowing...and with the strength issue and the lower tolerance issue plus the lowering of inhibitions that go along with drinking....no matter how good a parent you are, peerpressure will get to them at 18

my daughters 5 now, so really its not something i have to worry about for awhile....i'm still preparing for the best way to scare my daughter first date

 

[easyrider]

...i'm still preparing for the best way to scare my daughter first date

I used the unblinking eyeball technique with uncomfortably long 40 second firm hand shake in silence. Then the introduction and expectations.

 

[bogey21]

I'm surprised no one is in favor of letting your Son go. After my Daughter graduated for high school she spent the Summer bouncing around Europe for about 6 weeks with an 18 year old female friend. They were 100% on their own and had to arrange their own hotels and transportation. They had absolutely no problems. Both girls are now happily married with 2 kids each.

Maybe I was comfortable with it because my Daughter had taken supervised mission trips to the Ukraine twice, the Dominican Republic and Mexico and had spent a Summer at Oxford 100% on her own.

Then I remember my own life. I hitchhiked to Florida (from Pennsylvania) with a friend when I was 14 (yeah I know it wouldn't be safe anymore); when I was 18 my friends and I bought an old hearse and drove it to Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break back when FL was the place to go. After I graduated I volunteered for the draft (to get the GI Bill) right in the middle of the Korean war.

My point is this. Your Son at 18 is old enough to get into all kinds of trouble at home (drugs, the wrong kind of girls, car wrecks, etc) and to put himself in harm's way by joining the military. At what age are you going to let him make his own decisions (and mistakes)? Is it 19? How about 20? Maybe 21?

Incidentially my Son who spent 4 years in the Marine Corps is now working in Iraq as a civilian. Is it dangerous? Sure it is. Some might say he would be safer staying at home and collecting unemployment. Personally I don't think so.

 

[loosefeet]

The parents need to go too. You can buy the beer, and stay in the resort--where plenty of trouble can be had by the teens when looking. If they want to go into town, you drive--both ways, and call on cell phone every few hours to check on the scene. We did this w/ our teens, they weren't resentful--all had a good time (although I didn't care for some of the stories I heard after the trip!!).