responding to condescension

[SDKath]

Here are a few comebacks:

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Not all people are as annoying as you. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

And which dwarf are you?

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.


Katherine

 

[roadsister]

A couple times I have simply said:

"Hummmm, interesting you would say that"

They aren't quite sure what to say....the look at on their face is very funny.

 

[pjrose]

I like isisdave's comments.

A big smile and "thank you!" is also disarming. Occasionally my kids have used that on me when I've only told them that they're driving me crazy or that their room is a mess.

DD has been having problems with teasing at school - she has a low boiling point and has exploded a few times She shouldn't have to endure teasing, but unfortunately it is out there, so we've been working with her a lot to help her memorize some comebacks. "Gee, Thanks!" or after a snide remark re clothes/boots/etc "I'm so glad you like them!" Realistically, she'll probably just say "shut up", but even that is better than losing her temper.

I like the quizzical look with "why would you say something like that?".

Then there's always the raised eyebrow or withering "look".

You can just dismiss them with a brief "stuff it" or "grow up".

Years ago after years of bullying by a particular brat, DS, finally gave him a withering look and said "don't waste your breath, I'm not listening". I think it was the first time DS gave any kind of strong reaction, and it actually shut the kid up - at least for awhile.

SDKath's are funny, but I think insulting come-backs just bring you down to the same level.

 

[Patri]

SDKath, I laughed, but I bet people won't be able to think of those when they need them.

 

[SDKath]

I know! That's why I posted them. :hysterical: I figured when that certain relative or friend comes to town and you need a good line, be prepared.

K

 

[frankhi]

I think these feeling you have (and most of us have) are, for the most part, self inflicted. They are, maybe, a little more personal jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, rather than the that world is out to impress you. I have always tried to be the person who finds out how the other guy got that big house and expensive car, etc. so that I could learn and apply to my life if I want to. BTW, the answer most of the time is " my brother-in-law gets a really good deal on these, you want one?"

I am always at a loss for how to respond to a condescending remark, or maybe the best response is none?

Sometimes they annoy me, sometimes they leave me with my jaw hanging, but in the end I find it amusing that someone would share with me the fact that they somehow think they have something or know something I don't, or that their house or car is bigger or worth more, so I must be poor or uninformed (Poor me! ).

I am not looking to snipe back, but I would love to have a humorous response that points out the fallacy of their thinking. How do you handle these kinds of remarks?

PS. These generally come from my immediate family

 

[Teresa]

Thank 'em for the 'advice'

My husband says I don't have sense enough sometimes to know when I'm being insulted. Of course, I think it's because I usually think when someone says something to me that 'might' be insulting or condescending or otherwise, I just think I heard it wrong or they have some issues going on I don't know about and I just got to be the target of some venting (so I guess I'm helping them - right?). So I assume either or both and this way I don't get too upset (not that I never get my feelings hurt - but I minimize it this way). My MIL 'trained me' (see below).

So if you feel you must respond in some way, here are some ways to do it:

Just thank them for their insight and act like you're happy they said something. They might be glad you were open to their view (because their intention was really to help you). OR they might feel they have to explain themselves because surely you didn't even understand they were trying to insult you and you're too much of a dim bulb to 'get it'. Surely, those who try to insult you want to make an impact (get you upset) so if they don't, they may try to explain what they meant (to insult you) and their true colors will show.

Just smile like they're a little kid who has told you in confidence that they know there is no Santa Claus but they're going along because they get more presents that way. 'The cat that ate the canary' smile can really make them think about how you took that. Or they'll think you're crazy and try not to upset you.

Say, 'I don't know what you mean by that.' You'll either be ignored or it will be explained to you.

Say, 'Oh,' and smile. And then just go on to something else.

But above all remember that some people just can't help themselves.

My MIL often tells me to wear my coat and gloves when I go out when it's cold. (She tells me lots of stuff like this - this is just an example). I used to tell her that I think I'm old enough (52 at this moment - been married to her son for 22 years) to determine if I need to wear a coat. I've tried all kinds of 'back-at-ya's' to stop her from doing this. And yet she does it anyway. I now just ignore this stuff most of the time. But, sometimes, when I'm feeling a little devilish I'll say, 'oh, good thing you told me to wear a coat because I'm sure I'm not smart enough to figure that out for myself.' Sometimes I'd even throw in, 'why would anyone trust me with your grandchildren?' The first few times I said this she was dumbfounded. Now we laugh about it because we both realize how 'stupid' this conversation is. Yet she just can't stop herself. She does this to EVERYONE - her son, her daughter, my kids (3 teenagers), her friends, etc. I find that I often get upset with her when she talks to my kids this way. I don't want them to think that Grandma thinks they're idiots (she says she doesn't - on the contrary). My kids tend to try to not have too much time with Grandma because of this (sad).

She and I have had several 'heart-to-heart' talks about this but she just doesn't get it (or I don't!). Nothing is going to change. So I have to.

So .... If a particular person does this constantly, talk to them 'later' about it when you're out of the situation. 'What do I do that makes you feel you need to give me advice all the time?' or 'I'm trying to figure out why I feel you're always sniping at me. (said nicely). There may be a logical explanation (they don't even realize they're doing it - and they might be doing it to EVERYONE - not just you.).

Or maybe you're just worth 'saving' in their eyes (GRINNING). Have a great 2009!

 

[normab]

I think these feeling you have (and most of us have) are, for the most part, self inflicted. They are, maybe, a little more personal jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, rather than the that world is out to impress you. I have always tried to be the person who finds out how the other guy got that big house and expensive car, etc. so that I could learn and apply to my life if I want to. BTW, the answer most of the time is " my brother-in-law gets a really good deal on these, you want one?"

Frankhi, if I understand you that you think I may be experiencing jealousy, you have it all wrong in this case! I pretty much have what I want and need, I have alot to be thankful for. Also, I generally find that often the people with the "biggest and the best" only have a pile of debt and the people with the more discreet lifestyle have a bigger bank account.

I think your response is a good one, but it seems like it would put me into a competition with them and that's is not my goal! I want to end the conversation not perpetuate it!

 

[normab]

Or maybe you're just worth 'saving' in their eyes (GRINNING). Have a great 2009!

Oh Teresa, this was too funny-:rofl: -not related to my current post, but, I used to work in a female run department where I used to complain to my DH that my bosses were trying to "fix" me. My personality was a bit too straightforward in a department full of game-players and crowd pleasers. I felt like the kid who pointed out the emporer had no clothes. And I had 2 bosses who wanted me to be a crowd pleaser, hence they tried to fix me since, in their view, I was broken!!!! That job is history and I now work for people who appreciate a different view thank God!!!

 

[frankhi]

"I pretty much have what I want and need, I have alot to be thankful for."

I get it now....

 

[MarTN]

I've found that pretending not to have heard it well and asking for a repeat will slow down some offenders.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I didn't catch that. Could you repeat it louder?"
"I must have misunderstood. Can you say that again?"

If they have the guts to repeat what they said, give them a wide-eyed look that conveys incredulence and say, "OK then."

 

[SDKath]

"I pretty much have what I want and need, I have alot to be thankful for."

I get it now....

Wow. Condescending AND sarcastic. I need to come up with some new lines to say to people who can be both in one fell swoop.

K

 

[pjrose]

I've found that pretending not to have heard it well and asking for a repeat will slow down some offenders.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"
"I didn't catch that. Could you repeat it louder?"
"I must have misunderstood. Can you say that again?"

If they have the guts to repeat what they said, give them a wide-eyed look that conveys incredulence and say, "OK then."

I like these. Add "excuse me???"

 

[RDB]

I've heard my son say, "Speak to my hand", as he holds it up. Sorta like telling them to 'tell it to the wall'.

I have shrugged before and go on to other topic as though what has been said makes no difference.

Sometimes, a Thank You is worth saying.

 

[Kona Lovers]

...

"Did your mother teach you to bully people like that?"...

This would be a great one for one of our bosses!

Silence has proven the best response to her, though.

Marty

 

[Lee B]

I agree with responding with a question. If you don't have a rapid wit to come back with a zinger, rephrase the comment into a question.

So, you're saying that my dress is too short? But how can I show off my legs wearing a long one?

Is it important to you that I drive a different car?

If I buy a newer [whatever] you will be happier?

And how do I go about replacing my [child, spouse, parent, best friend]?

Will you say that again a different way? I have selective hearing and it almost sounded like an insult, so try it again.


And sometimes the person may have tried to be funny, so if you didn't get it you could expose yourself as having a poor sense of humor. Take a cue from others. If they laughed, just smile broadly with eyes as well as mouth, then forget it. Seeing humor in everything will take you far.

 

[NTHC]

I really don't think most people intend to be creepy, they are just absorbed in themselves. But if someone makes a comment that is not nice, I just look them in the eye and say..."hmm, I am not sure I understand what you meant by that, could you explain?'

Typically at that point they will row the boat, turn red, or change what they originally said.

In any case, they realize that you aren't going to just sit there and take an insult.

JMHO,
Cindy

 

[gary01]

I am always at a loss for how to respond to a condescending remark, or maybe the best response is none?

Sometimes they annoy me, sometimes they leave me with my jaw hanging, but in the end I find it amusing that someone would share with me the fact that they somehow think they have something or know something I don't, or that their house or car is bigger or worth more, so I must be poor or uninformed (Poor me! ).

I am not looking to snipe back, but I would love to have a humorous response that points out the fallacy of their thinking. How do you handle these kinds of remarks?

PS. These generally come from my immediate family

Maxine has a good comebackView attachment 591:

 

[pjrose]

Maxine has a good comebackView attachment 591:

Thanks for the laugh!