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People Say the Dumbest Things

BMWguynw said:
I currently work on the IT support staff at a hospital. I'm the fixit guy. Lately people have taken to asking some really lame questions, and I've started replying with a wise comeback I picked up somewhere:

Them: "Can I ask you a stupid question?"

Me: "Better than anyone I know."

And then I just stand there and look at them. You'd be amazed how many people say, "Ok," and launch into their question. :shrug:

Dave
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I am going to use this one on my DH. He's taken to saying this before he asks me a question when we are working toward solving something. I think it's the current "fashion" at work and he's bringing it home. It annoys me.
 
Proper English

This brings back memories of high school when the English teacher, hearing someone ask "Where is "X" at," would say, "Between the a and the t."
:D
 
MichaelColey said:
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
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OK, Michael, now you owe me a new keyboard. The old one got tea spat all over it.

:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
 
I'm an Optometrist, and this happens almost every day.

Me: "Try to read the bottom row please".

Patient: "You mean the "bottom" bottom row?"

Me: "Ummm yeah, there is only one bottom row" (as I roll my eyes).


Another one that happens all the time. The patient sees a picture of my kids on the wall....

Patient: "Oh, are those YOUR kids?"

Me: "Yeah, as far as I know!"
 
mbeach89 said:
I'm an Optometrist, and this happens almost every day.

Me: "Try to read the bottom row please".

Patient: "You mean the "bottom" bottom row?"

Me: "Ummm yeah, there is only one bottom row"
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The last time my optometrist asked me to read the bottom row, she got quite a chuckle at my reply, which was, "Is that Russian??"

I guess I needed new glasses more than I thought!
 
My mom used to tell me about a teacher she had a hundred years ago .... If a student began an answer "I don't think ..." she'd tell you "Sit down, then, I want an answer from someone who does think.:"
 
A week ago I had to take DH to the ER. He was fairly confused and his nurse was asking me how long the confusion had been going on, was he always confused? I answered no, not always, but had become more confused with his illnesses. Then he asked "how are his parents" (DH will be 79 tomorrow) and I answered him, with a straight face "Dead". Poor guy stammered and then asked how they were before they died. NO, I did NOT answer that one.
 
Just yesterday, my wife had called a business to reschedule an appointment, and they returned her call. Towards the end of the call, I heard my wife say with a laugh, "You just called me."


They had asked for her phone number, the number that they had dialed two minutes earlier.
 
Kona Lovers said:
I teach in an elementary school, and always use this question as an opportunity to not only teach the difference between "can" and "may" and the proper way to ask questions, but to differentiate for them the difference between "bathroom" (bathing/shower as well as toilet facilities) and "restroom" (no bathing facilities). Technical? Absolutely, but also causes them to think.:)

Marty
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And once I moved to Canada, I learned to call it a WASHroom - no resting allowed! I wonder where these euphemisms came from? The Europeans are so much more straightforward - "I'm going to the toilet"!

LeAnn
 
KauaiMark said:
Subbing in elementary school classes, the most frequent question is: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"I donno! Do you know how to lift the seat up or put t down? Do you know how to work the flusher?" ...by the second or third question either the kid or a buddy will get the joke and clue the questioner in with: "It's MAY I go to the bathroom?"

(they know I'm not being mean or insulting...)
..Mark
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Fern is always nice - so of course she was being funny.
And as a teacher, I don't do this to the kids- I hate making them say MAY I? If they ask Can I.. ? I respond, Yes, you may. They hear it. But our language has changed . If I say, Can you pass the salt? will you pass it? Or will you say to me, "I can." Of course if we're pals and being silly, you might do that, but otherwise you would just pass the salt!
 
K&PFitz said:
Just yesterday, my wife had called a business to reschedule an appointment, and they returned her call. Towards the end of the call, I heard my wife say with a laugh, "You just called me."


They had asked for her phone number, the number that they had dialed two minutes earlier.
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I admit to doing that when I schedule appointments. I will return calls, then ask for the phone number as part of the conversation, but it's something I do by rote, and certainly people understand.

I have a certain "script" I use that is not written down, it is in my head, and I follow that script to keep myself from forgetting some important piece of information.

I also describe our services word for word, always by memory, and that is to protect our company from complaints, because they weren't told everything. Sometimes our customers already know everything I am saying, mostly from reading our website, but I say it anyway.
 
derb said:
My favorite is the lady who asked the park ranger....Why were so many civil war battles fought in National Parks.
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I think it's because it's easier for large groups to march in open spaces.
 
derb said:
My favorite is the lady who asked the park ranger....Why were so many civil war battles fought in National Parks.
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laurac260 said:
I think it's because it's easier for large groups to march in open spaces.
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:hysterical: :hysterical: Oh, that made me laugh! And I really needed to laugh tonight. Thank you!
 
Zac495 said:
Fern is always nice - so of course she was being funny.
And as a teacher, I don't do this to the kids- I hate making them say MAY I? If they ask Can I.. ? I respond, Yes, you may. They hear it. But our language has changed . If I say, Can you pass the salt? will you pass it? Or will you say to me, "I can." Of course if we're pals and being silly, you might do that, but otherwise you would just pass the salt!
Click to expand...
I was raised knowing the difference between "can" and "may". My daughter (now) laughingly talks about how when she and her siblings were younger, they would ask me "Can I have a cookie?" I would reply, "Of course you can", then as they were reaching for the cookie I would add, "But you may not."

DD said it was so infuriating at the time, but now that she's an adult she admits it was very effective and she fully intends to do the same with her children.

******

A few years ago I got involved with a message board similar to TUG, but devoted to language and grammar. The site has a considerable presence with both professional and amateur linguists.

One time I added my points about the difference between "can" and "may" was emphatically informed that only pedants try to enforce that distinction. The general consensus recognizes that words mean what they mean in common usage, and as language evolves definitions and syntax change with it.

And in common usage, "can" and "may" are used interchangeably to represent permission.
 
Well, Fern, this made me laugh. But then, I am one who says, "This is she." I know it sounds wrong. I'm Gramma, short for grammarian.
 
derb said:
My favorite is the lady who asked the park ranger....Why were so many civil war battles fought in National Parks.
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Okay, that's two new keyboards needed because of this thread - that one's hilarious.
 
T_R_Oglodyte said:
The general consensus recognizes that words mean what they mean in common usage, and as language evolves definitions and syntax change with it. And in common usage, "can" and "may" are used interchangeably to represent permission.
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Well, bro, I jus' ain't down wit that.
 
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laurac260 said:
....My husband had joined me for a long weekend on my business trip, and we went to Macy's, bought a couple token items (just to say we'd been), and picked up a little bag that said "Macy's" on it....

as a side note, it's a good thing my husband came along, as that's where our daughter was conceived! ;)
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geoand said:
At Macy's? :D
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Does anyone remember back around 1980, when Macy's had a teen shop called "Action Down Under"? That's what these posts made me think of. (I suspect that was probably not the sort of "action" that Macy's had in mind!)
 
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