People Say the Dumbest Things

[Fern Modena]

Sometimes I wonder just what people are thinking when they ask questions.

I had to call my bank with a question yesterday. To their benefit, although you reach a recording first, it asks right away if you'd rather speak to a human Then it asks for your account number so they can give it to the *right* human.

Ok, so I get to the right human, and she has my account number before her she says. But she then says, "Can you spell your last name?" I said, "Why, of course I can!" Then, after she stopped laughing, I said, "Do you want me to?" I think what she meant was "would you please spell your last name for me." But that's not what she said.

After I got the information I needed, she asked me if she could help me with anything else. I said, "Sure. Do you have the winning numbers for California Super Lotto? I'll drive over to Primm if you have them." Uh, guess what? She didn't mean *that* either...

That's like when I operated a streetcar. People used to ask me things like, "Do you go to San Francisco State?" No, I work for Muni. Or "Do you know what time it is?" "Yes." That got to be a bit of a quiz, as people asked, "Do you know where I catch bus 28?" or "Do you know where the DMV is?" or "Do you know the stop for Jury Duty?" The answer to all those questions was the same. "Yes." Of course I knew.

Once, when I was new to the system, somebody asked me where to get off for DMV, and I didn't know. I told her I didn't, and she had the nerve to ask me *why* I didn't. In my politest voice I told her, "Ma'am, that is because I am not going there. If I were going there, I would have looked it up first." She looked at me like I was crazy. I dunno...is it just me?

Fern

Fern

 

[jlwquilter]

I venture we all do similiar dumb stuff. We routinely use "can" instead of "may" and that makes for dumb questions... and sometimes funny answers!

My not so funny, at the time, conversation was about moving pads. I had requested them ahead of time when I rented the moving van, knowing there was a charge for them. Made sense. So the day comes and I call to confirm that the van is ready and the pad are there. Well, the gal informs me that the pads are not. After a bit of back and forth, with me not being happy, she huffily informs me that she doesn't understand why I am upset, because, after all, I won't have to pay for them. As if not paying for something I didn't get, but ordered and desperately need, is the answer! I, being still upset, said that was an assinine answer and no solution at all, upon which she hung up on me.

However, proving that the just win out in the end, there were indeed a whole load of moving pads when we picked up the van a little while later and we never did get charged for them. Geez.

 

[Chris_NH]

With all due respect, there's nothing wrong with any of those questions. You just seem like you like to go out of your way to deliberately misinterpret them. As for the title of your post, you should ponder the term "unintended irony" since yes, people DO sometimes say the dumbest things.

 

[Talent312]

Fern's post did give me and my DW a good chuckle (LOL)...

However, I must agree that those are not "dumb" questions, merely an attempt to phrase an inquiry in a gentler and more mannerly form. IOW, taking folks so literally is playing dumb rather than responding to the intent of the question. Upon reflection, it comes across as a bit surly or hostile.

 

[pjrose]

Reminds me of the old joke,

"Do you know the word (fill in difficult word, i.e. antidisestablishmentarianism)?"

person answers "yes" or "no"

"Can you spell it?"

person answers "yes" or "no" or attempts to spell the difficult word

"no, the correct spelling is I T"

Re the examples in the original post, I might give answers like that to friends/family if I were in a joking or ornery mood, but since I know what the people mean, I'd just answer the implied question. I might say "yes, I do know", and then I'd tell them the time, directions, or whatever they're looking for.

 

[hvacrsteve]

Banged by the credit reporting agency!

My partner told me his wife got banged last week by the CRA!

I thought for a second and I have been laughing about it ever since!

I asked him if he realized how that sounded, someone else banged his wife!

 

[silverfox82]

When driving from the Miami airport to Key West, a favorite about halfway stop is the Holiday Isle tiki bar in Islamorada. One afternoon, while I was there tipping a few beers back, a tourist asked the bartender if he was halfway to KW, she replied "that pretty much depends on where you started from". I still chuckle about it with her when I see her on my annual trip. :hysterical:

 

[jlwquilter]

There's a whole list of dumb questions Key Westers get asked, starting with:

Is there water all the way around the island? Uh, yes, that defines an island.

Will there be a sunset tonight? Uh, yes, unless the sun implodes or some such.

Other vacation hot spots have their list of the same endless tourist questions that get old after awhile and people start thinking up "funny" answers just to amuse themselves. Think of how many of the same old questions get asked here and some of the responses they get on occassion...not all are exactly polite.

Just as the intent of Fern's post was one thing, as were the askers of her questions, the literal meaning of the exact words can be taken a different way.

Let's agree to cut everyone some slack! It's the holiday season after all .

 

[Fern Modena]

See, now that's the trouble with online forums. I knew what I meant, but some of you thought I was being difficult or mean. There was no malicious intent. I guess I forgot to mention that I had a "smiling voice" when I was answering. I worked radios for years, and I know how to use voice intonation to show different things...seriousness, smiling or joking, giving orders, being "mommy," etc. The "mommy voice" is what I used to give orders during the "Quake of '89" rather than my regular "orders" voice. It worked well, and I was the one in the unit to broadcast all general orders for the duration.

 

[DaveNV]

I agree with Fern. Sometimes people don't connect the interpretation of their question when they ask it. They mean something one way, but it can go a totally different way.

I used to live in the San Juan Islands in Washington State, which is sometimes considered to be the Martha's Vineyard of the West Coast. Getting to "my" island meant taking a 90 minute ferry ride. (It's not arduous - it's beautiful scenery, and kind of like taking a mini-cruise.) Since tourism is huge in the San Juans, I frequently ended up being surrounded by tourists who were delighted to learn I was a "local." And then the weird questions started:

Can't this ferry go any faster? (Why, did you want to waterski?)

Why don't they have a bridge to Seattle? (Well, I don't know. It'd need to be like 80 miles long.)

What do you people eat out here? (Twigs, berries...)

What do you people do at night? (We all gather naked and dance in the moonlight...)

What part of Canada is this? (The American part...)

Do the deer live here all year round? (Um, no. In the Fall they all get in a big RV and winter in Arizona... )

What do you do for fun? (Tease silly tourists...)

Depending on the group gathered around me, sometimes I might actually say some of my irreverant replies out loud. When people realized how silly their questions were, it made for a fun conversation.

Dave

 

[laurac260]

yep, sometimes us tourists are downright stoopid...

In 2000 I visited NYC for the first time ever, on a business trip. Having spent my entire life thus far living in the midwest (and no, for the record, everyone in OH DOES NOT live on a farm!) I had always thought of Macy's as some mystical place that only exists in movies, or that famous place that hosts those great parades every year. It never really occurred to me that it was just another department store. (Of course, now they are everywhere). My husband had joined me for a long weekend on my business trip, and we went to Macy's, bought a couple token items (just to say we'd been), and picked up a little bag that said "Macy's" on it.

On that next Monday, while standing on the tradeshow floor, a local gentleman stopped by our booth. The subject of Macy's came up, and, eager to connect with the locals, I blurted out, "I shopped there!" He looked at me like I had just fallen from a tree and hit my head, and said "Yea, so does everyone else."

_________________
as a side note, it's a good thing my husband came along, as that's where our daughter was conceived!

 

[Talent312]

...
as a side note, it's a good thing my husband came along, as that's where our daughter was conceived!

TMI

... BTW, who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

 

[Bruce W]

TMI

... BTW, who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

And what color was George Washingtons' white horse.

 

[Passepartout]

Frequently, after a clerk has helped me find something in a store, they'll ask me "Can I answer any other questions?" Like Fern, I'll ask for the next Powerball numbers, or "What's the meaning of Life?" Then I end up explaining that it's 42. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrases_from_The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy

Not exactly a dumb answer to a dumb question, but when asked "Paper or plastic?" and naturally, I've left the canvas bags in the car, I answer, "Either, I'm bi-sacksual."

Jim Ricks

 

[Sea Six]

I can relate to Fern's post almost every day of the week! You are right on!

 

[geoand]

In 2000 I visited NYC for the first time ever, on a business trip. Having spent my entire life thus far living in the midwest (and no, for the record, everyone in OH DOES NOT live on a farm!) I had always thought of Macy's as some mystical place that only exists in movies, or that famous place that hosts those great parades every year. It never really occurred to me that it was just another department store. (Of course, now they are everywhere). My husband had joined me for a long weekend on my business trip, and we went to Macy's, bought a couple token items (just to say we'd been), and picked up a little bag that said "Macy's" on it.

On that next Monday, while standing on the tradeshow floor, a local gentleman stopped by our booth. The subject of Macy's came up, and, eager to connect with the locals, I blurted out, "I shopped there!" He looked at me like I had just fallen from a tree and hit my head, and said "Yea, so does everyone else."

_________________
as a side note, it's a good thing my husband came along, as that's where our daughter was conceived!

At Macy's?

 

[KauaiMark]

Subbing in elementary school classes, the most frequent question is: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"I donno! Do you know how to lift the seat up or put t down? Do you know how to work the flusher?" ...by the second or third question either the kid or a buddy will get the joke and clue the questioner in with: "It's MAY I go to the bathroom?"

(they know I'm not being mean or insulting...)
..Mark

 

[Luanne]

A really simple "dumb" is one my kids ask dh all the time.

"Can I ask you a question?"

His response.........."You already did".

 

[DaveNV]

A really simple "dumb" is one my kids ask dh all the time.

"Can I ask you a question?"

His response.........."You already did".

I currently work on the IT support staff at a hospital. I'm the fixit guy. Lately people have taken to asking some really lame questions, and I've started replying with a wise comeback I picked up somewhere:

Them: "Can I ask you a stupid question?"

Me: "Better than anyone I know."

And then I just stand there and look at them. You'd be amazed how many people say, "Ok," and launch into their question.

Dave

 

[MichaelColey]

When I give people my last name, they often ask me "Can you spell that?" I suppose the most accurate answer is "Yes", but "T-H-A-T" is much more fun.

Or one of my favorite jokes...

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

 

[Passepartout]

I'm standing thigh deep in a trout stream. Some guy- a tourist- asks, "You live here all your life?" I answer, "Not yet."

 

[isisdave]

TMI

... BTW, who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

Not as simple an answer as you might quickly guess.

Grant ... and his wife.

 

[Kona Lovers]

Subbing in elementary school classes, the most frequent question is: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"I donno! Do you know how to lift the seat up or put t down? Do you know how to work the flusher?" ...by the second or third question either the kid or a buddy will get the joke and clue the questioner in with: "It's MAY I go to the bathroom?"

(they know I'm not being mean or insulting...)
..Mark

I teach in an elementary school, and always use this question as an opportunity to not only teach the difference between "can" and "may" and the proper way to ask questions, but to differentiate for them the difference between "bathroom" (bathing/shower as well as toilet facilities) and "restroom" (no bathing facilities). Technical? Absolutely, but also causes them to think.

Marty

 

[pgnewarkboy]

The computer tech, obviously in India, didn't know American zip codes don't have letters in them. He kept repeating my zip code back to me with a letter or two mixed in with the numbers. I told the guy " Obviously you don't understand what an American zip code is. Lets work together on this so I can get the heck off the phone with my problem solved before my computer is completely obsolete".

 

[laurac260]

At Macy's?

well, she DOES love to shop!