Life just got hard

[Patri]

This is not what I hoped 2015 would be. BIL, at age 58, was diagnosed with early dementia. My dad went into a nursing home earlier this month. Now what to do with mom? Both are 87. We siblings live across the country, and for the past year have stepped up visits to care for them. I am POA. I am supposed to fly out to them in 2 weeks.
Less than 24 hours ago, DH, 60, suffered a major stroke and was air-lifted to a trauma center. Our children and spouses live within a few hours of us, and all were able to get to the hospital.
Different thoughts are hitting me. I am a caregiver now, if he survives. One side is paralyzed. He is still bleeding. But there are positive signs too, in his responses to commands.
His income is gone for the present. Thank goodness my job carries the insurance. I'd like my old life back, without knowing exactly what the new one will bring.
I heard an owl when I woke in the dark of night, his whooing to my crying.

 

[pittle]

I am so sorry that this is all happening in your family. I just pray for you to have the strength to deal with all of this and that you can make all the right decisions while under such stress.

 

[WinniWoman]

Very sorry for your troubles. It goes to show you you never know what life will bring while you are making other plans. Know that you are strong and will get through it all. There will be light, but for now you must attend to the issues at hand. You have probably had some beautiful times with your family. Think of those good things often and look forward to the many more to come in the future. This too will pass. Make sure you take care of yourself as well. Keep us posted.

 

[taffy19]

My heart goes out to you, Patri. Your family has been hit so hard and now your husband too. I wish you strength and you must take care of yourself too.

It is amazing what a hospital and rehab center can do for a stroke patient today. There is hope for you and your husband. Stay strong and have faith.

 

[Talent312]

Gosh! I don't know what to say, except that, nothing in this life ever seems to turn out the way it's supposed to or how we expect, and yet somehow we have to carry on.

Not to detract from your situation, but to show that none of us is immune from life throwing us curveballs -- By age 22, both my parents had died (cancer + suicide), at age 45, my now ex-wife of 20 years decided she was bored with me, later one of my brothers went to prison for drugs, and last year, I dialed 911 for the first time when my "new" wife had what turned out to be a mild-stroke.

Obviously, your focus must now be on your DH, so cancel your flight (you can rebook your tickets later), other family members will have to step up to the plate, and BIL will have to be his family's primary concern. Remember to take some time to look after yourself. It's easy to burn out from all the grief and stress -- so each day, set aside some time for yourself, even if it's only an hour. You can only do so much.

BTW, we have an owl who visits our backyard and hoots for no apparent reason.
The other day it watched us, as if thinking, "What are you doing in my backyard."
.

 

[MULTIZ321]

Hi Patri.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I know this seems overwhelming now and it will tap inner strength you did not know you have.

It sounds like your husband has Aphasia. There are many types depending on what part of his brain was affected by the CVA. If it hasn't happened already, ask the hospital to get a Speech Therapist involved in his care.

Your Tugger friends are here to support you.

All the Best.

Richard

 

[vacationhopeful]

Patri,

My heart goes out to you .. many of those "incidents" have happen within my family in the last 10 years. But the stroke your DH is going thru is something that effects you to the bone.

My prayers are with you and your family ... just take it one (day, hour, minute) at a time. Do not give up on faith ...

Linda

 

[Passepartout]

Patri,
I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks. I shared your post with my DW. You are in our hearts. It shows just how fleeting good health is. I wish I could give you a real hug, but a TUG hug {{{HUG}}} will have to suffice for now.

Your last line shows that you have inner strength, and the ability to take this challenge one step at a time. In the whole it can seem like too high a mountain to climb, but one step at a time will get you through it.

We'll keep you and your husband in our thoughts, and hope for a speedy recovery. It was good that his stroke was diagnosed quickly and that he's getting expert care. Speedy application of clot busting meds seem to be able to mediate and reduce the damage from stroke. You are needed there at his side.

I hope your siblings can jump in and help with the decisions that will need to be made concerning 'Mom'. It is too much for you to handle right now on your own. Reach out to them- and your kids, too.

Be strong! {{{Another hug}}}

Jim

 

[Paumavista]

Prayers for peace, calm and healing

Very sorry for your troubles. It goes to show you you never know what life will bring while you are making other plans. Know that you are strong and will get through it all. There will be light, but for now you must attend to the issues at hand. You have probably had some beautiful times with your family. Think of those good things often and look forward to the many more to come in the future. This too will pass. Make sure you take care of yourself as well. Keep us posted.

Life does have a way of throwing come curve balls......last year was my "bad" year (I am counting on that!) - praising every single day this new year!

Hopefully this time will past quickly and your life will speed along to good times.

Judy

 

[Dori]

My heart goes out to you and your family. know that your friends here on TUG are thinking of you.

Dori

 

[rickandcindy23]

You are experiencing what we all worry will someday happen with our loved ones (or ourselves). My heart aches for you, Patri. I will include you in my prayers. You need strength right now to do what you must. As some others have said, be sure to take care of yourself.

 

[VacationForever]

My heart goes out to you. For now your focus is your DH. Depending on how well he recovers, if he needs care then having a caregiver (through an agency - I cannot emphasize enough) at least for some hours or some days will help provide respite to you. Does he have long term care insurance? If so, it will pay for caregiving services when he leaves hospital and rehab.

Regarding your parents, you can step down as a POA if you have another sibling that you believe can make good decisions for them and is willing to be a POA. Or you can appointment an interim POA for them. When dust settles, a good option is to move your parents closer to where you live. Don't forget to also look for some home care for your mother.

Unfortunately with your BIL, early onset of dementia usually means that progression of the disease will be fast.

 

[swditz]

It is amazing what a hospital and rehab center can do for a stroke patient today. There is hope for you and your husband. Stay strong and have faith.[/QUOTE]


this is absolutely true. The strides stroke health care has taken over the last decade are amazing.

I am very sorry for your circumstances and we will certainly keep you in our prayers.

scott

 

[silentg]

Hello Patri,
We always are planning ahead, being timeshare owners, and then unexpected illness jumps in and changes everything. I am sorry that your husband has fallen ill at the same time as other family members. My thoughts are with you and your family. Let us know how you and family are doing, TUG friends care about each other!
TerryC

 

[pedro47]

My heart goes out for you. I know the feeling because we are caring for my mother-in-law, two (2) aunts all are in their ninety's. Plus one niece who is only 58 years old.

My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Karen G]

So sorry for all the challenges you are facing. Praying for your family.

 

[Jestjoan]

Praying for a good outcome for your DH.

http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/
http://www.stroke.org/ Lots of resources.

My sister's blog about her stroke. https://wellnessrebates.com/life-after-trauma-a-new-series/

 

[Tia]

Oh my so very sad to read how hard life has just become for you , your husband and your family. I pray you find strength to be able to deal with what is to come and your family can support you where you need it most.

Talent had some wise words to focus on your husband and to take time for yourself.

My dad had a hemorrhagic stroke 8 years ago, a neuro surgeon offered surgery but nothing was going to come back that was lost. He had a living will and my Mom followed it. Tough choices we are never really prepared for.

This is not what I hoped 2015 would be. BIL, at age 58, was diagnosed with early dementia. My dad went into a nursing home earlier this month. Now what to do with mom? Both are 87. We siblings live across the country, and for the past year have stepped up visits to care for them. I am POA. I am supposed to fly out to them in 2 weeks.
Less than 24 hours ago, DH, 60, suffered a major stroke and was air-lifted to a trauma center. Our children and spouses live within a few hours of us, and all were able to get to the hospital.
Different thoughts are hitting me. I am a caregiver now, if he survives. One side is paralyzed. He is still bleeding. But there are positive signs too, in his responses to commands.
His income is gone for the present. Thank goodness my job carries the insurance. I'd like my old life back, without knowing exactly what the new one will bring.
I heard an owl when I woke in the dark of night, his whooing to my crying.

 

[susieq]

Dear Patri, I am so sorry for what you are going through........... Prayers for you and yours, for improving health and strength to weather this storm. As others have said, please take care of yourself, you need to call on whatever inner resolve you have to deal with what's on your plate. Learn to prioritize and delegate ~ one person can only do so much. Take one day at a time, and please, let us know how you're doing............. We care......

 

[LisaH]

When it rain it pours. So sorry for what's happening in your life. Wish for the best outcome for your hubby.

 

[Pat H]

Oh, I am so sorry. I hope that your husband recovers significantly. Does his employer provide short/long term disability? If he will not be able to return to work, he should apply for SS disability as soon as possible. You do not need to wait.

It's important that you take care of yourself.

 

[suzanne]

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sometimes life just plain sucks.

Suzanne

 

[Sandy]

I am also praying for you and your family.

I have a similar health situation with my DH (blind; diabetic; dialysis).My 92 yr old mom lives hundreds of miles away from me in PA and my brother lives in MN. These life events can cause so much stress. Being a caregiver is not fun.

But as you know, and caring folks will tell you, you must take care of yourself.

We try to go places where we can drive so that my DH can get dialysis. I fly my Mom to join us at out timesharing adventures. As long as both of them can come it is great. These trips are times when our small family is able to get together, several times a year. If vacations are important to your family, timesharing can work even for short trips close to home.

Please take care and know that we are praying for your strength and health too.

 

[stmartinfan]

So sorry to hear about all that is happening with your family right now. Be sure to take care of yourself, and forgive yourself when things go wrong, knowing that's likely to happen. You are doing your best, but there's only so much you can control. It was interesting to read some of the ideas others shared, such as the temporary POA, as ways to lighten your burden right now.

 

[puppymommo]

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Taking care of elderly parents, especially at a distance, is hard. And how heartbreaking to have such devastating illnesses on 2 such young men (only 58 and 60).

May you find ways to take care of yourself in the midst of caring for others.

Thoughts and prayers.