Is it tacky to give a Restaurant.com certificate as a hostess gift

[rapmarks]

a 25$ certificate requires a 35$ purchase. I would like to give to a neighbor who invited us to dinner. do you think this is tacky?

 

[ace2000]

a 25$ certificate requires a 35$ purchase. I would like to give to a neighbor who invited us to dinner. do you think this is tacky?

A $25 certificate probably cost you $2-$4. And then you have to go to the trouble of explaining how it works... I tried to talk my daughter into buying some of the certificates (just because I thought it was a good deal), and ended up explaining the program for 5 minutes!

Hate to say it, but giving one of these certificates to somebody is like giving someone a 2-for-1 coupon. I'd hesitate offering it as a gift.

 

[DeniseM]

I don't think it's tacky, but so often the restaurants back out of the deal, that I'd be afraid that would happen.

 

[DonM]

a 25$ certificate requires a 35$ purchase. I would like to give to a neighbor who invited us to dinner. do you think this is tacky?

I know nothing about these coupons- but when asked this type of question, I would turn it around and ask you if you received this gift how would you feel about it, and secondly the fact that you think it might be tacky says to me you think it probably is.

 

[geekette]

I don't know about tacky, but I like to take actual items that the hostess can put to use as soon as all the guests leave. With a certificate for anything, I would feel empty-handed, even if it was a cert for a pre-paid multi-hundred spa day.

 

[normab]

I also would not give one as a gift based on our own experience with them.

If you are looking for an inexpensive hostess gift, try stores like Homegoods or Tuesday Morning. They have lots of discounted beverage napkins and other inexpensive gift items for entertaining like wine glass markers. Sometimes I bring napkins with their monogram or a design that they would like (I am assuming you know this person's taste, i.e. traditional, modern, romantic, etc).

Happy gifting.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

I think it is extremely poor taste to give someone a "gift" that requires the person to spend money to use the gift. In fact, I would even hesitate to call this a gift because by definition a gift is something that comes with no strings attached. The only exception would be if you knew the person sufficiently well to know the gift would be ok. You're asking the question here, though, so that obviously does not apply.

It's better to simply give the person a gift certificate in the amount that you would spend for the coupon. And then it is critical that you know that the store or restaurant is a merchant that the recipient would actually use.

 

[UWSurfer]

I concur that a gift which requires the recipient to spend $ to use is tacky.

That said, I HAVE used one of these certs at a large extended family dinner where the oldest, retired, fixed income set of parents usually have their meal paid for by the adult children in attendence. The cert covered their costs and made it a little easier for everyone else attending.

 

[rapmarks]

the neighbor invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. I went to Publix and bought her the Pilgrim pair salt and pepper shakers and a vegetable dish. I wanted to give them to her in time to use them for Thanksgiving so I brought them over on sunday. I know i could give her a bottle of wine when we arrive, but I know she will say no you shouldn't do this .

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

the neighbor invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. I went to Publix and bought her the Pilgrim pair salt and pepper shakers and a vegetable dish. I wanted to give them to her in time to use them for Thanksgiving so I brought them over on sunday. I know i could give her a bottle of wine when we arrive, but I know she will say no you shouldn't do this .

Are you saying that you the restaurant. com certificate would be in addition to these other items? If so, the certificate would be OK provided the other gifts by themselves would be suitable.

In other words, do your gifting without the certificate. If you then wanted to add the certificate as an additional "bonus" that's fine. But the certificate should not be part of the "basic" gift.

 

[ace2000]

As I stated early in the thread, I feel that this is very similar to a 'buy 1 get 1 free' coupon. I would NOT present it as a gift.

You're welcome to give it to someone, but don't present it as a 'gift'. There is a difference.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

As I stated early in the thread, I feel that this is very similar to a 'buy 1 get 1 free' coupon. I would NOT present it as a gift.

You're welcome to give it to someone, but don't present it as a 'gift'. There is a difference.

Yes - that's a better way to express what I was trying to say in my most recent post.

 

[wackymother]

I wouldn't give it, even as a "bonus" gift. It's hard to explain how to use them, there's always the chance the restaurant won't accept the certificate, your friend has to spend a certain amount to use it...if you want, take your friends out to dinner, telling them you have a gift certificate that's burning a hole in your pocket. Then pay for the dinner and use the certificate.

People who aren't chronic bargain shoppers don't really understand what we go through to save a buck and still have a nice experience. (Go figure, huh? )

And I do have some friends who would be mightily displeased by any kind of gift that resembled a coupon. I worked for a company once where the head honcho owned stock in the parent company of TGI Friday's. For Xmas, he gave everyone a $25 gift certificate to TGI Friday's. I thought that was pretty nice, even though I never go there. So a few of us gathered everybody in our department together and herded them down to TGI Friday's. Time to pay, ten of us pulled out our $25 gcs...and three people said, "Oh, I threw mine out." They THREW OUT a $25 gift certificate????

 

[bobby]

Tacky. And everyone has different preferences for restaurants.

 

[Mimi39]

the neighbor invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. I went to Publix and bought her the Pilgrim pair salt and pepper shakers and a vegetable dish. I wanted to give them to her in time to use them for Thanksgiving so I brought them over on sunday. I know i could give her a bottle of wine when we arrive, but I know she will say no you shouldn't do this .

It looks to me like things are a little tacky all around if the neighbor would turn down the bottle of wine rather than graciously accepting it. Since you have already given a gift how about a small box of candy that she could serve after dinner? As to the certificate -- no way!

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

the neighbor invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. I went to Publix and bought her the Pilgrim pair salt and pepper shakers and a vegetable dish. I wanted to give them to her in time to use them for Thanksgiving so I brought them over on sunday. I know i could give her a bottle of wine when we arrive, but I know she will say no you shouldn't do this .

It looks to me like things are a little tacky all around if the neighbor would turn down the bottle of wine rather than graciously accepting it. Since you have already given a gift how about a small box of candy that she could serve after dinner? As to the certificate -- no way!

I think some additional context is needed before we reach the conclusion that the neighbor would be tacky for turning down the bottle of wine.

• Saying "No, you shouldn't have done this" is often a gracious expression of appreciation for a gift. It would be followed by the offeror saying something such as, "Really, it's my pleasure" or "It's the least I could do" or similar, at which point the recipient says "Thank you" and accepts the gift.

• The family could have moral, religious, or philosophical objections to the presence our use of alcoholic beverages in their house. In that case it's not all tacky for the homeowner to tell the offeror not to bring wine. (This is not a situation where rapmarks has showed up at the door, gift bottle of wine in hand, and the host refuses to allow the gift in the house. )
  
  Or there could be people at the party who have problems managing alcohol, and the host does not want alcohol in the house for this event.

 

[JoeMid]

a 25$ certificate requires a 35$ purchase. I would like to give to a neighbor who invited us to dinner. do you think this is tacky?

Yes! (Yes)

 

[rapmarks]

Okay, no certificate. they drink wine and know wines and i know nothing so it is kind of the reason for wanting to do something different. I usually bring a dish when invited but they said no, we have everything covered. I am saying that they will feel I have given them too much already, that they do not need anything else and just want us to come to dinner with no obligations. It will only be us and one single guy coming.

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

At the risk of sounding elementary ......

There can easily be some differences in communication styles going on here.

The way that I was raised ... if I were hosting such an event and you offered to bring something the polite response is so say, "No, that's fine." If the offeror truly does wish to bring something, the offeror responds to this by saying something such as, "It's really not a problem and I would like to bring something." The host then replies, "Well if you insist, ..." and then makes a suggestion of what to bring.

This exchange recognizes the "polite offer". If someone invites you for dinner, you are obligated to offer to bring something even if you really don't want to. On the other side of the exchange, as a host you should not extend an invitation with strings attached - you should be prepared to provide all of the preparations. If the guest is truly willing to bring something and the host is truly willing to accept then that exchange is also negotiated via an exchange such as this. The niceties are fulfilled and hopefully everyone has an acceptable outcome.

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That type of exchange was automatic in the social circles in which I was raised. I also now know that type of exchange is not automatic among many people here in the US. In this social protocol, you don't offer to bring something unless it is a sincere offer (i.e., there is no such thing as a polite offer) and the host declines any offer if the host truly does not want help.

That exchange also works fine if that protocol is common to the parties.

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Problems can occur when one party uses one style, while the other adheres to the other. The situation being discussed is rife with opportunity for miscommunication if the principals have differing protocols.

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And if they are wine drinkers and you know nothing about wine, then wine is probably not a good gift. You should stick with items you know.

In the situation at hand, bringing a small box of chocolates could be appropriate. Or some fresh cut flowers to put on the table. Others may have additional ideas.

 

[DebBrown]

I agree on the "tacky" and most of what's already been posted. Just wanted to comment on the offer to bring something to dinner. If I am hosting a dinner, I don't want people to bring side dishes or dessert because I already have planned what I intend to serve. My SIL used to show up with meatballs for every holiday. Then I had to heat them and serve them when I was busy and they never complimented my meals.

Anyway... you are smart to avoid wine if your hosts are experts and you are not. It is very nice that you want to bring something. I agree that the candy is a great idea. They can serve it or save it for a late night snack.

Deb

 

[wackymother]

Candy or nice fruit or nuts or maybe even one of those fancy bottles of lemonade--the kind that comes in glass bottles with a wire seal. I sometimes bring the lemonade to dinner parties, and it looks so pretty that it's usually a big hit. They can put it away and save it for later if it isn't a good match with dinner.