How to insult someone's intelligence with humor

[T_R_Oglodyte]

He's 12 cans short of a six-pack.

He's a candidate for natural deselection.

If someone got smart with him, he'd never know.

He's as bright as a tulip bulb.

During evolution of the human brain, his ancestors were in the control group.

He picked up his brain when the Cerebral Department was clearing out remnants and irregulars.

His train of thought is the Disoriented Express.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

If he ate Fruit Loops for breakfast, he would be a cannibal.

If he had one more neuron, he'd finally have a synapse.

He left his booster on the launch pad.

He's nineteen cents short of a paradigm.

If you put a lens in each of his ears, you would have a telescope.

He's so dim, his psychic has to wear a headlamp.

Where other people have a brain, he's got resonance.

 

[Hindsite]

Perhaps on a slight tangent but related. For when someone suggests something that won't work or you know they just won't do the work needed:
That's the short route to getting nothing done

 

[Timeshare Von]

My favorite from Larry Winget . . . and who needs to be funny (or nice?) about! He gave these t-shirts out years ago (more than 20) before people worried about being P/C.

 

[Tia]

Why are all these directed at men???

think it's interchangeable not to worry

 

[HedonisticEpicurean]

I came up with a few while on a flight yesterday befitting this forum.

She is as gullible as the investor who believed everything the sales person said in the timeshare presentation.

He thought buying a timeshare meant he'd be living on borrowed time.

She is so dumb that she joined TUG looking to find Twerking Underwater Gnomes.

They are as hopeless as the couple who thought they would sell their timeshare for a huge profit.

Humor and insulting isn't easy unless you are Don Rickles. I tried. I guess I won't be on the Las Vegas Strip anytime soon unless I buy a unit at the Elara.

 

[chellej]

 

[easyrider]

She is so dumb that she joined TUG looking to find Twerking Underwater Gnomes.

Years ago I would tell people to check out Tug2.net while in a hot tub at a nice resort. It seemed like a some people became interested in the wrong way. Since then I say timeshare user group.

Bill

 

[chapjim]

Shallow end of the gene pool

Or, gene puddle.

 

[chapjim]

Has high vacuum headaches.

And, not exactly on point but (delete if necessary),

Let's his alligator mouth run away with his hummingbird a$$
Let's his battleship mouth run away with his tugboat a$$ (since I was in the Navy)

 

[LisaH]

Haha, I bookmarked this thread for future reference

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

He might have a big brain, but if he does most of it is located below his belt.

(This one is gender-specific. There are also more vulgar versions.)

 

[PigsDad]

Grew up in farming country, and a common phase was, "He's a few straws short of a bale."

Kurt

 

[tombanjo]

dumb as a box of rocks
thick as a brick

 

[Janann]

Let's his alligator mouth run away with his hummingbird a$$

My boss used a very similar phrase -- his alligator mouth overloaded his hummingbird a$$.

Someone else at the same workplace used to say this:

dumb as a box of rocks

 

[geist1223]

You can have a better conversation talking to a wall.

 

[PigsDad]

Another one:

Useless as t*ts on a bull.

Kurt

 

[Talent312]

You wasn't born an idiot, so you must have taken lessons.
You have a lifetime to be an idiot, so why not take today off?

I don't have the patience or the crayons to explain it to you.
.

.




.

 

[billymach4]

Your writing checks your body can't cash!

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

He'd go broke playing cards with a chimpanzee

 

[T_R_Oglodyte]

He has a mind like a steel trap, but it hasn't been used for years. Now it's rusted shut, and if you tried to force it open it would shatter into pieces.

 

[PcflEZFlng]

Took an extra stupid pill today, didn'ya?

And my favorite Bugs Bunny line: "What a maroon!"

 

[TheHolleys87]

I love all of these, some of which are new to me and some I’ve known and used.

He might have a big brain, but if he does most of it is located below his belt.

(This one is gender-specific. There are also more vulgar versions.)

DH told me years ago that men have two brains, but only one works at a time.

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead.