How Can it Be I Still Have So Many “Things” I Don’t Want. Anyone Else?

[DancingWaters]

I have some friends that owned a farmhouse, multiple barns, 100 acres of ground! They went to Florida every year. One year they came back and decided they wanted to get rid of it all …….even their collections and all furniture. They now own a trailer on a lake, a house in town near the trailer and a house in Florida plus a huge storage building they own! He kept his 10 vintage motorcycles, 3 vintage cars and 2 vintage trucks and all his tools. When I’m with the wife she regrets getting rid of her glass collections, her Scotty trailer and etc. I wonder if he knows she regrets getting rid of HER treasures

 

[n42]

I have lost everything I own on more than one occasion. When I was in college, I lost everything when my apartment burned down in a fire. At the same time, my father entered hospice care. I moved in with him and took care of him as he was dying so that he could be in the comfort of his own home.

From that experience, I learned how meaningless material possessions are. It's our loved ones who are important. Crying over lost possessions seems kind of childish now.

 

[Ralph Sir Edward]

Christmas ornaments are important to me, but then again, they are not collectibles, or just for appearances. They are family history. Virtually every one has a history behind it, some dating back nearly a hundred years. I know they will be pitched when I'm gone, but until then, they stay - and a tree to show them on, once a year. . .

 

[Sugarcubesea]

I am curious how Costco caskets work? I mean, will a funeral home let you bring your own casket? I would suspect you still need someone to do the embalming and prepare the deceased. Do you ship the casket to the mortuary or pull up in a pickup truck after Costco had it delivered to your home? What about a vault? Many cemeteries require a vault.

@dioxide45 , I have done 6 funerals now with Costco Caskets. Costco ships the casket right to the funeral home. I purchase the vault from the funeral home and it is $700, Although the state of Michigan does not require a burial vault, however the cemetery in Michigan that I purchased 12 cemetary plots from does require a vault. ( by purchasing 12 I got a 30% discount + another 20% for paying in Cash). The funeral home does the embalming for us

Our family has buried the bulk of our relatives out of one funeral home in the Metro Detroit Area, I asked them after the 3rd relative died to give me a discount since I have brought so much business their way over the years and they have. This funeral home knows I am doing a bare bones funeral and that I'm buying a Costco Casket. I save a lot of money by holding the visitation immediately preceding the funeral in the church. I think our funeral home will be glad when I'm out of relatives as I know the in's and outs of this process.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) established The Funeral Rule. A funeral home cannot deny a casket, or even any alternative burial container, if you have bought it elsewhere. Not just that, but they cannot charge a handling fee or demand that you be present at the time of the casket delivery to the funeral home.

 

[AwayWeGo]

A few Christmas seasons ago, when my daughter-in-law & granddaughters were visiting here from Florida, the girls came downstairs & announced to their mom & grandmom, "Upstairs, Papa has 12 French horns & a saxophone!"

I had meant to hide the saxophone so I could bring it out for my granddaughter at an appropriate time. But since I was already busted, I let my saxophone-playing granddaughter (the older 1, age 13 or so at the time) play the sax & take it home with her when they went home after their Christmas visit.

As for the surplus French horns, those were mostly good quality eBay specials bought cheap & repaired affordably so I could resell them advantageously (eBay, Craig's List, FaceBook, etc.). That particular dozen -- the ones which my granddaughters discovered -- have all flipped. But The Devil has caused me to buy a few more. The horns still flip, but slower now than before the Covid-19 pandemic. Also, my outstanding local horn fixer has passed on to his eternal reward, & my current professional horn fixer (who does excellent work) charges more & lives up in the Baltimore suburbs about 40 miles from here. Fortunately for me, The Chief Of Staff is super-tolerant.

The turning point will come when I am no longer able to play horn myself, or when I decide for some unforeseeable reason to give up the horn for some other reason. Then the task will shift from flipping flipper horns to selling off keeper horns.

I subscribe to the idea that it is better to quit playing a year too soon than a day too late. But the prospect of no longer playing at all is not anything I'm ready to face right now.

Meanwhile, my (almost) age 16 granddaughter is totally into saxophone & school band. She has 2 or 3 alto saxophones, the tenor saxophone I mentioned, and a soprano saxophone that was a gift at the Christmas that came the year after her & her sister's discovery of the tenor saxophone.

Not only that, I bought an unused -- that is, not new but never played -- baritone saxophone that my granddaughter does not know about, with the idea in mind of presenting it as a high school graduation gift in a year or so. (For now it's hidden where she's not apt to discover it.) I'm not sure how that idea will play out, but I am sure that 1 way or another the baritone saxophone will end up in her hands.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

 

[rapmarks]

I have some friends that owned a farmhouse, multiple barns, 100 acres of ground! They went to Florida every year. One year they came back and decided they wanted to get rid of it all …….even their collections and all furniture. They now own a trailer on a lake, a house in town near the trailer and a house in Florida plus a huge storage building they own! He kept his 10 vintage motorcycles, 3 vintage cars and 2 vintage trucks and all his tools. When I’m with the wife she regrets getting rid of her glass collections, her Scotty trailer and etc. I wonder if he knows she regrets getting rid of HER treasures

lol. That is not exactly getting rid of it all with three homes

 

[rapmarks]

@dioxide45 , I have done 6 funerals now with Costco Caskets. Costco ships the casket right to the funeral home. I purchase the vault from the funeral home and it is $700, Although the state of Michigan does not require a burial vault, however the cemetery in Michigan that I purchased 12 cemetary plots from does require a vault. ( by purchasing 12 I got a 30% discount + another 20% for paying in Cash). The funeral home does the embalming for us

Our family has buried the bulk of our relatives out of one funeral home in the Metro Detroit Area, I asked them after the 3rd relative died to give me a discount since I have brought so much business their way over the years and they have. This funeral home knows I am doing a bare bones funeral and that I'm buying a Costco Casket. I save a lot of money by holding the visitation immediately preceding the funeral in the church. I think our funeral home will be glad when I'm out of relatives as I know the in's and outs of this process.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) established The Funeral Rule. A funeral home cannot deny a casket, or even any alternative burial container, if you have bought it elsewhere. Not just that, but they cannot charge a handling fee or demand that you be present at the time of the casket delivery to the funeral home.

Wow, you are a negotiator!

Most of my Chicago extended family used a funeral home whose owners were actually related to my mother’s family.
No discount and this is a big family
My mother died January 2013. Her funeral cost $18000 and it was attended by 18 people. My mother was in her nineties and everyone had predeceased her from her generation.
I thought it was ridiculous and told my children I wanted nothing. Each of us had to fly in for the two day event also.

 

[AwayWeGo]

I wonder if he knows she regrets getting rid of HER treasures

More likely he subscribes to the concept that his crap is stuff & her stuff is crap.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

 

[Tia]

Interesting topic and posts. I'm sentimental so have a few things that were my grandmothers , one being a sewing machine in a cabinet she sewed so many things on. I meant to learn to use it, never did. My mother passed away 3 years ago after a short illness, my sister had a couple totes from her house stored for several years before that and now they are at my house in the totes still . Makes me sad to go through them, nothing valuable just memories.

My aunt was put into memory care suddenly in 2014 years ago. My uncle sold their large home, but he wasn't making any moves to go through the house. So myself , my sister and mother packed up the house sorting a life time. Days of it. A few totes went to uncles smaller home . He has a son that chose to not help and said take anything you want, lived 4 hours away. When my uncle passed away think the totes went to his son's house then got donated unlooked at. Another son living in CA was too busy to visit and said 'do what you want' .

 

[JudyH]

We sold the farm to our son. Made it easier to leave the big tools there. They didn’t want any furniture or the “wrong color” new fridge.
I gave away most of all the “stuff” that didn’t mean anything or I hadn’t used in a few years.
So in the new house we started pretty minimal.
Now it’s been 11 years. Yesterday I parted with some work items I held on to because of an emotional attachment I had and because I thought maybe I would need to use the item with one of my grandchildren but that didn’t happen. I felt sad when I trashed it but now I love the new empty space.
Clothes I brought here and haven’t worn have gone to Good Will.
The RV got sold and the RV stuff given away on FB marketplace.

It took me so long to clean out my father’s house and my in-laws house I just won’t do that to the kids.
Unfortunately my spouse clings to stuff more than me.

 

[jp10558]

He has a son that chose to not help and said take anything you want, lived 4 hours away. When my uncle passed away think the totes went to his son's house then got donated unlooked at. Another son living in CA was too busy to visit and said 'do what you want' .

While I do pick on my Mom's "If you were raised right", I do think it's incredibly disrespectful to not offer to help with a parent, though it's a little different I guess if they're just moving vs passed away. I get being busy, etc, but offer to do something. Send some money to pay for a cleaning service IDK. While I don't have any kids for this sort of dynamic, I know if I did, and there was no helping out occasionally, I'd be leaving anything I did have to the friends, relatives, or kids that did help out.

 

[Tia]

While I do pick on my Mom's "If you were raised right", I do think it's incredibly disrespectful to not offer to help with a parent, though it's a little different I guess if they're just moving vs passed away. I get being busy, etc, but offer to do something. Send some money to pay for a cleaning service IDK. While I don't have any kids for this sort of dynamic, I know if I did, and there was no helping out occasionally, I'd be leaving anything I did have to the friends, relatives, or kids that did help out.

The sons came into plenty of farmland, the in state one said he had to figure out how to negotiate the land leases for the first time.

 

[Sugarcubesea]

Wow, you are a negotiator!

Most of my Chicago extended family used a funeral home whose owners were actually related to my mother’s family.
No discount and this is a big family
My mother died January 2013. Her funeral cost $18000 and it was attended by 18 people. My mother was in her nineties and everyone had predeceased her from her generation.
I thought it was ridiculous and told my children I wanted nothing. Each of us had to fly in for the two day event also.

@rapmarks, it was more out of necessity, my grandmother was widowed at age 50 and my grandfather was an alcoholic and retired early and did not leave her much money upon his death. Once I turned 21, she asked me if I would be the executor of her estate as she said she trusted me more then her daughters...

As the years went on and I helped her find programs, ( meals on wheels, help with utility bills, Legal Aid, Minor Home Repairs, Care Management most thru her city) and she started talking me up to the relatives, when I turned 31 she asked me if I would help the other 11 immediate family relatives. All of these relatives asked if I could use my skills in finding a cemetery where they could get a deal for graves and how could they do an inexpensive funeral. After a ton of research and negotiating with multiple places, I was able to purchase 12 grave sites for a discount and then each relative gave me the money for their gravesite. I only have 3 more funerals to manage as three of the relatives remarried and were buried with their new spouse.

 

[rickandcindy23]

Our local Goodwill just does not appreciate our donations. I feel like the employees there are overwhelmed with the line of cars dumping stuff.

 

[AwayWeGo]

In addition to the heaps & mounds & piles & stacks of stuff stowed & stored in people's basements, attics, garages, garden sheds, crawl spaces, dens, spare rooms, lofts, closets, and back porches, there's as much or more out of sight & out of mind (for a monthly charge) in all those self-store, extra-space, mini-storage locker farms that sprouted up all over the country -- not just in cities & suburbs, but way out in the country also.

Do other countries have those, or are they a unique American phenomenon ?

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

 

[Rolltydr]

In addition to the heaps & mounds & piles & stacks of stuff stowed & stored in people's basements, attics, garages, garden sheds, crawl spaces, dens, spare rooms, lofts, closets, and back porches, there's as much or more out of sight & out of mind (for a monthly charge) in all those self-store, extra-space, mini-storage locker farms that sprouted up all over the country -- not just in cities & suburbs, but way out in the country also.

Do other countries have those, or are they a unique American phenomenon ?

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

That's a great question!

 

[jp10558]

Our local Goodwill just does not appreciate our donations. I feel like the employees there are overwhelmed with the line of cars dumping stuff.

I recall several thrift stores turned away donations when we were cleaning out a house recently. I was surprised, these were furniture, not clothing or something. I guess fast fashion killed thrift stores desire for clothing donations. IDK what happened for stuff like furniture, but it was very strange being turned away as having "donated too much" at a closer thrift store we used to frequent 20 years ago.

Luckily we found one place near us that seems to have an ability and interest in taking really anything re-usable.

 

[easyrider]

Luckily we found one place near us that seems to have an ability and interest in taking really anything re-usable.

I take loads of items to Habitat for Humanity. I take loads more to the dump.

So I was inspired to clean out some of the storage room. I found 5 ipads, a dozen phones, a fax machine, a few lap tops and some alarms. All of these are now destroyed and in the garbage. I found a box of old construction books and repair manuals that are pre-internet. All of this is now in the garbagio. In a different box were pictures of our many remodeling projects going back to the early 80's, a full rollodex, awards and cards which are interesting to me but all heading to the garbagio. I made it to the bottom boxes and found one with some personal things like some pictures of my deceased best friend Doug flipping me the bird and posing with his girl friend, my old harmonica, my dog tags, zig zags, Marks Zippo lighter, an old Hills Brothers coffee can, some silver dollars and a pipe I made out of antlers in High School shop which all pretty much fit in the coffee can. I'm keeping the can of old junk and might fire up the old horny pipe that hasn't seen the light of day since I found out about our first child.

Bill