How Can it Be I Still Have So Many “Things” I Don’t Want. Anyone Else?

[Panina]

In my youth, I yearned for many "things."

As time passed, I got those "things."

Upon reaching retirement, I realized that those possessions no longer held value for me, so I chose to share them with others.

When I transitioned to my current home, two households merged, and we generously donated numerous items.

After experiencing a flood last year, we had to pack everything into storage and relocate, leading us to part with even more belongings.

Upon returning and unpacking, we discovered yet again the joy of giving away countless items.

Today, I continue to share and let go of possessions.

I ponder how this is possible; my home is tidy and free of clutter, yet I still possess many "things."

I recognize that I no longer depend on material possessions. What truly matters in my life transcends the physical; it is the love, experiences, and connections that hold true significance.

 

[heitmullerj02]

Yes, family and friends are what you want to hold on to.

 

[jp10558]

I recognize that I no longer depend on material possessions. What truly matters in my life transcends the physical; it is the love, experiences, and connections that hold true significance.

I come from a family of hoarders (or at best high functioning borderline people). I have a collecting drive as well. I'll tell everyone how hard it is to get rid of stuff, because it seems like every time you do a big clean out, in something like 2 weeks, you needed one of those things and end up re-buying it.

I think at least some of that is wanting to "be able to do" so many disparate things, kind of a hoarding of hobbies if you will. And TBH another huge issue is managing the "I don't know if I need that paperwork today, but I might in some vague timeframe of a year or so". By then, it's lost in a pile, or overflowing a filing cabinet. I personally much prefer things I can deal with immediately and then recycle / shred. But the medical companies etc don't work that way.

All that said, I also agree with you quite a bit - I've been surrounded by so much stuff, and had to spend so much time sorting stuff etc that in some ways, something new is like "Oh god, where am I going to put that now? Can I get rid of anything?". Whereas since finding timeshares, I've greatly preferred going on trips and doing things I didn't used to do (like go to the pool or in a hot tub). I've also used it as a springboard to make the review videos which are kind of fun to do. And in many ways, hanging out where there isn't any "tasks in the endless and growing queue" to do.

Yes, I greatly enjoyed building a frankly ridiculous collection of semi fancy Folio Society books, or several grocery bags worth of silver collectible coins, or a mass of 2e and 3e D&D books. But they're also taking up a lot of space and I can't imagine anyone else actually wanting any of these. Then again, my estimates are I've got 30 years to figure this all out, maybe 40 if I'm lucky, so I can still kick the can down the road awhile and enjoy looking at the books even if I'm not actually reading them.

 

[Panina]

I come from a family of hoarders (or at best high functioning borderline people). I have a collecting drive as well. I'll tell everyone how hard it is to get rid of stuff, because it seems like every time you do a big clean out, in something like 2 weeks, you needed one of those things and end up re-buying it.

I think at least some of that is wanting to "be able to do" so many disparate things, kind of a hoarding of hobbies if you will. And TBH another huge issue is managing the "I don't know if I need that paperwork today, but I might in some vague timeframe of a year or so". By then, it's lost in a pile, or overflowing a filing cabinet. I personally much prefer things I can deal with immediately and then recycle / shred. But the medical companies etc don't work that way.

All that said, I also agree with you quite a bit - I've been surrounded by so much stuff, and had to spend so much time sorting stuff etc that in some ways, something new is like "Oh god, where am I going to put that now? Can I get rid of anything?". Whereas since finding timeshares, I've greatly preferred going on trips and doing things I didn't used to do (like go to the pool or in a hot tub). I've also used it as a springboard to make the review videos which are kind of fun to do. And in many ways, hanging out where there isn't any "tasks in the endless and growing queue" to do.

Yes, I greatly enjoyed building a frankly ridiculous collection of semi fancy Folio Society books, or several grocery bags worth of silver collectible coins, or a mass of 2e and 3e D&D books. But they're also taking up a lot of space and I can't imagine anyone else actually wanting any of these. Then again, my estimates are I've got 30 years to figure this all out, maybe 40 if I'm lucky, so I can still kick the can down the road awhile and enjoy looking at the books even if I'm not actually reading them.

I don't have the 30-40 years to kick the can down, thinking about it, maybe 30 if I live as long as my parents. I just can't imagine at that age sorting thru anything. Now I get to choose who I give things to or donate to. Also I expect to move into a 2 br type condo in the future which will be half the size I have now plus no garage.

 

[Rolltydr]

In my youth, I yearned for many "things."

As time passed, I got those "things."

Upon reaching retirement, I realized that those possessions no longer held value for me, so I chose to share them with others.

When I transitioned to my current home, two households merged, and we generously donated numerous items.

After experiencing a flood last year, we had to pack everything into storage and relocate, leading us to part with even more belongings.

Upon returning and unpacking, we discovered yet again the joy of giving away countless items.

Today, I continue to share and let go of possessions.

I ponder how this is possible; my home is tidy and free of clutter, yet I still possess many "things."

I recognize that I no longer depend on material possessions. What truly matters in my life transcends the physical; it is the love, experiences, and connections that hold true significance.

DW, and most of her large family, has an emotional attachment to almost everything that reminds them of some time or place in their past. They also believe you should save, or recycle, almost everything. I can't count the number of times I've heard the phrase, "somebody might need that some day". It drives me nuts because I'm a minimalist. The less stuff (clutter), the better. If I haven't used something in a couple years, chances are pretty darn good that I'm not going to. If I find something in a closet that I haven't missed in several years, obviously, I'm not using it. We have stuff everywhere. It just makes everything hard to find, hard to keep clean and causes stress when you need to find a place to keep something you actually need instead of something that is just taking up space.

I would love to have a neat, clean, tidy, simple, organized home. I love her to death but a lot of our disagreements, maybe most, are on this topic. She has told her family if they want anything that she has, they better get it while she's alive because if she goes first, I'll get rid of everything as quickly as possible. She's not wrong!

 

[Janann]

I think at least some of that is wanting to "be able to do" so many disparate things, kind of a hoarding of hobbies if you will.

I read somewhere that getting rid of something that you used to use is admitting that you'll never do it again. I'll admit I have had a family sewing machine forever, and I used to sew some clothes for myself. However, the machine hasn't been used in many, many years. If I get rid of it, I'm admitting that I'm never going to sew again. (Yes, I know I could buy another sewing machine, but the principle of the theory still stands. )

I'm sure there are lots of people with art supplies, cooking tools, sports equipment, etc. that they can't part with because they just don't want to admit that they have either lost interest in something, or they are physically unable to do it any more.

 

[stmartinfan]

I read somewhere that getting rid of something that you used to use is admitting that you'll never do it again.

I'm sure there are lots of people with art supplies, cooking tools, sports equipment, etc. that they can't part with because they just don't want to admit that they have either lost interest in something, or they are physically unable to do it any more.

That's a really insightful way of thinking about keeping some items. It hit home with me on things like baking equipment. I've got some of my mother's things, which have a sentimental attachment for me. She was a great baker and I'm very competent—but I don't bake much because I don't want the temptation of all those calories and don't entertain enough. Still hard to pass those items along.

 

[Passepartout]

I'm pretty good at getting rid of 'stuff' I no longer use, but my wife clings to 'stuff' that triggers favored memories. Her grandmother's furniture, her (50+y.o.) kids' Cub Scout uniforms (no kidding). Yup- ONE timeshare she thinks has value. It's a little maddening, but a hill I am not willing to die on. When we're gone, the kids can park a series of dumpsters in the driveway and chuck it. I HOPE there will be an estate sale so usable 'stuff' can be enjoyed by a new generation.

Jim

 

[DancingWaters]

Getting rid of things is a decision we all face. I’m still collecting new items for hobbies and I’m sure some of,these hobbies will be short lived. Right now I’m in the this is my last “hurrah.” I’m 71 and I know my eyesight, hearing and active days are soon to slip away, but I’m going to enjoy every minute until that happens. I bought a new driver to improve my distance when golfing
I don’t see us moving any time soon. We have a ranch house so stairs aren’t an issue. We are fortunate enough to have 2 daughters and 9 grandkids 10 minutes from us. We have an inground pool so we get to see them often! Certainly not ready to give that up

 

[isisdave]

In 2016, we attempted to sell our house. In preparation, we gave or threw away a vast quantity of stuff. It didn't sell, so in 2021 we gave or threw away even more and tried again. This time it did sell.

We moved to Indiana. Six months later we bought a house, and went through the boxes of stuff in storage. Most of it was incorporated into the new house, or disposed of.Two boxes of stuff -- mementos from high school, college, and early 20s -- have disappeared.

I don't like stuff much, unless I am using it, but I do have some hobby stuff that cycles in and out of use. DW has a lot of old books which she likes to find at thrift stores and flea markets (preferably in Europe). And we still have my mom's and my grandmother's china, hoping a child or nibling will come to their senses and clutter their house with it. Otherwise, I suppose it'll be the dumpster in the driveway, but they owe us that much.

OTOH: I need to apply for a business license. The city wanted a copy of my IRS EIN confirmation letter from 2002. I put my hands on it in under 5 minutes. Now it's scanned, like most important papers received in the last ten years or so.

 

[VacationForever]

We still have too much stuff. I have a ton of clothing, still new and some with labels on and never worn, that I haven't given away. With each move, we give away a ton of clothing and then the shopaholic in me would start online shopping and build up my wardrobe again. I haven't bought anything in 6 months, yay!

We also have too many art pieces. We hardly look at them but our home is almost like an art gallery, every wall is filled with paintings and other art work. My husband will never want to sell them but I can see myself divesting 90% of them if my husband goes before I do. I want to simplify either my next/last move or for my estate to sell the home.

 

[AwayWeGo]

I have way too much stuff. One time 20+ years ago I threw away an item that I had been saving just in case I ever had a need for it. A week later, I needed it -- but I no longer had it because it was gone. Unfortunately, I extracted more wisdom from that experience than the experience actually contained. At the age 82, acquisitions have slowed down, but discards have not sped up.

What should I do with a perfectly good matched set of hardback books -- The Complete Works Of Mark Twain -- that I am unlikely to want to read again ?

What about my late father's copy of the foot-thick unabridged Merriam-Webster Discovery ?

What about several bushels of pre-recorded stereo cassette tapes ? Also, approximately 35 feet of 33+1/3 rpm LP records ?

I try not to think about The Chief Of Staff's accumulation. She has more stuff than I do. She does not appreciate the wisdom of George Carlin's observation that My Crap Is Stuff But Her Stuff Is Crap.

The reality is that either we will summon on our own whatever it takes to get rid of the accumulation, or foreseeable unfortunate events will take over such that everything goes willy-nilly to the next Mt. Trashmore.

-- Alan Cole, McLean (Fairfax County), Virginia, USA.​

 

[easyrider]

I read somewhere that getting rid of something that you used to use is admitting that you'll never do it again.

OMG. I think that's my problem. I have so many tools, sporting goods and equipment that I never use. They do make me feel good knowing they are there for some reason.

Bill

 

[easyrider]

When we're gone, the kids can park a series of dumpsters in the driveway and chuck it.

I remember doing this at my in-laws place. After everyone took what they wanted there was tons of stuff to get rid of. We did have an estate sale and took some items to Good Will but there were at least 4 trips to the dump.

We are no better. Whoever gets stuck going through our junk will need to clean out the shop, the ocean container, the lot and the house. We still have boxes of my in-laws junk that no one remembers what's inside. I'm not allowed to toss them so it will be the kids.

Bill

 

[n42]

I admire your ability to let go of unimportant things.

 

[Panina]

We still have too much stuff. I have a ton of clothing, still new and some with labels on and never worn, that I haven't given away. With each move, we give away a ton of clothing and then the shopaholic in me would start online shopping and build up my wardrobe again. I haven't bought anything in 6 months, yay!

We also have too many art pieces. We are hardly look at them but our home is almost like an art gallery, every wall is filled with paintings and other art work. My husband will never want to sell them but I can see myself divesting 90% of them if my husband goes before I do. I want to simplify either my next/last move or for my estate to sell the home.

Our home is like an art gallery too. We enjoy the artsy feel. Sadly some of it will have to go if we eventually move into a smaller place. Where giving away the other stuff is easy, the artwork will be hard.

 

[Passepartout]

Our home is like an art gallery too. We enjoy the artsy feel. Sadly some of it will have to go if we eventually move into a smaller place. Where giving away the other stuff is easy, the artwork will be hard.

My wife is an artist, and we combined 4 houses when we got together- Mine, hers, each of our parents' places. We used to stage our art more-or-less seasonally and store the off-season stuff on racks. We have liquidated SOME- but not enough. It'd make a helluva bonfire.

 

[clifffaith]

One of many upsides to moving to a two bedroom CCRC apartment is knowing you don’t have room for more crap! Went to a huge antique mall in town yesterday while showing our Texas company the mission and basilica, and came out with nothing! What little horizontal space we have is pretty much full, and I’d be hard pressed to find more wall space. However there is a large painting of my dad as a boy that my grandmother painted in the early ‘40s, so when Mom dies I’ll have to do some rearranging. And then there are grandma’s bronzes that will need a spot…

 

[b2bailey]

I remember doing this at my in-laws place. After everyone took what they wanted there was tons of stuff to get rid of. We did have an estate sale and took some items to Good Will but there were at least 4 trips to the dump.

We are no better. Whoever gets stuck going through our junk will need to clean out the shop, the ocean container, the lot and the house. We still have boxes of my in-laws junk that no one remembers what's inside. I'm not allowed to toss them so it will be the kids.

Bill

I have a vivid memory of my across the street neighbor, Billy. When he passed away, his out of state brother came to town to sell the house. He literally dragged everything to the curb. Didn't bother with a dumpster. Anything he kept fit in his car. I remember thinking... As I looked at the pile of Billy's belongings -- This is a man's lifetime accumulation of stuff.

 

[Sugarcubesea]

I also come from a long line of family hoarders, my grandparents and my parents lived thru the Great Depression and my parents were not as bad of hoarders as my grandparents. It was alway save this for a rainy day concept.

We downsized back in 2022 to a condo and we donated, sold or had to trash about 80% of our house as we were moving from a very large family home to a small condo. I'm an only child and I have been the executor / administer of 5 of my deceased relatives who had no children or by then had no spouse still alive. Each of my relatives houses or apartments were filled will so much stuff, it was insane. Each of my family members were dirt poor so I become an expert in providing a low cost funeral. ( costco caskets, no wake, service at the church vs funeral home) We did not want to do that to our kids, so I am glad that we moved in 2022 and got rid of or donated the bulk of the stuff I had been hanging onto...

Our daughter moved back in with us last year as she lost her job and could not pay the rent in her apartment, she is the worst hoarder of anyone I have ever met, you can not walk into her bedroom, its filled from top to bottom, the floor has so much junk in it you can not see the floor... I'm hoping she can move out in a year, she finally got a new job a few months back...

Now instead of buying things, I just want to enjoy family, friends and experience the wonderful world of travel.

I just want my clutter free home back

 

[jp10558]

It was alway save this for a rainy day concept.

This reminds me of a thought I've had semi-frequently. It ties into inflation and the sort of on-going lowering of quality of things you can buy new. I certainly have had the thought probably too many times that things used to be cheaper or at least when I or someone else bought something they had the resources to do so at that time. Whereas I might not be able to get the same quality or afford the same thing later on. Storing something (at least in your house or on your property) is already paid for.

The bigger issue of course is like someone else said - admitting you're not going to do the thing again. I guess every time we do something might be the last time we do it - it's not always obvious that you won't do X again. One thing I think of is I had a sewing machine just to re-sew some seams that would come undone on my Haband pants, making them then last "forever'. But then I had enough pants, fixed all the seams, and wasn't using it. Then my mom wanted to sew some curtains. Then it sat for a year or two, and my sister wanted to sew some liners for crocheted bags she made... It was a lot more efficient to have stored one machine and passed it around (I think) than to have each person buy one for a couple years and then throw it out.

 

[rickandcindy23]

Wouldn't it be nice to get rid of everything except pictures? Seriously, that is the only thing that matters, and even so, we have pictures from Rick's stepmom's collection of junk, and most of them are of landscapes we have no idea where, and people we don't know. I threw most of those out already.

We have a friend who said he wants his house to be like a timeshare: sparsely furnished, not a lot of junk, empty end tables, few clothes in the closet and drawers, etc. Not a bad idea.

 

[silentg]

Since our recent move we downsized a lot. Got rid of a lot of old things donated to Red Cross, Animal Shelter, High school Prom Dresses things we don’t use anymore. Coffee cups, so many and still have too many. We left some furniture in the house that we felt would not survive the move. Dining Room table and chairs, some outdoor pool furniture, since we don’t have a pool of our own ( community pools are beautiful)
We brought our bed and it didn’t survive the move, somethings need to stay in one place. We are happy here and getting used to less clutter and space.
Now just waiting for my husband’s back problems to get resolved.
Silentg

 

[Rolltydr]

We have a friend who said he wants his house to be like a timeshare: sparsely furnished, not a lot of junk, empty end tables, few clothes in the closet and drawers, etc. Not a bad idea.

I love this idea! That’s one of the reasons I love timeshares. They always seem so clean because there’s so little you have to clean. As much as we try, it’s really hard to clutter them up in a week or so. (Unless you have young kids, of course!)

 

[easyrider]

Wouldn't it be nice to get rid of everything except pictures? Seriously, that is the only thing that matters, and even so, we have pictures from Rick's stepmom's collection of junk, and most of them are of landscapes we have no idea where, and people we don't know. I threw most of those out already.

We have a friend who said he wants his house to be like a timeshare: sparsely furnished, not a lot of junk, empty end tables, few clothes in the closet and drawers, etc. Not a bad idea.

We have several boxes of my in-laws old pictures, 8mm tapes and slides. This doesn't include the boxes of family photo albums. My father in law gave me a newer 8mm camera and slide projector back in the early 2000's that are still like new. We did watch some of the 8mm a few years ago and they were of our families beach vacation, goofing around and a school Christmas show. I hope the kids watch some of these as it shows us in our 30's. The kids will see where they got their good looks, lol. It's mostly from their gorgeous mom.

After the in-laws passed on I decided that our photos and videos will be on a hard drive and cloud.

Bill