Empty nest is coming!

[puppymommo]

DD (16) just informed me yesterday that she has now officially completed the first quarter of her senior year of high school.

She is an only, so when she goes off to college the nest will be EMPTY!

May give DH and I a chance to go on more ts adventures to places she doesn't like.

(Trying to see an upside here. )

 

[mjm1]

Congratulations! We have been empty nestors for about 3.5 years and are really enjoying the freedom. We missed having our youngest around at first, but made the adjustment pretty quickly. I might add that he did too. It is great to see him, and our older daughter, when we do, but we really enjoy the freedom we have now. Enjoy!

 

[DeniseM]

It took about 6 mos. to adjust to the quiet, and now we love it!

When the kids are home - we enjoy them that much more. Absence does make the heart grow fonder!

 

[Talent312]

Do not worry... They may leave, but as long as they have needs
... like dental work or new tires ... they won't leave you alone.

We bought a rental house and put one of my stepsons in it so he
wouldn't have a reason to live at home and invade our space.

 

[BevL]

Do not worry... They may leave, but as long as they have needs
... like dental work or new tires ... they won't leave you alone.

Funny you should mention that - our daughter has dental through work but needed a "loan" for her 10 or 20 percent or whatever it was. Since her husband is currently in school, I expect it will go on the "never never plan" as hubby and I call it around here.

Oh, and the new tires? That was for our son's car, snow tires, last year.

So yes, parenthood is the gift that keeps on giving. Of course, we have two grandchildren so we're not complaining - they definitely tip things in our favour!!

 

[DeniseM]

I tell my daughter if she will simply "ask" my husband for advice about where and how to buy tires, he will take her car and get them for her. Works every time!

 

[Passepartout]

Get a dog. The nest will never be empty and it won't need educated or tires.
Jim

 

[BevL]

I tell my daughter if she will simply "ask" my husband for advice about where and how to buy tires, he will take her car and get them for her. Works every time!

In our family I am the soft(er) touch although I am toughening up. Used to be the never never plan really meant "never never." Now it means, "Mom's keeping track and small monthly payments are required."

 

[pjrose]

Ours is sort of empty - DD moved in with BF two weeks ago. It's been very peaceful and less stressful, though it's only two weeks, not long enough for us to think it'll last, so I guess the nest isn't really empty.

 

[Zac495]

She's so young to be leaving.
I am dreading the day, but maybe it will be fun. Keep us up to date on how it goes!
PJ - how are things?

 

[wauhob3]

DD (16) just informed me yesterday that she has now officially completed the first quarter of her senior year of high school.

She is an only, so when she goes off to college the nest will be EMPTY!

May give DH and I a chance to go on more ts adventures to places she doesn't like.

(Trying to see an upside here. )

She's a young senior! It is hard when they go. I think I did a better job at preparing my daughter for college life then me for an empty nest. I adjusted though and it is great to see her when I can. She went to a school an hour a way so I see her fairly regularly. You might want to get her some books to get used to what collge life is like. We found the Naked Roommate was good. He wrote one for parents too The Happiest kid on Campus. This far into the year though she should already be applying for colleges and going on visits. Good luck in the search and the upcoming year!

 

[Kal]

Make a goal for the child to become independent by a specific age. Don't be a helicopter parent.

We have a friend where husband and wife are helicopter parents and shower the kids with everything. Now the DD is 22, earns $60k per year, lives at home and has tantrums when things don't go her way. The current drama is she bought an airline ticket for her boyfriend to fly in to stay at parents home while they are away for the weekend.

Parents hate the idea but don't have the intestinal fortitude to tell her no.

So the advice is let empty nesting happen.

 

[normab]

Empty nesting is hard, but it's part of the process. I missed my only child for a year , but I realized I did my job when he survived his freshmen year without much input from me.

Once he went away to school, I worked hard to make it a good year for my DH and I, we had lots of dates and did lots of spur of the moment activities that were not so possible earlier. We live less than an hour from NYC and we started to go there more often.

Five years later, we really enjoy our son when we see him--he has really grown into an adult. I still wish I had more time with him, but it's the way things go!

I wish you all the best!

Norma

 

[DeniseM]

Some kids are not ready to go away to school right out of high school. There is nothing wrong with going to a local school for a year to develop some maturity and adjust to college.

I was just talking to my hair dresser about her son who is a freshman in college. Quite honestly, this family could not afford to send their child to a 4 year college, but it's been their dream, so they did it anyway. Even after financial aide and scholarships, she is paying $900 a month for his tuition, room, and board - $900 a month that they don't have. I don't know how they are going to do it for 4+ years.

 

[vacationhopeful]

DD (16) just informed me yesterday that she has now officially completed the first quarter of her senior year of high school.

My far off sister had her youngest graduate HS at 16 - she did HS in 3 years. She went to the local community college (free to all HS graduates of that HS) and lived at home. Drove my sister NUTs as she was not growing up (maturing); acted 10 yo most of the time. Did her college assignments very well; did melt downs on everything else; had a BF I almost threw up on (a leach).

Suggested she send her to me in Ft Lauderdale after Xmas for a week. 6 days later, I returned a vastly different kid. Our infamous brother decided to come along for 3 of those days. Ride the public bus (1st time). Ride the Water Taxi. Eat at the mall Food Court. Key West on New Year's Eve - :hysterical: . Brought herself a Hard Rock rose spray black hoodie - . Spent all her money. Rode the public bus back to airport.

She was a happier and more confident 18 year old to the point my sister asked what did I do to her. She learned to do things for herself - like yoga on the beach, pay the fare on the bus, handle dudes who pinched her bottom, find killer clothes for herself, and stretch the things she did or tried to do -- many times by herself. She started looking at the world around with interest as to how it related to her.

She is now in a graduate/PhD program 1500 miles away from her parent's home.

 

[Rascalsmom]

....$900 a month that they don't have. I don't know how they are going to do it for 4+ years.

They're not doing their kids a favor if they are destitute in their retirement because they paid for their college or anything else...

We all have to bump into reality eventually; better to do it when you're young and flexible than when you've become accustomed to living beyond your means.

 

[BevL]

PJ - how are things?

That was my question too. Not to hijack but hoping things are settling down. Maybe having your DD out of the house for a while will at least give you time to recharge a bit.

 

[pjrose]

Ours is sort of empty - DD moved in with BF two weeks ago. It's been very peaceful and less stressful, though it's only two weeks, not long enough for us to think it'll last, so I guess the nest isn't really empty.

She's so young to be leaving.
I am dreading the day, but maybe it will be fun. Keep us up to date on how it goes!
PJ - how are things?

That was my question too. Not to hijack but hoping things are settling down. Maybe having your DD out of the house for a while will at least give you time to recharge a bit.

For those not familiar with this issue, here's the original thread:
http://tugbbs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=154026

I'll update there to not hijack....but pretty good, and we are FAR less stressed.

We have enjoyed doing what WE want to do - movies, dinners out, picnics, and other activities we probably wouldn't have done while worrying about her.

 

[csalter2]

Empty Nest is not so Bad

I have had an empty nest for about a year and boy do I love it. Now don't get me wrong. I love my kids to death. I really enjoyed all of the things we did together like the vacations, taking them to their games and watching them play in them, the great family dinners, etc. I LOVED all of that came with parenting. I was fortunate because I did not have any drama with my kids. They were very well behaved except for the occasional dumb stuff a teenager can do.

However, when they were all gone my attitude was I did my job and now they must find their way. My first two went into the military and the last one is in college on the east coast. One is out of the military after 7 years and works for the federal government. The other one is still in the military and in Germany. They have all adjusted and seem to enjoy their current place in life.

I have rediscovered myself. I love being able to do spontaneous things and not worrying about picking someone up from school. I love not having to cook dinner everyday. I love having things in my refrigerator that I left the night before. I love having my freedom to take my wife out to the movies during the week. I feel like we are dating all over again.

Empty nesting is a good deal. When my oldest came out of the military and had to live with me for about a year, it was not so bad since my youngest was still home. However, now he has his own place and I love hanging out at his house because he is not that far away. From time to time he comes by here too. It's great when we meet up and he can pay the bill from time to time or we can go to his house to watch the game.

It's nice when both you and your child are independent. You then get to reap the rewards of your parenting and now have not only an adult child but also a real friend.

I love the progression of life.

 

[dmharris]

I have found the letting go process much harder for moms than dads with my group of women friends and acquaintances from church and my girls' schools. I have no answers other than it felt like I was given a pink slip. It was like I was being laid-off from my job. I was so happy for my girls at the various stages when they moved further and further from us, literally and figuratively, but my heart ached each step of the way.

I have my own business so they weren't my whole life but I was 36 when I became a mom for the first time and I cherished every moment. It went so fast. It is the progression of life and it amazes me from this point of view. It's so much more emotional living it from this side than the child's side. I repeat, it went so fast!

 

[pjrose]

My son started living in New York City with his grandparents the summer after 10th grade - he had internships at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a few summers, and then through various connections did computer/networking tech and theatre/lighting stuff the other summers. The grandparents' apartment building has separate tiny bedrooms/bathrooms originally intended for maids, so he had his own little apartment.

The first week or so I called every night - what did you do today, what was it like, did you enjoy it, what did you have for lunch.....all I got was one word answers, and when I heard myself asking about his meals I realized I needed to back off. I stopped calling for a few days, and guess what, soon he called me!

The independence of those summers really matured him, and his work led to tons of connections that I know will help him immeasurably after he graduates next May and moves to NYC probably for good. This wouldn't have worked for many 15/16 year olds, but it certainly did for him.

 

[csalter2]

New York is where he's like to stay...

My son started living in New York City with his grandparents the summer after 10th grade - he had internships at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a few summers, and then through various connections did computer/networking tech and theatre/lighting stuff the other summers. The grandparents' apartment building has separate tiny bedrooms/bathrooms originally intended for maids, so he had his own little apartment.

The first week or so I called every night - what did you do today, what was it like, did you enjoy it, what did you have for lunch.....all I got was one word answers, and when I heard myself asking about his meals I realized I needed to back off. I stopped calling for a few days, and guess what, soon he called me!

The independence of those summers really matured him, and his work led to tons of connections that I know will help him immeasurably after he graduates next May and moves to NYC probably for good. This wouldn't have worked for many 15/16 year olds, but it certainly did for him.

Just like Green Acres, he may rather be in NY. It may excite him as it does many teenagers. All of my kids really liked NY once they became teenagers. Being from there, I did not want them to stay as I knew the other side of it which is why I moved to the west coast. I know central Pennsylvania pretty well as I went to college, Dickinson, there. It's much more tranquil than NY and does not possess the type of opportunity NY has to offer for his future career goals.

 

[glypnirsgirl]

It's an adjustment.

My special needs adult son moved from Texas to Virginia last March. He and his wife were both excited and I was a wreck.

Jordan would tease me about how much I would need to go up there. And I went a lot to start with. Once a month for 4 days each time for the first three months. Then I skipped a month. Now I have not been there since August 7th and I will be going this coming weekend.

Jordan is now taking work skills classes two nights per week and on Saturdays. He is so happy to be on his own with his wife. Earning his own money and learning new things. My heart soars every time I talk to him.

He is achieving things that I never thought possible for him.

We enjoyed 4 months of empty nest before Ian's son moved home from college.

I am ready for the nest to empty again. It is hard going back the other way.

elaine

 

[pjrose]

. . . . My heart soars every time I talk to him.

He is achieving things that I never thought possible for him.

Your posts about Jordan make me happy too! It's nice when they're ok, and just wonderful when they go beyond ok and achieve even more!

 

[nazclk]

Empty nest

I know of many people that just love having a empty nest :hysterical: