Elderly care?

[pittle]

theo - I know that A Place for Mom charges the facility that you choose - generally the cost of the first month's rent, BUT, when you are searching in an area that you are not familiar with, it is a Godsend to have some choices.

In our situation, Mom was living in a nice place in Louisiana where one of my brothers lived and it was the closest to her home of 50 years. My brother was transferred to a new location 500 miles away. It was going to be hard enough for him and his wife to find a new home and her a new job without finding a new place to relocate our mother. I said we would take the responsibility for Mom - we are retired, but lived so far from "home" that it would be extremely difficult for her. We had one month to find her a place and then drive from Phoenix to Louisiana, pack up her belongings and drive her back to Phoenix. (Not an easy feat with a dementia patient.)

We had lived here less than 5 years at the time and knew of only one facility that was close to us - it was one that you had to buy in to with about $150,000 upfront. We knew that would not work with Mom's finances, so we started searching the internet. A Place for Mom fit the bill - our person was extremely helpful and gave me all kinds of options. I had a friend who was visiting from out-of-state go with me to check all the places on the list. (She is a nurse at a nursing home for Nuns in Michigan.) She thought the group homes were a great option. They just were not as good a choice for my mother at the time.

When Mom was hospitalized 3 times in 4 months in 2014, the social worker at the hospital suggested that I look for a group home. She gave me a list of folks that could help me find one. I am pretty sure that these people also got paid. I had looked at some of the same group homes earlier, but Mom was not ready for that. As she went downhill, this was a much better option for all of us.

All said -the point is, everyone needs a place to start and a list of options. It is up to the caregiver to make the final choice and it is OK to pay a service whether directly or indirectly to help you. JMO

 

[theo]

theo - I know that A Place for Mom charges the facility that you choose - generally the cost of the first month's rent, BUT, when you are searching in an area that you are not familiar with, it is a Godsend to have some choices.

In our situation, Mom was living in a nice place in Louisiana where one of my brothers lived and it was the closest to her home of 50 years. My brother was transferred to a new location 500 miles away. It was going to be hard enough for him and his wife to find a new home and her a new job without finding a new place to relocate our mother. I said we would take the responsibility for Mom - we are retired, but lived so far from "home" that it would be extremely difficult for her. We had one month to find her a place and then drive from Phoenix to Louisiana, pack up her belongings and drive her back to Phoenix. (Not an easy feat with a dementia patient.)

We had lived here less than 5 years at the time and knew of only one facility that was close to us - it was one that you had to buy in to with about $150,000 upfront. We knew that would not work with Mom's finances, so we started searching the internet. A Place for Mom fit the bill - our person was extremely helpful and gave me all kinds of options. I had a friend who was visiting from out-of-state go with me to check all the places on the list. (She is a nurse at a nursing home for Nuns in Michigan.) She thought the group homes were a great option. They just were not as good a choice for my mother at the time.

When Mom was hospitalized 3 times in 4 months in 2014, the social worker at the hospital suggested that I look for a group home. She gave me a list of folks that could help me find one. I am pretty sure that these people also got paid. I had looked at some of the same group homes earlier, but Mom was not ready for that. As she went downhill, this was a much better option for all of us.

All said -the point is, everyone needs a place to start and a list of options. It is up to the caregiver to make the final choice and it is OK to pay a service whether directly or indirectly to help you. JMO

Well said. Your personal observations and experience are certainly sound and your sharing them very much appreciated. No part of that whole experience is simple for anyone involved and, with the greatest respect, I tip my cap to your efforts and your obvious commitment. Ain't none of that experience easy...

The only real "beef" that I personally had with "A Place for Mom" was that they seemed to continually be trying to steer my siblings outside of the specific geographic area that we had already collectively identified and agreed upon for consideration, within which we already knew there were numerous suitable options and choices.
I was never quite sure exactly why that was, but came to strongly suspect that "commission" might perhaps have driven and influenced some "recommendations".
In the end, we followed our own instincts, agreeing unanimously on the best choice despite it not being a "referral" and being among the more expensive options.

 

[normab]

We just recently put our parents into assisted living. I spent several months researching the options. I found a lot of help from the alzheimers website ALZ.org. In my area they also had caregiver support meetings where I was able to attend and ask lots of questions.

I have a friend who used A Place for Mom and they were very helpful in finding an affordable memory care facility for her mom. The facility she was already in raised the monthly fees to a point where they could no longer afford it, and the service saved them a lot of time in identifying affordable facilities. In the end there are probably several services that help you find facilities, but you need to research them yourself, because there are differing policies at the facilities.

For example: When we were looking, it was important to find facility that would keep mom and dad together as long as possible and not separate them. It was clear after interviewing the facilities that some would separate them quickly and others wouldn't.

The whole experience has been an eye-opener for me, and has made me think about my future so I can plan not leave it up to someone else to make decisions for me. (Or to burden them.)